


The Snow Keeps Falling

by Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Art Student Reader, College Student Reader, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Future employee reader, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jealousy, Lets all pretend reiner and berthold are good for the sake of this story, Levi teacher architecture in readers art college, Miscarriage, Multi, Oral Sex, Original Character Death(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Professor-student realtionship, Rough Sex, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy, alchohol addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2018-10-30 23:19:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 32
Words: 53,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10886997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface/pseuds/Jean_does_not_have_a_horseface
Summary: Jean and yours relationship is not going so well and after a big revelation it's only bound to end. That's when Levi steps in your life. The stoic man is here to stay, determined to give you everything; a job in his company, his free time, his body and most importantly his heart, but can you return those unexpected feelings to him when your life is slowly falling apart?~yes yes I wrote another Levi x Reader x Jean~Ps: thanks for being with me in this amazing ride! Thanks so much for reading and loving this! I love you all.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy I hope you like this story. I've been brainstorming each chapter for months and I hope the outcome of my imagination is as nice as I thought it was

"Marco?"

"Hey (Y/n)! What's going on?" Marco sighed and plopped himself on his couch. His phone was tightly held against his ear as he awaited for your answer.

"Can we meet? Like now? There's something we have to talk to about immediately"

Marco sighed again as he burried his head in his free palm, hissing in the process. He knew what this was about.

"Still not a sign of Jean? (Y/n) you don't need to worry so much about this, his mother probably kept him there for the night"

"Marco, stop lying about this! You and I both know that Jean is not at his mother's. But this is not about Jean. It's about me"

"Meet me at Reiner's okay? I'll make sure he won't let Jean in tonight. If he plans on coming this way. I'm going there now" Marco shook his head. His thoughts were killing him. Especially about this situation. He listened to the line go dead from your side and felt even more guilty. He suffered to see you and Jean like that.

_________________

 

He had been waiting for your arrival at Reiner's café for almost a quarter before you walked in, tightly wrapped in your favorite fluffy scarf and with what he supposed the warmest jacket you must have found. Snow had made its appearance way too early in Trost this year and most citizens weren't prepared for the severe weather phenomenons.

Marco watched as you slowly walked to where he was sitting after you told Reiner what to bring you.

"Hey" you weakly greeted as you sat down on your chair and held your muffler closer to your chin. "It's really cold outside for god's sake"

"You tell me, my butt froze on my way here... I should probably buy a car" Marco averted his gaze from you and thought about what he was going to say next.

"So... uhm... the reason I came here..." you started and glanced at Reiner in a sign for him not to bring you anything for a while, earning a nod from the blond.

Reiner knew what was going on; you had spent countless hours at this very café worrying about why Jean hadn't been at school, or why he wasn't home yet, or why he wasn't at work. Reiner of course didn't have an answer but he had made clear that he'd choose to be on your side if anything happened with Jean and he had stayed true to his word.

 

"Look (Y/n), I don't want you to think Jean is cheating on you. He's not. He's not like that" Marco snapped, without letting you finish. He had to make you understand this about his long time friend. Jean wasn't the type of guy to cheat on his partner. He took pride in being faithful even though sometimes he'd flirt with others just for fun.

"Well, that's a weight off my shoulders" you sighed in angered manner and blinked at Marco with a done look on your face. The brunet couldn't tell if your expression said you were bored or really annoyed but he knew he'd better start speaking the truth. He was aware that every second he held you back from the truth, he only hurt you more.

 

"Look, (Y/n), Jean... hasn't been very enthusiastic about your relationship lately, and I'm guessing you probably have sensed it" Marco said and you swallowed your spit hard, and closed your eyes in pain. Your chest heaved as if there was a sharp pain coming straight from your heart and through your whole body. A hypothesis was very different than the actual confirmation of a series of certain actions. But you had to be strong. No one else was going to tell you the truth and the fact that Marco, Jean's best friend, was willing to made you feel like you were somehow blessed. There were so many relationships were one member would stand under a dark shadow of lies and you were happy that lies were over for you.

"But" Marco continued, not letting the feelings he had for your well being get to him just yet. He had stood to your side like a brother through hell and high water ever since you two were in junior high school and in his mind you deserved to know about this. Yes, he feared how you'd react, considering you had a dark past but he couldn't let one more day pass where guilt would eat his insides. When you and Jean got together there wasn't a side to pick even though now he was pretty sure he was on Jean's side. At least in your mind. And he was well aware if how much it must have hurt you not to be able to trust him anymore. Yet, here he was, helping you open your eyes. Maybe he still wasn't on Jean's side.

"He... he's afraid you're going to rot inside if he leaves you. He still cares for you, but he's just not in love anymore." Marco sighed and burried his head in his palms so you couldn't see the shame in his eyes. There he had said it. Jean didnt love you anymore and he was the one to announce you that. He heart would break if he was to face you at the moment. "He's been spending time at Connie's and mine's. Although please don't turn on Sasha, because poor girl has no idea about the situation."

After that, everything Marco had uttered was a blur to your ears. You only caught phrases like "Jean can still see you love him" or "I think its just a phase, I mean how can Jean not love you, right?" Again, you could only think how confirmation hurt more than anything. Conformation meant truth and truth meant pain, but it was better now that you knew. 

Jean didn't love you.

At least, not anymore.

 

It made your heart throb and hurt to the point you thought it get out of your weak chest. Your whole world was crumbling under your feet. It was as if his voice was mocking you in your head with that stupid shit eating grin he'd put on when he'd talk to Eren.

It hurt more that it should have as you figured, because you had frozen in place for god knows how long, and even if Marco tried tirelessly, it took him and Reiner a while to get you back to your senses. Immediately, you broke down crying in Reiner's chest, which caused the bulky blond to throw Marco out -not in the violent way- and close the store, to return you with safety to your shared apartment with Jean. 

Your reaction had made made Marco feel like he was a horrid human being and friend to you, because maybe, if the truth had been spoken earlier you wouldn't have reacted like that. If he had interfered earlier then maybe you wouldn't have been so much hurt. He only feared of what would happen now.

_______________

 

"I'm so sorry it had to be this way sweetie"  Reiner rubbed soothing circles on your knee as he drove as safely as he could to your destination, despite all your sobs and cries. Usually he'd be really strict about noise in his car, as he always wanted to be careful and undistracted when driving, but this time he knew as not to whine for the noise; you needed to let it out. 

Nevertheless, he didn't really agree with you having to cry over Jean, he was really understanding when it came to you loving the man. He knew how to was being in love and being hurt, and he could never blame you for loving Jean, or even worse, mock you or make you feel guilty for your feelings.

No, the blond knew better than that.

"I don't get it Reiner... why? Why did he stop loving me? I don't get it" you cried out, burying your head deeper in your palms. You were so embarrassed that you had to pour your heart and eyes out on your friend. You never wanted anyone to look at you as if you were less.  

"Oh come on (Y/n). These things happen right? Jean is a human being. Maybe he didn't have it in him anymore." Reiner spoke as calmly as he could, and even though he didn't necessarily believe his words, he knew you had to listen to them to feel more soothed. Plus it'd be better for your soul to believe that Jean was a human who made a mistake and that you were a human too who had the right to cry and feel betrayed. 

"Maybe you just need to change your scenery, right?" He said out of the sudden, after a little comfortable silence that had fell inside the car. Your head turned to him and you looked at him with dried tears in your now puffy eyes. "Maybe you should work at the café for a while... until you get some money for a new apartment! I get more money than the local Starbucks you know" 

The blond flashed you a smile and patted your hair, using his thumb to wipe a tear from the corner of your eye.

"And you said Levi is having a class at your art university right?"

"Yeah" you sobbed.

"Well then, your father wanted you to work in Levi's and Erwin's company and maybe if you take Levi's class you can convince him to take you there?"

"You're saying this because you think art is getting me nowhere" 

Reiner looked at you for a while, amd only then you realised he had already pulled over in the parking lot of your apartment building, his hand again on your knee. "Hmm" he sighed and puckered his lips as if thinking of a serious remark. "Well yes, I don't think it's getting you anywhere and hey, I'm the guy who thought he'd get to best the best professional football player." He smirked and ruffled your hair this time.

"It was your dream, don't blame yourself." You smiled back and took a deep breath. "Amd you're right about Levi. I still have time to sign up to his class and it's going to be his last year at the college because he was just filling the place until they found someone with as knowledge as him since the last one died"

"Now's your chance!" He cheered and unlocked the door to the car, letting you know you could get out whenever you wanted him to

"It is!" You jumped in your place wrapped your arms around him in a thankful manner. He had done so much for you today and would do so much in the future "Thanks Reiner. For everything" 

"Yeah, just try not to be all emotional when Jean is going to leave you okay?"


	2. Chapter 2

Jean unlocked the door to the apartment and entered silently into the darkness. "(Y/n)?" He whispered-yelled your name for a couple of times, but seing there was no response he assumed you were probably sleeping. 

Running his hand through his hair he proceeded to place his keys on the kitchen counter and take off his coat. His mind was heavy but it was probably Connie messing with him earlier.

Nevertheless he couldn't help but think what he had said to Marco and Connie about you. Had he really stopped loving you out of the sudden? And if he hadn't what was that feeling in him that told him that thing.

Sometimes he thought it was because things with college were pressing both of you and therefore the fire had been put out. Or maybe he was responsible for this happening. He didn't know how, but blaming it on himself seemed as the right thing to do at the moment.  
       
He had taken a shower before going at Connie's so he was clean and therefore you wouldn't yell at him for getting in bed unwashed. Not that this would happen now, you were soundly asleep on the bed and probably you hadn't even sensed his presence.

Well, he thought as he sighed, he was going to miss being yelled at by you, but he still needed some time alone. His eyes wondered at the multiple and colorful canvases on the walls and for what he thought as the last time he reached out to linger his fingers on the outline of your body.

_"Okay Jean no more nude modeling inside the house!" You giggled the moment you snatched Jean's pencil away from his hand._

_"Why, you think I get horny?"_

_"Yes... obviously, you don't think I have eyes?" You giggled and searched around for your robe in order to cover up. "Anyway, it's your turn now"_

_Jean's eyes widened at that and you swore you could see a faint blush appearing on his face. It only made you want to make a remake about this because this was Jean and no one ever recalled him blushing for no other reason than Mikasa's hair in high school._

_"I won't torture you pony boy, no need to blush!"  And at your words Jean growled and started running towards your side praying to cause the reaction he wanted._

Jean could still remember how funny it was to chase you through this very apartment, while you only wore your untied robe. And he could still recall how happy you looked while he was tickling you, screaming at you to give up and promise to not tell anyone he became as red as a tomato at the thought of being a nude model for you.

_"So what are you planning on drawing if you can't draw my perfect body, (Y/n)?"  Jean smirked. He knew you enjoyed it when he was being sassy -most of the time at least- and therefore he never ceased on behaving that way._

_"Well, a nice scenery would be good. We have a nice view and I'm planning on taking advantage of that"_

_"You're supposed to draw a body" Jean said in all seriousness. "You're fully aware of what will happen if you don't give them what they've asked for."_

_Your (E/c) eyes blinked several times in his as if you didn't understand what he was taking about and it made him feel so irritated. He even wondered if you really wanted to be an artist in college anymore, seeing how little you cared about the subjects you were supposed to draw._

_"I don't want you to fail this one too, baby."_

_"You're not my father Jean. Mister (l/n) is alive and can't wait for mr to disappoint him in life again" you growled. "You really know how to ruin our good moments don't you?"_

Most of the times he didn't know where your anger was coming from, although he knew he shouldn't be trying to parent you, because he was your boyfriend and not your father as you had said. He never seemed to make you understand that you weren't failing anyone and at one point he had indeed given up on trying. 

Not worth trying for something that went right into vain right?

_"Well, uhhh I think it needs a little bit more brown here, my roots are darker" Jean pointed out and you patiently nodded knowing better than to cause a fight again. It was so funny how the fighting stopped as you mentioned that you should pay Eren to be your nude model for this project. Of course Jean's hot tempered head didn't want to let you do that since his girlfriend didnt need interactions with his arch enemy, not even for a muscle study. All you wanted to draw was a male's back._

____________

By the time you had woken up Jean had packed all his belongings from the apartment. You didn't expect this to be so soon, and you felt slightly disgusted at Marco for hiding the truth away from you for such a long while. 

At the door, stood the first man you ever loved dearly and wouldn't trade for anything. Nevertheless life had taught you that all good things come to an end. And maybe Jean and you should have ended a long time ago.

You could help but tear up. It wasn't everyday that you knew you had lost someone you loved that much after your mother abandoned your father, your older brother and you, taking your sister with her. 

Then again, you felt so guilty for not being able to follow Reiner's advice and not be too emotional, because you begged. You begged a lot. You were never the one to beg for someone or something, but this time, fearing another eternal abandon, you only begged it wouldn't happen. You didn't care about how you looked in Jean's eyes at the moment and you didn't care that he wanted to go, you wanted him to stay with you.

And then, his apology came. He had found a good job opportunity in another state and since the university the two of you were studying had a department there too, he felt as if this was his life telling him he had to do this. He promised that if this opportunity had never came up he'd stay there and fight for this relationship, but for now, it didn't work out for him. And with tears in your eyes, you agreed. Maybe as Reiner said it was because he was human and as he said z he couldn't stay in this intoxicated relationship because the only thing you both did was hurt each other. Jean made clear that he couldn't take it and that he didn't want you to roll back in depression because of him. He didn't want you hung up on him. He still cared for your well being even if somewhere along the way he had lost his romantic feelings for you and he didn't want you to have hard feelings for him. Though, you could never be just fine with what happened. Not in the near future anyway 

After he left, the first thing you did was fix your hair and get dressed. You had no appetite or whatsoever and you needed to get to college immediately. 

Marching through the different hallways, tremendously searching for a new path to your class, one that didn't remind you of Jean, you found yourself passing before Levi's class.

Reiner's words from last night played in the back of your mind. You should sign up to Levi's class. Grab the opportunity work at his company. That was it, you were going to do it. You took your phone in your hands and after unlocking it you set as your mission to find Levi's number.  
   
________________

 

"I believe it's a little late for you to take this class (l/n). Its fucking November already." Levi spoke in his usual monotone voice as he blinked his steel eyes in yours.

For a moment you didn't reply as you stared at him, up and down and then once again, nit being able to believe he had grown taller.

"Are you taller?"

"(Y/n), what the fuck?" 

"Agh... sorry." with puckered lips, you closed your eyes and shook away the thoughts about his appearance before you proceed to answer to his original statement. "well, I hoped you could do an exception for me, because I really need this architecture class so I can work in yours and Erwin's company."

"You're listening to your father all of a sudden?" Levi raised an eyebrow after he finished talking. Being acquaintances with your father, he knew how much of a stubborn head you were, not ever wanting to listen to him, not ever wanting to take the jib offer Erwin had made just for you if you decided to take architecture as your major and not fine arts. 

He watched as you swallowed down probably anything that was bothering you at the moment and noticed that your lips trembled a bit before you proceeded to answer.

"I've failed a lot of people and I don't want to fail him too"

"I'll see what I can do"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the levi action begins from next chapter


	3. Chapter 3

"Eren, Mikasa!" You cheered as the infamous duo approached the food stash you were current behind from. Mikasa greeted at you with ease, leaving Eren dumbfounded on the spot, wondering about your presence at the café.

"Wait, why are you dresses like that?"

"Dressed like what, Eren?" You snapped, with blinking eyes being sure and confident about today's outfit. Was a turtleneck such a disastrous part of your outfit?

"Like you're working here"

Oh. Well, he probably wasn't aware of the situation, you figured. Him and Mikasa didn't talk about Jean and you a lot, since Eren never thought from the start you were making the right choice and oh you could sense the upcoming 'I told you so' from miles apart.

"Well Eren, I'm indeed working here."

Eren blinked his eyes in question at your words, what about Jean and him not letting you work, or what about you focusing on university more than anything else?

"Does Jean know about this?"

Mikasa flinched. She obviously knew what had happened, being one of your closest friends after Sasha, but she had never mentioned anything to Eren about your break up with Jean. Maybe she should have though, to avoid what was going to happen now. She knew you weren't over it, and maybe Eren asking questions out of a sudden as if nothing was wrong, hurt you.

"No, he doesn't. Jean and I broke up a month ago"

"Oh" Eren's jaw dropped and voice wouldn't come out of his mouth, even if he tried. You and Jean were over? Not that he cared about Jean but... you..  you loved him so much and had to be forced to chose to be with Jean one too many times over being with your group of friends. 

"Yeah, so would you like the Christmas Special that we serve or..."

"We'll have two Christmas ones, (Y/n)" Mikasa snapped and grabbed Eren by his arm to drag him in a table to the corner of the café, knowing full well he was going to start bombarding her with questions. 

But it was better bombarding her instead of you. She knew Eren would probably get really angered after he'd listen the reason you weren't with Jean anymore, because he, Mikasa and Armin, knew you since you were a kid and even though he has been angered all the times you had chose him over them, he'd now be infuriated now.

_______________

Spending Christmas with your family wasn't in your plans for the year either -because guess who was supposed to be on vacation with Jean- but you paid your visit nevertheless. Not to mention it had been a while since you can't back home.

Your brother and his wife hadn't changed a thing in the house even after their little baby was born. He didn't even have a problem with staying at the enormous house with your father, and you could see where this was coming from. He always wanted someone to fill the house, with a caring mother who loved her children as nothing else in the world and maybe a kiloton of said children so it wouldn't ever be empty.

Back when it was just you, him and your father the house was silent and empty, filled with tension and sadness. You had the same dreams as him. Someone who cared, because you were willing to care that much, and a bunch of children to love too. You were never going to be like your mother and at one point Jean's mother had became a role model to you. 

You felt your cheek rest up as you thought about these times and only the you went back to the reality that people called  "Christmas dinner" and your current place at the kitchen, cutting a variety of vegetables for the salad you had promised your father to make.

"Are you okay sweetie?" Your brother's wife voice filled your eardrums as she came up behind you to pat your back.

"I'm fine Cecil. I just" you paused, feeling another wave of tears coming. You needed to let it out, although you were fully aware that now wasn't the time. "Im just so happy you and my brother have a family now and live here, its overwhelming" Cecil's hands came around you to rub your back soothingly as you cried. You felt pitied when she whispered something between "oh I'm so sorry, it's okay" and  "I'm really sorry he left you sweetie, but it'll be okay. I've been through asshole too before bumping on your brother"

She tried to comfort you but it didn't seem to work. She knew from your brother about how you must have been a little unstable at present, because that was what you'd become when someone left.

"There will be someone who won't -"

"(Y/n), dad wants you to the living room." Your brother burst in, making you and his wife to turn your heads to his direction.

Wiping the tears off your face you went to wash your hands off and walk to your father only to be greeted with the, oh so very familiar, glare of steel blue you had grown used to seeing almost every day for over a month now.

"Oh (Y/n), what are these good news Levi tells me here, huh?" 

Blinking in shock wasn't going to get you anywhere, you figured. Your features softened after a moment or two and instead of your depressing pout, your lips crooked upwards in a warm manner. You didn't even know Levi was invited (and as you were soon to be informed, Erwin too) but one thing your mother had taught you when she seemed all loving and kind was to never be rude when a guest was in your house. Plus you an Levi were in really good terms.

"Hey, welcome Levi"  you greeted, earning a nod from the man. Heat rushed in your cheeks for an unknown reason as he stared in your eyes for longer than usual. 

Usual...

Lately he'd been giving you too much attention in class, calling you after the period ended to tell you about that part that you had missed because you were spacing. In Sasha's words he either was a really good teacher or had taken a liking on you. You didn't believe it at first but after noticing movements you had been advised to notice you could say you were nearly convinced something was going on.

But wasn't it too early for you to start having a new love life? 

"Well yes dad. I decided yours and Erwin's offer is the best that can happen to me. Erwin's and Levi's company is one of the top in architectonics, design and customising of internal and external spaces and since I'm more than able to work there why shouldn't I?"

Your father blinked in amazement at your words and patted Levi's back cheerfully. A genuine smile covered your face at the sight of your father being happy with your life choices.   
"Seems that breaking up with the asshole helped you-"

"Oh I almost forgot! It's your birthday, right?" You cursed under your breath right after you snapped towards Levi's position, causing him to look sharply at you. You didn't need your father opening that conversation when you've been crying about it some minutes ago. Crying in front of Levi wasn't the best thing to do, especially over a past relationship. He wouldn't mind bringing up one of his amazing insults, even if the two of you were close. In any normal day you wouldn't mind listening to Levi swearing you like a sailor, either, but at the moment you didn't have to get this out of him, for the sake of your nerves.

_______________

_"This is the most perfect painting Jean! Thank you so much babe!" You exhaled and clapped your hands over your mouth to muffle the squeals that escaped. Could he be more sweet? A portrait of you with smiling, glowing eyes and your signature smiling face were delicately painted on the canvas with such grace. It was just for you, his angel. Just as the painting was named._

_"I love you so much!" You cried out and excitedly threw tour arms around his strong torso, trying to pull him as much closer as you could ever muster. You loved him, so so so so much that you could never get enough of him and his amazing presence. The only one that loved you, the only one you loved back with all your might._

_His fingers came to firmly set in your chin and lift your head up. Soft lips were crushed upon your own and you felt your heart was ready to explode. Your whole body was on fire, breaking in pieces and just like his, they were now coming together to form an unbreakable bond between you two._

_And in a second it was all crushed. Back into a million pieces. Your connection and love with him was there, laying on the floor in the form of black glass pieces that Jean genuinely threw away._

_"Jean nooo, noooo"_

_And then somewhere throughout falling into an endless black hole you found yourself sitting in the back of Levi's class. Everyone else was gone, probably the period had ended long ago, but still here you were. Your heart aches for being thrown away like a rag but Levi's steel blue eyes stared into yours. No words were spoken, before you felt into the black vain again._

"(Y/n)? (Y/n)! Wake the fuck up!"

"Huh? Levi?" You gasped, finally feeling air filling your lungs all the while your heart beat like a drum. A dream. Just a dream. You couldn't explain why you could never have a nice dream with Jean, and even if a month ago you'd pray to see him even in a dream, you wanted him gone now.

Levi's steel irises watched with interest as you tried to pry open your own. His button lip twitched; he knew this was very wrong as your professor and future employer he shouldn't be looking at you this way, he shouldn't be watching you all the time in class and calling you after. For an unknown reason something was switched on inside him ever since you presented yourself in front of him asking to sign up for his class. Even though he'd be so passionate about letting it out when he was alone, the mere thought of feeling something wrong for someone who he had known for so long was making him contain himself.

Nevertheless you were probably going to reject him and he wasn't in the mood to feel like he was fifteen again and the girl he'd hit on despised him because he was what he was.

He could sense how blind you were towards his interest in you and knowing the reason why he had decided not to try his luck.

It's only been a month or so... why was he feeling like that? Why couldn't the tingling sensation in his abdomen and the tightening in his chest just go away. You were so young for him, so pure to be darkened by the mysteries of his life and yet most of the time he felt so selfish, as to have you all to himself even though he knew he couldn't.

He never believed one wonders, especially the ones that were supposed to happen in Christmas night or so, but here he was, in your father's house, unable to leave because of the hideous blizzard, sitting on a black leather couch and watching TV, with you sleeping on his lap. He couldn't even think to dare try to wake you up as he had longer to see your face so peaceful and calm -almost flawless- without any concern on it. Just some faint tiredness.

"Oh I'm so so sorry, I never even realised I was hugging your leg" Levi couldn't help but nod at this genuine apology of yours as he felt a smirk coming to his face. Concealing it as much as he could muster, he rested his hand on your head, that was still laying on his leg, to brush the strands of hair away from your face so he could see you clearly, and mostly, to keep you to your place.

<>What the fuck are you doing?<>

"It's fine you brat, you were sweating and thrusting around, that's why I woke you up"

"It.. was a nightmare" you sighed and scratched your collarbone and chest. "And I'm not a brat. Not anymore."

Once again, this caused Levi to lock his stare with yours as his hand froze to the top of your hair. Did this mean you wanted this too? That you didn't mind of the age gap or his foul language, or was this just his anxious brain kicking in?

"You're not?"

"Obviously." 

Levi sighed deeply, chest rising and falling as if he was in pain, and for some reason it made you guess that he was probably going through something.

"Well, I uhm... I never got you a birthday present, you know I don't have much time for shopping, but is there anything you want? I should have bought something for Christmas too, but I wasnt aware that you and Erwin spent it here..."

"There's nothing you can get me, (Y/n). I have my own money" His hand continued going soothingly through your hair, as he stared down on you. In the blink of an eye his mind had flashed with an idea. Something that he could use in his advantage to get you closer to him.

"You don't even want something that money cant buy?"

_Don"t even think of mouthing this nonsense..._

"Well"

 

_Fuck no, Levi, get your shit together._

 

"You could teach me some of your fine arts shit. It's interesting."

Seing Levi was willing to accept a gift from you even in this form, made you feel enthusiastic. Even though your eyes were ready to give in to sweet sleep once again, you couldn't help but feel an all bubbly feeling in your chest. Maybe Sasha's predictions were right and this was an excuse of him to get closer to you. Or maybe she wasn't right, and Levi just needed to have some more physical contact with a person. Being friends and feeling as an essential part of someone's life. He had always haf these unbreakable walls around him, and maybe for once in his life he wanted to open a little door for someone to come in. 

If only you knew...

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that if anyone's reading this, they like it so far:)


	4. Chapter 4

"Sasha stooooooooop!"

Sasha's laughter was audible through the whole apartment and even slightly over the loud music from your living room. You didn't only get to celebrate New Year with your dear group of friends, but you organised a celebration for your new apartment too. Everyone had brought house essentials and booze as gifts making you extremely enthusiastic about finally living on your own.

No more than five minute ago Sasha, who in her defense had gotten so much to drink and thank God she was sleeping over, had asked for a tour of the apartment, for a fifth time.

"No (Y/n) I cant stooooooooop! Look at this this is not your painting and neither Jean's, so whose is iiiiiit?" You felt your eyes roll to the back of your head at her ability to recognize and observe anything even at a drunk state. It was truly marvelous, but really unnecessary at the very moment. You couldn't just tell a drunk Sasha that Levi had come over _to fucking draw_. "Pleaseeeeee tell me swetieeeeeeeeee"

"Is everything alright in there? It's almost time for the new year to come and most of the drunk freaks think you're having obnoxious sex with all this squealing" 

Ymir. Ymir was the only sane one probably and she could save you from Sasha's screaming and clinging. You'd have to deal with it after everyone left but for now you could only ask for her help.

"Thank God Ymir, I'm so glad you're here to help, open the door" you groaned and watched as the door opened some seconds after.

"I'm going to make this clear, I'm not going to join so plea- oh"

"Oh? Just oh? Can you get her off me please? I'm sure there's a huge mess in the-"

A loud voice interrupted you, making both you and Ymir turn your heads towards the open door of your small studio, to listen better. 

_"there's a little- someone on the door for youuuuuuu!"_

"Is that Connie?" Ymir wondered, unable to discriminate the speaker, who had been obviously pretty drunk to speak in their own sober voice.

_"Brat, move the fuck out of my way"_

_"Oh hey Leeeeviiii"_

_"Fuck he's here to beat me up again!"_

Fuck. No. At that very moment you felt as if every 'no' spoken ever since the words was invented couldn't be enough to describe what you were feeling right now. Levi had strongly refused to come to your New Year party, because he wasn't part of your group of friends and as knew better than show up to your party, so why was he here anyways.

Only a moment had passed after the hearing of his name being called and suddenly Levi was leaning on the door frame, watching the scene unfold in front of him.

"Need help?" He muttered. Nothing too loud, just his usual monotone voice speaking, offering any service he could. You shook your head in denial and just passed Sasha to Ymir, who left with the half asleep girl. She had quickly realised that neither her nor Sasha belonged to the background of any conversation between you and the ravenette. 

"It's only five minutes until New Year, so please show up, I cant deal with everyone's drunk asses and Mikasa is not helping me." Once she saw your hesitant nod, Ymir disappeared. 

It took a moment or two for you to build up any courage to speak, to ask for a simple explanation for Levi's arrival. 

"So.. what made you change your mind?"

"I was alone and therefore I figured I should listen to you"

"Since when does Levi Ackerman listen to brats like me?" 

A chuckle escaped your lips as your arms crossed over your chest, expecting Levi's answer. You knew that it'd never come, because he'd hate to admit that he had actually sat down to think about your little speech to him some days ago, but it seemed to amuse you nevertheless. Plus just staring at his face felt like a bless lately. How had you failed to notice he was so utterly and completely breathtaking? Had his eyes always been that particular tone between grey and light blue, or had his hair been such a shiny jet black. And seriously, when did his lower lip became fuller than the upper one? Weren't his lips thin and chapped?

And most of all... why were you thinking about it now?

"We should uhmm... go to the living room..." your voice came out as a hitch, signaling your current situation. 

"You're drunk aren't you?"

"Not as much as Sasha, I think I'll manage"

Levi's eyes bored onto your facial features. There was something, something about your face that prevented him from doing what he had come to do in the first place. He swallowed hard as he took a glance of your lips; they were plumper than they used to be the last time he silently observed them and for some reason it made his chest tighten. How couldn't his dirty mind not think about how good your lips would look and feel on him. It was as if you were challenging him to suck every ounce of air that currently existed through your body.  
____________

"Hey Reiner" your voice softly greeted the blonde male, who was leaning over a booth, scrubbing it with all his might. 

"Hey, sweet cheeks. How was your night?"

A small giggle escaped your mouth at his question. There wasn't really an answer to that and he knew it, but he had to ask nevertheless. He loved that face you made, that was probably full of so much sass that one day would explode into the most amazing remark you'd ever make.

"How do you think it was? I don't remember most of it and nevertheless, having to deal with a drunk Sasha, whether you're drunk or not, is pure torture. Damn she even forced me to try to imitate ocean sounds to her."

"Oh so you had that much fun" Reiner smirked. He never really imagined your sleepovers with Sasha being less than wild, and knowing how she acted when she was drunk, he was so convinced you had some fun. Somehow your struggling to out her to sleep was even funnier.

"You really have no idea Reiner. I think it's about time she and Connie hook up. At least that way some of the tension and madness will be contained" 

That set Reiner's laughter off to maximum. It looked as if he couldn't even take a breath at some point, to which you smiled. It had certainly been a while since you'd made someone laugh like that. You would have loved to stay there and smile wholeheartedly as Reiner kept laughing, but the though of acting like the good employee you were supposed to be you vanished in the depths of the small closet he had, so you could change in your working outfit.

"Oh by the way, thanks for letting me wear fluffier clothes, it's good to see someone acknowledges how cold I get"

Reiner looked at you up and down before he thought of a good answer. He didn't feel like what he was going to utter would be the best think to say and a simple 'you're welcome' wouldn't be enough. So he raised his dark blond brow and opened his mouth, ready to speak.

"Yeah of course, I get cold too sometimes even with the heating. And I get that you were used to lay under blankets when the weather was so harsh, because Jean didn't want you to work."

_Oh way to go Reiner. Remind her of Jean once again, asshole._

"Uhhh anyway, the washclothes are where I remember them to be right?"

With a nod, you walked over to the behind of the stall to grab a wash towel, to help the blond with the cleaning. A conversation about Jean was not even in your mind right now. In order to be over this, you had to stop talking and thinking about him. And that was your goal. Though Reiner was your friend, and it was well known between you two that he never said anything to hurt you.

"Well, uhm... I wanted to ask why Levi came yesterday... it's not that it's my business or anything it was weird you know"

You didn't really know what to answer at that and it was practically the reason you had been happy Levi had said no in the first place. You and him were never that close despite him being a family friend, but for se unknown reason you were trying to spend more and more time with him.

"Well, you were the one who said I should take his class, and we happened to spend Christmas together, and he came to help me with cleaning my apartment before I set everything in. I felt it was the right thing to do. Plus you know he was so willing to help me take his class"

"He wasn't willing, he kicked you out four times before he fully agreed."

Your chest rose and fell inside your fluffy black sweater as you sighed. There really wasn't an explanation as to why you had called Levi except one thing. It want because he helped you, or because he spent Christmas at your house. 

It was because you were intrigued to say at least. You wanted to find out his reason for his soft spot for you with a raging desire. But was this even logical? Maybe he didn't have a soft spot for you and it was all in your head. Then again, why wasn't he all cold and stoic around you?

"Look, Reiner, I don't really know. I wanted him to be there and he was. I really appreciated his presence there because he accepted my offer."

"Whoah" Reiner replied "if I didn't knwo you better, I'd say you have the hots for him. Having your weird dreams and all."

What? Oh no! You werent having this! You having the hots for Levi? This was so many years of light away from what you thought about the current situation. Just looking at Reiner's face made you want to punch him at the moment. 

"Nooo, I don't have the hots for him dumbass, how did this even come to your mind, this is so stupid. Like oh my god why can you even imagine me and Levi doing it? Eww"

"Yeah sure" Reiner chuckled amd looked straight at your flushed face. "I can surely imagine you doing it and I don't care who you want it to be with"

"REINER!"

______________

Reiner's words were burning in your mind like hot iron all the time throughout your drive to your apartment. It was torturing to say at least. Your mind, your dirty little mind, was caged by what Reiner had said to you and would let you pay attention to the road. It wouldn't even let you rest at ease. All you could do was imagine Levi's hands and lips all over your sweaty body, kissing and sucking and touching parts that he shouldn't. You didn't even know how you were supposed to face him in less than an hour and at the moment you cursed yourself for agreeing to help him learn how to sketch and draw like you. You didn't own it to him, you should not be in any torturous place at the moment. 

Maybe a cold shower would help right? Yeah.. if it wasn't fucking snowing outside, then you would probably-

Your thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the familiar sound of your ringtone. A quick look at the caller's ID convinced you to break your own rules about talking on the phone while driving.

"Hey Levi" you said in the easiest tone you could probably master at the moment, although no form of fake kindness was ever going to protect you from the wave of frustration that was coming right at you.

_"(Y/n), I uhmm... It won't be able for me to come tonight."_

"Oh.. uhmm it's okay I guess" you lied. You knew that he could probably sense it, because you gulped in annoyance before you answered him, but you didn't care. Maybe showing off some emotion for once, instead of keeping the sweetheart façade on your face all the time, was better.

_"What's wrong?"_

"I'm driving that's all. Anyway, I'm too tired so yeah, I think that's better"

 _"I didn't ask you if it was better. I said I can't come"_ ouch, could he probably be harsher with your currently vulnerable feelings?

"Jeez Levi okay don't be like that. Come whenever you want to" your mouth immediately shut after this, realizing it probably didn't come out like you wanted it too. Again you mentally cursed yourself, couldn't your mind just shove all these thoughts away to the darkest corner that ever exited? "Anyway, I guess we'll see each other in university."

_"Yeah"_

And with that it was all gone. Your phone slipped softly form your fingers to the passenger's seat as the silence enveloped you. Your mind had finally stopped being wild after all this torture it had put you through. You felt a chill run through you whole body as all your excitement was vanished in the blink of an eye. You didn't want to stress over that phonecall, even though Levi had just acted cold as stone to you. You didn't want to hide it that you had felt slightly excited to spend the first day of this new year with Levi, but you had to forget about it, so it wouldn't hurt you. 

You'd just have to call Sasha and maybe Mikasa to see if they wanted to come over. They probably would say no, because they had someone else to spent this night with, which made your thoughts run back to Jean. He had called to wish you Merry Christmas and he'd probably call to wish you a happy new year too, but you decided that if he would, you wouldn't pick up. If this fucking hypocrite wanted your new year to be good and happy, he'd be here, right next to you, watching that same old movie you'd watch on every January first night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm halfway done with next chapter but I don't know if I should add nsfw in it or not..


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is a warning I guess!? I didn't add anything too nsfw but the *coughs*you know what scene is implied.... oh and excuse any typing mistake because I wrote this on my phone and it's really easy to make mistakes...
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy~

"This piece of shit just splashed in my fucking face, can you be more careful or do I have to murder you?" Levi practically spat at you for the hundredth time that evening.

"Levi if you don't stop I'm not sure if my outrage will be so kind as the last one."

"Can you fuck off, and clean this thing off of me?" He growled and threw the brush away with a twirl of his hand. Your anger coiled in your stomach, ready to burst once again for the evening and as you had warned this time you wouldn't take care of being as kind as to apologize. You have had enough of his unappreciative behavior and his temper. Who was he to take out his own anger on you?

"Shut the hell up okay? I don't know why you're being like that to me, but I'm not willing to deal with your stubborn ass okay? I have my own problems and you're only making me feel worse"

"Been a while till someone fucked your shit for brains?"

At this, you snapped. Your fist collided with the table in front of you -you decided to ignore the pain- and your lower lip twitched in annoyance. Your heart was beating so fast and hard in your chest and as you screamed profanities out to Levi, you thought it'd break. Probably, as Levi figured at least, you hadn't realised you were crying on top of this priceless reaction to his words.

"GET. OUT. OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!" You yelled at the top of your lungs to his face. Your body jerked and your eyes burned and secretly you wished to know what had happened to him to act like that out of a sudden. But this was the real Levi and even if you hated to admit it, unless you couldn't bring your self to come to grips with it, then probably you should stop day dreaming about him already. He was always someone so out of reach, so out of your league that it was pathetic to even imagine he could ever have some feelings for you.

Or that was what you told yourself. You didn't know what was going on in his head at the moment, because his stoic and emotionless face didn't give anything away. Nevertheless how could you probably sense how aroused he was by seeing you in such a state. He had always hated it when women tried to scream at him or boss him around, but when these actions were displayed by you, he could only feel electric jolts run through his whole being.

It wasn't that he didn't feel bad. He hated the fact that he had made you cry, and most of all, he hated himself with all his might for having to act like that in front of you, but he was not a patient man. He had anger issues and a dirty mouth that hurt anyone who didn't know him -or at least claimed to- he never showed his emotions and even though he was really tempted to slam you against a wall and _show_ you how he felt, he decided to do the only logical thing. 

"'Tch, _brat"_

He got up in a swift move and grabbed his car keys that proudly stood on the kitchen counter before slamming your door. He knew you were still crying, because as he left he could hear your unmuffled sobs. Why had he pushed you so much to the edge? He thought that maybe in that way you'd probably reveal any sexual frustration that you held for him. He had expected a somehow harsh reaction, knowing you were a silent and kind person that tried her best to obey, but he hadn't realised how much he had irritated you. Although, thinking he should have known better wasn't going to get him anywhere and he knew it. 

He must have been so fucking stupid to be so oblivious to the fucking blizzard that had forced him to get stuck in your apartment building. With quick steps he entered the elevator once again and pressed the button thst would lead him to your floor in a matter of seconds.

You didn't hesitate to open, but your expression said that you had rather not to. Levi could sense that you would apologize; that's what you'd always do if you were acting terribly to someone, but first he had to set some boundaries to your little outrages. Without even thinking about it, he grabbed your chin, to force you to look straight at him. Your hard swallowing signaled, you were indeed intimidated and surprised by his actions and he _almost_ smirked, knowing that now, he had you were he wanted you.

"You don't get to talk to me like that, you imbecile, you understand? It's better if you stuff it in your shitty brain from now that I'm not some kind of Prince charming."

"And who said I wanted you to be that? I'm just trying to prove you that you're not so cold as you think you are. I don't know for what reason you didn't act like that to me but it hurts me to see you're trying the opposite right now." 

You felt as if you should swallow your tongue and never speak again. Maybe Levi did well for not letting his grip off your jaw, because if you were to talk more, you'd probably irritate him more. 

"I don't _need_ you to prove _anything_ for me!"

Silence crept in the air as tension began to gather in the stare Levi and you shared. He didn't need to speak again to get his message through. 

Levi felt his abdomen tighten due to a blissful knot that had gathered in his stomach. He still wasn't sure how someone like you had gotten him to feel like that. It had been such a long time since he felt something similar for a woman. He'd usually want someone to spend some of his time with, because he didn't want to miss sex, but this... this was so different. In these three months he had tried to get a hold of himself, but always a softer side of him would come out when he was with you. He had also tried to convince his shitty brain that this was wrong, you were so much younger and he was too emotionless for someone that expressed her feelings so obviously.

But it had been a while since he made a bad decision, right? 

These decisions never got him anywhere good, but at the moment he longer for the momentarily satisfaction and not the outcome of it. He could sense the tension  
growing between you and him -he was no fool and his experience with women couldn't let him get the wrong idea. He was so sure that he wanted to feel your lips against with all the power in his gut, but there was something in in tense atmosphere that he didnt like. Something had to be shattered in order for their bodies to collide in the ways _he_ wanted to.

 

"...You're hurting me"

"Huh?" Steel irises landed on yours, full if quarry. Your throat felt dry, your jaw was numb and you were sure that there would be marks from his fingers and his nails that dug deep in your skin for so long. A feeling of fear had gathered in the knot that made your throat feel dry, reflecting in your eyes in the most horrifying way possible. You had no idea what kind of mysterious thoughts run through Levi's dark mind as he looked at you.

When his hand left your jaw a soft sob wracked your vulnerable frame. 

 

He took some steps back, to look at your bruised and erected skin, only to feel complete disgusted once again. He had forgotten he was able to hurt those who he held feelings for and it engrossed him to think that he was like that. Nevertheless, there was no point in asking himself why he was a violent person. There were so many things he had wanted to fix on himself that turned out to be the complete opposite of being able to be fixed, that he didn't bother anymore. He knew you weren't going to ask him why he had done it, because he knew you, probably like the palm of his hand.

Maybe it was this that drawn him to you. He didn't have to get to know someone from the start; you were full of surprises.

"I should cook... I was going to make macaroni with mushrooms, cheese, sausages, bacon and Philadelphia...oh and heavy cream." There it was. That sweet voice that would ring in his head even in his most private moments. It only had been three months, how had you captures his entire human being in such short time?

"Eating like an athlete I see..."

"Whatever, if you don't want to eat you assh-"

"Asshole... yeah... what do you want me to help you with?"  
__________

A peck. 

That's all he ever needed. To feel your skin against his lips just for once and then it'd all be over. A little taste from the forbidden fruit was all he needed to get his hunger over with. 

You had fallen asleep long ago, very deep in watching that comedy series that made your face light up in excitement and happiness everytime a joke was said.

Of course he hadn't ceases on the opportunity of hosting your delicate head on his thighs, so he could play with your front strands, just like on Christmas night. You looked so peaceful and beautiful as the light of the television reflected upon you, complementing your figure. His cold stare, fell affectionately on the area of your breasts, staring as if they'd burn holes in the warm and fluffy pajama top. Earlier he had almost gone mad when you announced him that you wanted to take a bath.

Even now, he could feel the space in his pants tighten each time your chest rose and fell. There was something, something special about this peaceful moment that had gotten him so aroused. His mind had thought it was such a clever idea to lean and kiss your forehead, because if another day passed and he still didn't know how your skin tasted upon his lips, he was going to lose his sanity. 

Therefore, he pushed back the hair hed slowly been petting all this time amd leaned in with lips, puckered and ready to land on your skin.

Had he known that you'd tilt your head backwards, subconsciously trying to find the warmth that played with your head while you were sleeping, he'd probably had done this earlier.

It felt as electricity run through his whole being at the realisation. His lips hand fell in yours. His lips were on yours. He was kissing you. A gawk that left his throat was enough to get you to wake up. Your eyes stared into his for a millisecond before you realised what was going on, why he was so close to you. 

"What the fuck, Levi. If you want to have sex with me at least try to do it while I'm awake, you sick bastard"

Somehow, you wished you had never said those words. Sure, there was no reason as to why Levi would be kissing you while you were asleep, but you had wanted this too. Ever since your face had come so close to his while you were cleaning the blue paint stain for his delicate features, you could only think about his fuller, lower lip and how you wanted to suck it between your lips. 

Maybe for once you needed to act on impulse. Over thinking could kill your passion and lust, and you weren't willing to let it go. Not at the moment, because in a way Levi had made you feel more things in a night than anyone had all these years. You hadn't been angrier or happier, never been frustrated and excited at the same time.

Still laid on his lap, your hands extended to his face to pull him back on your level. Your lips hungrily glided over his; and oh, how you wished you could hear his thoughts. His left hand came to scoop your back up for him as his right rested on the hem of your button up pajama shirt. Every time his fingers brushed upon the nake flesh of your neck and collarbones, shivers run through your body like crazy. You were certain that the hair on the back of your neck was up until now.

 

"You know this is wrong, right?" He questioned in a husky voice that the mere sound of it made your legs tremble.

"Yes, I don't care, just..." you paused. Your lungs seemed to have run out of air, even though you couldn't speak a word without taking in a sharp breath first. "Pleaseee" you whined. A low grunt escaped your mouth as his hand lane on top of your left breast, to feel your heartbeat.

_____________

The two of you laid next to each other, lazing in that blissful afterglow that results from  
vigorous lovemaking. Levi's eyes, watery from the overflow of pleasure he had just experienced, bored into yours, that were in the same condition as his. 

"I know you probably want to leave as soon as the weather allows you to, but please stay"

_Begging again, (Y/n)? Where did this even get you in your life?_

"If youre not here in the morning I'll probably regret this and i don't want to. _I really don't want to regret this_ " 

Levi spoke no word. His answer was only a sharp nod, before he shifted his body so he was laying on his stomach. A muscular hand came to rest over your naked stomach, pulling you closer to him. Slowly, you watched, as his beautiful steel blue irises began to close. Not long after you felt sleep enveloping you too, in its sweet embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured it's too soon for me to add smut in this story but if you want me too I guess I will do it
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse my mistakes, I didn't have time to edit it

His eyes shone an amazing shade of grey when the morning light pooled over his deliriously beautiful face. Your fingers hesitantly went to comb through his hair; up and down, from the fluffy and shiny raven strands to the harsh undercut.

He had indeed stayed, because you had told him. There wasn't a bigger proof that he felt something for you. Levi usually opted to do his thing and had never liked to be bossed around.

Of course, his eyes were open and before you could even comprehend what was going on his grip was so hard on your wrist that it felt as if he was going to pull it off. You didn't know what had gone wrong in your effort to express your affection towards him, when last night all he seemed to want to do was being touched by you and only you.

"I-i-im sorry, I d-didn't mean to"

"Are you cold?" His voice was husky and deep. Deeper than it would usually sound. It was only natural that it sent more shivers down your already trembling body. Yet somehow you hadn't noticed you were so cold until now that he pointed it out.

"What?"

"Don't make me repeat myself, your hands are shaking like crazy and your nipples have stiffened."

"Hey no need to say that" you squelched and tried to pull the covers over your naked torso. Warmth seems sto spread everywhere on your body as you hid under the blanket, your body still shaking from the sudden change of temperature.

"Your breasts are right in front of my face you know"

How Levi's face remained so stoned cold even after just having woken up, amused you to no end. You secretly enjoyed his 'resting bitchface' with all your might. Your heart fluttered from just being able to getting to wake up next to him in the morning, your (E/c) eyes staring deep into steel blue ones. 

"They're not"

His grip on your wrist was gone amd even though you felt dirty to admit it, it kind of turned you in that Levi was so strong. Last night you had even found arousing the way he gribbed on your thighs; needy fingers and sharp nails dug into your sensitive skin, promising bruises and marks that could last until next time came?

Wait? Was there going to be a next time?

Well it was hard to think or talk about it at the moment as Levi tore the covers off of your firm and laid his whole body on yours, head tenderly resting between your breasts.

"Now they are"

This man was going to be the death of you. It didn't take a while to realise because it was a simple remake you had to make to your own self. You found it somehow addicting; his chest rising up and down in sync with your own, his heartbeat almost matching yours. It felt as if everything that had happened in your life had been to lead you to this moment of bubbling, joyful happiness mixed with lust and passion. You didn't know when you had developed some sort of feeling for the ravenette, but it didn't matter anymore.

The kisses, the touches he had given you last night had felt like fire and all the marks looked like burns to you. Even if he never wanted to do this again, these love marks would remain printed in the back of your head like hot iron. You didn't need Jean anymore. The only thing you needed to pursue was the rightful place to be next to Levi.  
_______

"OH MY GOD, YOU SLUT!"

"Sasha for god's sake, keep it down"

"No! Oh dear God, you fucked LEVI out if all people. I bet he's a sex god. Come on tell meeeee" Sasha was pulling at her hair. It had been a while since she'd let it hang loose from the grips of her ponytail holders, but as she had said, she had noticed that the longer she kept it in a ponytail, it would fall. 

"Sasha, I swear you'll pull the little hair you have left" you sighed and carefully took her hands in yours, after untangling from her hair. Unfortunately the loss of some small strands was unavoidable. "Please be more quiet too. I don't want Reiner to hear this"

Sasha nodded in understanding. It shocked her though; to know that her best friend had went all the way with Levi. THE Levi. The one who always gave everyone hates and made mean poop jokes -god could only make them jokes- Levi, who was almost a decade older than everyone you changed out with. Sure she had had her guesses and suspicions about Levi liking you ever since you told her about his behavior towards you, but she had never expected this.

Did this mean you wanted Levi too?

"Well I'm sorry, (Y/n), but it's so sudden for me... I hadn't even noticed there was any sexual tension between the two of you." 

"Well you know-" you started to reply, but was immediately interrupted by two so familiar faces entering the café.

"Oh hey guys, (Y/n) had sex with Levi"

A loud gasp escaped Connie's and Marco's mouths as you proceeded to bury your head in your hands, sighing. 

"Why are you so indecisive, huh?"

Connie eyed at you with a devilish smirk plastered on his face. Truth be told, you were almost afraid to hear what he had to say. All you wanted was to talk about this with your friend, but every moment passing made you regret that decision.

Maybe you should have just told Mikasa.

Yeah to get beat the fuck up. Good thinking (Y/n

"So I guess you don't mind Jean bringing his girlfriend over right? It's his mom's birthday and he wants to see her. He told me to tell you to pick up the phone, because his mom isn't aware about your break up."

Another sigh escaped your lips. Girlfriend... Jean had a girlfriend. You felt as if you'd attack anyone who dared to speak about it for the next few seconds. Sasha and Connie could be so insensitive most of the time. You didn't blame them, and in other times you loved how they'd be so open and out going, but this was too far.

Or maybe Connie had done well. People refused to talk about Jean and his new life in front of you and it made you feel as if you were a baby that was not allowed to hear their parents' conversation. Nevertheless, none of your friends could have expected your outburst, and honestly neither did you. 

"Let's talk about how much of and honest and loyal man Jean is, Marco. I'd like to hear it once again."

Connie seemed so taken aback by your snap more than anyone that stood before the scene. He hadn't expected you to snap at Marco, he thought that you were probably too angry at him, to because what had Marco even did? Nonetheless, Connie seemed to understand what must had been said between the two of you some months ago. He didn't seem to understand though why you and Jean wanted to make every one pick sides. Maybe it was even more wrong that everyone had picked their side. 

These days Sasha didnt even bother with Jean's well being and she had told Connie she didn't even care he was coming over for the weekend. Thats why she opted not to say a word to you. Your brunette friend wanted you to move on from Jean. She knew you'd never find the strength to let Jean go if every one kept on talking about him as if nothing had happened and she wanted you out of this toxic situation.

"Hey no need to snap at Marco, (Y/n)? What did he even do to you?"

You cocked your head to the side at Connie's words, wondering how he could be so insensitive. All the seemed to do was lie to you to protect Jean. Your heart stunk with sorrow as you looked at the three people before you that you recognized as your friends. Your eyes were probably watered st the point and you felt as if you'd cry any moment. But as you supposed you were stinger than this.

"Look, I don't think we... uhm... well, look I never wanted you to pick sides. You guys did that. You're lying to me to protect Jean and I don't think I deserve this okay? I don't care whether Jean brings his new girlfriend over or not. But you should befriend her since you don't seem to like me"

With that you got up and headed straight in the kitchen, where Reiner was baking something that smelt like cake. He had so many costumers that came to eat these delicious sweets and cakes he was making that you understood why a code at this place of town had so many costumers.

You sat on a chair right across from the oven and crossed your hands together. Reiner turned to take a look at you the moment you sighed. An adorable pout customized your face -well at least in his opinion- and angry glares were being shot from your eyes to the floor.

"Everything okay?"

"Fucking Marco and Connie, why do they lie to me all the time? Well you know what? I don't regret screwing Levi because at least he's not lying or pretending." You were so angry that it took a while for you to understand what you had uttered. Your eyes widened as the landed on Reiner's face.

At your words Reiner's mind blanked of his previous thoughts of attempting to answer you about Connie and Marco. A mischievous grin plastered on his face as he looked at you.

"So I was right, huh? You and short stuff"

"Whaaaaat? Noooo. Oh god Reiner don't tell anyone else, too many people know already." You were so sure that a faint blush had creeped it's way onto your features as you talked about last night. And you knew how worse it'd be when you'd have to spill everything to Reiner. You wouldn't be given a choice and you knew so damn well.

"Get the fuck ready to tell me about this. But first I think you should talk with Connie and Marco. They're Jean's friends too and they're trying to protect him as Mikasa and Sasha do for you"

You felt like a kid when Reiner ruffled your hair with his enormous hand. It still was a wonder why he wasn't chosen by any team right after high school, because he was such a good and talented football player. He was always so built that he looked like a giant, even before Berthold, who was so much taller than him. 

"I hate apologizing"

"I know, but if they don't either, then give them a go bye girl" Reiner spoke with the twist of his wrist and a tint of his hip. It was so funny how he'd pitch his voice when he tried to mimic some of the very loud and bitchy customers that would always hit on him.

"Reiner, don't be such a basic bitch"

"Who'd you call basic you hoe" Reiner replied in a fake offended tone. Laughter emitted from both of you as his wrist twisted again the moment his lips puckered. He was so good at making you laugh when you were fuming of anger.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted this chapter to be about Levi and his feelings and emotions 
> 
> I hope I did well

Levi sighed as he set his car keys on his kitchen counter. Every single moment from the previous night played in his head like a song on repeat. That song that you enjoy so much that you just want to listen over and over again until you get sick and tired of it.

That's what was happening with him. 

He felt so relieved to have finally set his hands on your form and roam your body in the ways he had wanted to. Come to think, he only ever told him self he needed just one night with you to forget the lust that came over him when he'd see you, but things turned out to be so far from that. He had expected it, to be honest. In the back of his head he knew there was a huge possibility that he'd want more. 

_He knew himself._

He lived with strange addictions and obsessions over things that others gave no fucks about. His stubbornness amd offensive behavior didn't match his age. He lacked the energy, or rather hated to spend his energy on worthless of his time things. His daily life was based on a routine that you had come to crush.

You had owned almost every thought of his being in these three months. His mind was always so occupied on your existence that he didn't notice his routine falling apart. 

In September he only cursed that he'd have to teach at that goddamn university for another year, until the found a standard replacement, but now, into January's snowy embrace he only wished this year wouldn't finish as he had wished for. 

Nevertheless, it was your last one. You'd graduate in a couple of months and he'd finally be able to have you work next to him.

He would be lying if he said he didn't seek any office romance. Thinking about it brought a strange feeling of arousal to his whole being, but this couldn't be the case. He knew that people would gossip a lot about him and you and the last thing he wanted for your upcoming career was to be labeled as "boss's fucktoy". He nonetheless was not the type of person to let his feelings out in the open for everyone to see, so your relationship with him would stay behind closed doors. Then and only then hed be able to roam your body every night, just like what had happened some hours ago. That's all he ever needed from life. To feel the satisfaction that you'd bring him with your presence and your never ending energy.

_Relationship? Get your shit together Levi, you had sex with her. You didn't become her man just because you fucked her._

He had to earn it then! His mind couldn't help but brainstorm the most fantastic ideas about how he was going to win you, to earn a place in your heart. And if he had faith in himself and the things he felt for you then it'd be an easy game for him.

_What the fuck is wrong with you, Levi? She can't be yours. You dont deserve to ruin someone like her._

He didn't feel like he cared though. He couldn't help the wave of insecurity that rushed through him as he entered his bathroom. For the first time he didn't care if his clothes stayed on the floor, unfolded, before he put them in the basket.

He took a good look of himself in the mirror. Shiny, onyx locks fell over his forehead and rested just a few inches after his eyes. Faint cheekbones that seemed to pop due to the outstanding color of his eyes. He'd been told numerous times that he should feel so graced that his eyes were suck an enchanting color. This gunmetal grey with tones of light blue. He'd always brush them off by saying they were just a set of eyeballs and their only use was to offer him the sense of vision. Secretly though he hoped you enjoyed this color just as much as he enjoyed your (E/c). 

Another feature of his that people would normally consider handsome was this nose. It was small and boopy, almost non existent at first sight. It's end was pointy, but far from being ugly. It gave away his French heritage.

Then his lips. He'd never felt so good with his lips as he was now. He felt as if they were soldiers that he had to be proud of. With them he had conquered your body. He'd never noticed that his lower lip was fuller than the top one and if he ever had, he must have forgotten it. Every move he made though, made his pair of lips burn in that dull sensation if addiction. He only wanted them to be on top of yours because he felt incomplete without this feeling.

Moving on his gaze from his face, his eyes landed on his body.There were scratches and bite marks all over his chest and abdomen and from what he could see, there were bruises on the sides of his hips. Oh how he had loved that moment when you gripped on his hips with your fingers to feel the moments of his thrusting.

He took another quick glance of his firm back before he wandered the shower. He didn't exactly love the scratches on his butt, because they hurt as he walked, but for se reason he thoughts the ones on his upper back looked like a work of art.

In a few short movements his body was engulfed by the warmness of the water. He could only imagine how your body felt when water hit on your fresh love marks, hopping he hadn't been too harsh. He'd hate to know, later, that you felt as if he had abused your body, mostly because he knew how to hurt, not to love.

But pleasure and pain were supposed to be a matching pair right?

_________________

He certainly wasn't prepared for Hanji's attack on him the moment she saw him. Out of the blue, a hundred questions about the previous night had been bombarded at him. He chose to ignore the brunette. There wasnt any other way she'd shut her mouth and Levi hated being asked about his personal life.

Although, Hanji was the closest thing he had to a friend, after Erwin. Even in his darkest and most moody days, Hanji could miraculously realise what was wrong with him, so it was only expected that she'd find out about you.

When she was in mood she'd decided that it was wise to tease him, even if that means he'd have to literally kick her out of his office. He was still surprised how the police department hadn't fired her yet, for being absent all the time. She wasn't always needed, as a forensic scientist in the police department, she'd have to wait days for a good case that would allow her to shut the door of her laboratory to everyone and work on her case for days.

"Oh my gooooddddddddss, I can tell by the look on your face that you DID SOMETHING. TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME!"

"Whatever, just leave me shitty glasses. Didn't you have a case?"

"YOU GOT SOME, OH MY GOOOOD. TELL ME THE JUICY DETAILS NOWW" Hanji's eyes filled with joy for more knowledge as she stared at the ravenette.

Levi blinked his eyes at her and hid his head between his palms. Suddenly, he found an itch to the front roots of his hair more interesting that the conversation he was forced in.

"LEVI!" Hanji soundly exhaled amd shook his whole being back and forth. God was she brought in this world just to vex him?"

"Don't fucking yell or I'll murder you!" He replied in his usual dark and monotone voice. Hanji's eyes dimmed to glimmer in excitement the moment she saw how angry he was.

"AHA! I KNEW IT! YOU KEEP AVOIDING IT. ILL ASK (Y/N) HERSELF NOW JUST YOU WAIT!" Hanji got up from her current place -right in front of Levi's office desk- fixed her glaces in the most mischievous way she could muster and run to the other side of the room. Levi would take a while to reach her there, she figured, she'd always known that if he'd kill her, it'd be slow and torturing and at the time being she thought it was worth it.

"Uhm hey, (Y/n)" 

" _Hey Hanji! How have you been?"_

"Oh I've been well, but Levi here, you see, has a huge problem"

Laughter almost burst out from her mouth as she fixed her stare at Levi, who looked at her as if this time he'd actually murder her. Oh how she loved the excitement.

_"Is he alright?"_

"Oh yeah, just, he thinks you broke his dick last night and-

"HANJI!" this time the laughter that was bubbling in her stomach came out. On the other side of the line, you were dumbfounded at the spot. Why had Hanji and Levi been talking about his -member-?

 _"Wha- look Hanji I didn't do such thing"_ The little chuckled that escaped her lips troubled you to no end, but if what she was saying was real then you'd have to be honest with her.

"Then how is he in pain sweetheart?"

_"If anyone should be hurting that's me, because my hips-"_

Levi's eyes were burning holes in Hanji's skull at the moment, which surprisingly intimidated her. In a swift move he was up and walking towards her with loud and determined steps. Oh she was <>so<> going to die right now.

"Ughhh i gotta go... I'll call you again sometime!" Hanji said from the other line and hung up on you in a matter of seconds. You didn't know, but after she had to end your call she had started running for her life.

________________

As Levi drove on the so familiar way that would lead him to the university, he couldn't stop thinking about what he wanted to happen. He didnt know -and probably didn't even care- what force was that caused him to be unable of taking his mind off of you. Why did it make him feel like he was a teenager again, in love with that girl he had seen once, walking down the street. Living the way he had used to, there wasn't really a chance to meet anyone as beautiful as that girl and in his mind the imagination of what could happen with her was the only thing that had kept that stupid crush of his alive.

But you, here and now, was a completely different story. It had finally stopped being just an imagination. It still was a need, but now he knew it could be satisfied. All he had to do was not act like the asshole he was labeled as.

Not that he'd manage to do that.

His offensive and cold behavior would probably hurt you and you'd try to distant yourself from him which would cause him to become that needy mess he was before last night happened.

Wait? How could just a night change so much? It didn't, right?

He shook his head off his thoughts and went to pull his car at his parking spot. His class was the last you had for today, but he was positive that you wouldn't show up today. He'd never been in such a situation before and he didn't know if you'd need time to think or not.

But no... apparently you didn't. 

There you were in your usual place on the back, with a heart warming smile on your face. 

_Just like the one on Christmas night._

For some reason there was no doubt that you hadn't regretted the previous night. Maybe it was in the look you gave him at the moment, or maybe in the way your cheeks blushed the moment he set his gaze at you. Either way _Levi knew himself_ , he wouldn't be able to hold back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw I wanted to say I love you people who comment on this story


	8. Chapter 8

It was rather enjoyable. After every one of your private fine arts tutoring with Levi, ended up in passionate, intimate sex. The both of you had decuded that there were no labels for the time being, because simply you didn't know what you wanted from each other.

However there was something _magical_ in laying next to Levi, stark naked. Every time he'd run his fingers soothingly on your naked form. Levi never seemed to mind to lay naked around you.

Currently, he was sitting on his couch, exhausted from having taken you on as many furniture he could, while you laid right next to him, with your hands and head resting on his thigh. You'd occasionally plant kisses at every part of his skin your lips touched.

"I'm so cold"

"Naturally, you're naked you brat." Levi remarked. Quickly, you purred at him as you rubbed your head on his thigh and brought your knees close to your chest.

"Tch"

"Just a blanket, pleeease" You could practically feel Levi's orbs burning holes in your form as you whined like a little child. It always passed as something unspoken, but Levi was damn aware of how cold you got, and would always take care of it. Most of the times he'd be the one to wrap you up really good in a pair of fluffy blankets after just having taken you in his arms. Sleeping with Levi had become an addictining routine by now; you'd find it strange not having him by your side or being away from his embrace.

Levi sighed and brought his fingers to the tip of his nose, slightly pinching it. There was no way he'd say no to you and mentally he cursed himself for creating that sweet tooth for you you were his biggest soft spot. He didn't care if you whined or acted cold like him. All he knew was that if he ever denied anything to you, or acted as the stubborn ass he was towards you, then guilt and worry would rush over him. He didn't want you gone from his side. 

He felt as if he was obsessed.

Obsessed with your being, your company, your whole existence. 

In the blink of an eye he had gotten up from the couch and swept you off of it. For a minute you decided against it. All he ever watched on the was a show and this was his night. It felt horrible to know that he indulged in your cat behavior instead of stepping his foot to make you shut your mouth. 

"You said you're cold you brat, now shut up" He had seemed to be ignoring your pleads to go back to the couch to watch his show, but seing he cared so much about you, you decided not to speak more of it.

The ravenette pulled the comforter down and threw you on the bed moments before he slid in the bed himself. Warmness immediately rushed through your whole being as he pulled the sheets and the blankets up. He reluctantly switched his bedroom TV on and searched through the channels for the one that hosted his show, all the while his hand came from underneath of you to pull you closer to him.

"I want to believe it's warm enough for you right, (Y/n)"

 

"Hmmm" you purred "so warm"

"Now shut the fuck up" Levi snapped then with a sharp tone. What made you giggle though was that while he seemed to be spitting at you to shut up, his arms wrapped tighter around you in the most protective manner. 

"Uh huh"  
_____________

Levi's show was finished shortly after as you realised in your half asleep state. He snuggled against you in search of a more comfortable position for the two of you. He mumbled something, that you couldn't totally understand so you decided to answer with a moan.

 

"Mhm? Is that a yes?" 

"Ughhh let me sleep, Reiner's got me in the early swift tomorrow" you pleaded with him although it didn't really seem to stop him from talking to you. Unable to focus in his words though you let slumber engulf you.

It didn't take long for him to realise you were asleep in his arms. He immediately stopped talking. Levi felt that he had to savor all those precious moments you fell asleep in his arms. He knew very well that you'd be taken away from him in the most violent way. It was hard to admit that he was scared about it, though. That coward feeling in his guy prevented him from expressing what he felt for you. 

To him it was pretty obvious that you didn't want labels. He sincerely didn't care if you didnt feel the same and tried to get over that sick bastard you were previously with. All that mattered for Levi was that you were next to him after what he could merely call a dry season. He could never seem to be able to fall sleep and had became colder than ever.

It was almost unbelievable for him; you managed to get him to ease back to sleep once again. The black, saggy bags under his eyes had vanished, his skin looked more vibrant than it did before. He realised that it was probably because his body was reflecting the sparks of happiness that grew within him. It felt so good to have someone to take care of. It had spawned a seed of excitement in his gut.

 

His whole world would light up when you were beside him, although he'd never admit. Behind that stoic façade of his, was a happy face, a tired and very happy face. He slept so peacefully knowing that he had you in his arms, knowing that he could _protect_ you.

 

As he slowly played with your (h/c) hair -that fell so slightly on your forehead- he thought about Erwin and your father. Maybe everyone he ever knew. He'd try to imagine their reactions in case he ever decided that you should be open about this strange relationship of yours. It'd be so wrong for his employees to learn about your involvement because they'd think you got hired in their company by favouritism. In Levi's eyes you were superior to almost everyone who worked in the same level he did, so giving them the right to see you as someone less, disgusted him.

 

What itched him more though was that he had to ask you the same thing he did a while ago, in the morning. It took him all his gut to finally utter the words he'd been thinking of a while and maybe your inability to listen them was a sign from above. He wasn't the romantic type, so why would he ever want to ask something like that.  
________________

"He asked me out for lunch on Tuesday" your lower lip trembled a bit as you conversed about the invitation Levi did you this very morning. Sasha seemed to glow with excitement as she heard you speak about it 

 

"This Tuesday?" Asked Reiner, who had just emerged from the kitchen, carrying Sasha's order. The brunette didnt seem to want you to answer though as she decided to take the matter into her own hands, only to state the obvious.

"Uh huh, on Valentine's day! Isn't it romantic Reiner?" She said and eyes the chocolate muffins with what most people could call lust. It made you laugh a bit, her one true love was food and only food and therefore her, you and Mikasa had arranged to celebrate Valentine's day together so you could eat from daylight to nighttime.

"Sasha, we're just going for lunch there's nothing romantic about it!" 

"Why are you blushing then, sweet cheeks?" Reiner remarked with what you could say the biggest smirk on his face. In he knew you so well. You were hanging out with him ever since high school. Long enough for him to even have a color palette for all the times of your blushing.

"Whatever, I'm not"

"YOU ARE" Sasha screamed as she chewed on her muffins with all her might. You were brave enough to grab one of them to eat. Better have your mouth full than utter a mess of words that would give away whatever you felt for Levi.

"Oiii quit bullying her you too" your head suddenly grazed at Marco's direction as he exited the bathroom and walked towards the table you were all sitting. 

It was so early in the morning for customers to fill the usually busy café, so you and Reiner had as much time as you wanted to spend with your friends. Usually Sasha and Marco would be there from really early as well. Sasha mostly wanted to eat what was fresh out of the oven and Marco just wanted company and a strong coffee before he had to take the bus for his university. Connie would stick along as long as he wasn't working late night swifts at the pub that employed him. 

 

"Thanks Marco!" You mumbled while chewing your muffin. 

"Marco we weren't bullying her!" Sasha started "she was telling us that Levi finally asked her out"

Marco's face lit up at the hearing of Sasha's statement. Him and you had finally sorted out everything that was tense between you and things had gone back to normal. He was indeed really supportive of yours and Levi's sort of relationship and helped you the best he could with advice.

"Well are you going?"

A smile made its sweet appearance on your face, making you ignore everything else around you. You didn't see Reiner's frown, the emptiness that the pity he felt for his self had created as he heard you talk about the older man. You didn't care about Sasha eating without even having the patience to chew in her food. You only cared about answering to Marco with all your pride.

" _Yes_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's so much drama coming up just wait and see


	9. Chapter 9

"Mrs Kirstein!"

"Ah (Y/n), how are you my child?"

"Good, uhm... I'm shopping and Levi and I are heading for lunch"

"Levi? Excuse me sweetheart but does Jean know you're out in the streets with this man?"

"No" your head hung low. The brunette woman seemed to be taken aback by your answer, offended even. You figured Jean still hadn't informed her about what was going on. You felt it was an obligation for you to open up her eyes, to let her know what Jean was to. "Mrs Kirstein i can't to you about this anymore... I... your son and I broke up almost five months ago. I can't believe Jean is still lying to you about this"

A look of disappointment and maybe what you'd call disbelief appeared on her face. You could guess what she was about to say on the spot and it'd only made you feel more guilty about not begging Jean to stay more than you had.

"You know he's a problem child, sweetheart, you promised to help him sort it out"

"Mrs Kirstein i know, I just..."

"Why did he even call to ask me about my promise ring if he's not with you?"

Her face look even more worried than before. A thousands of questions run through her mind so very obviously. _Where is my son and what's he's gotten into? Is he okay? Does he have anyone by his side?_

She profoundly apologized the moment she realised her system had caused a tear to spill from your eyes. You didn't want to utter this. Maybe it was better for her to have been living in this lie for so long, she was protected from being hurt, the opposite of you. But she deserved the truth. Jean's parents -especially his mother- were two of the most amazing people the world. They had stood there for you when none had. Having to grow distant with the Kirsteins hurt you deeply. It was as if someone had tore your family away from you once again.

"Jean has a new girlfriend. Maybe it's for her" you choked on your own words as more tears threatened to spill from your eyes. "Now please Mrs Kirstein, if you may excuse me I have to go to my friend" she only seemed to nod in understatement of your cracking face. She knew you too well and she probably could sense that talking about Jean made you so depressed that she had to drop the subject. She couldn't blame you for wanting to start a new life, away from her son.

The woman knew that her son was so arrogant and insensitive from time to time and bound to hurt the ones that cared about him. But you... you had always been something different for Jean. Something he would always cherish and he'd told her himself that he'd rather die than be the one to hurt you in any way. It surprised her; what her son ha felt and done to step on his promises and forget about them. This wasn't the way she and her husband had brought him up. What took her son so far away from her? What made her son hurt the only thing he never wanted to?

____________

 

"You're sure you're fine?" In any other case Levi's concern for you would have made you giggle and blush all over him. His eyes shone in adoration and deep affection as he looked at your upset form and the tears of uneasiness that had gathered in your eyes. He hated seing you spilling tears for anything else than pleasure.

"I'm fine, it's just so hard to always have someone to tell you that they don't love you and that they're leaving you" you sniffled. A delicate hand reached out to cup your cheek, to eipe the tear that had just slipped. "I uhm... I just want someone to stay for a change... I don't need to be reminded I'm so unworthy and unable of keeping the ones I love beside me."

"You're not unworthy of anything, you're just a brat"

A little giggle escaped your mouth this time. Levi's face lit up as he looked at you smiling, despite your eyes being so puffy from crying until a second ago. Once again there was the feeling that gathered in his gut, that begged him to tell you how much he adored you to lift this weight off of it.

"The assholes that don't love you can fuck themselves, right? You're better than this. Trust me you're so much better than this. And if someone hurts you like that again I'm going to make sure they're never going to be able to take a shit on their own, ever again!"

Laughter emerged from the depths of your chest as you heard Levi speak. He always enjoyed these poor poop jokes of his and maybe that must have been the best so far. He didn't seem to laugh like you, but a slight smile had crept it's way up his features as he watched your face. He loved being able to see all the emotions had could go through your face during a day. Sadness and happiness, pleasure and pain. Every time you laughed at something he said, he felt as if the whole world was his, every time he brought you blissful pleasure he wanted to climb to the top of the world and scream your name.

He had never felt afraid to die before, but now, there it was, the fear of existence or rather the fear of the stop of his existence. He didnt know what he would be doing somewhere where he wouldn't be able to be with you, to feel his heart explode in his chest every time your breath was aligned with his. He cursed and screamed on the inside for not being able to clearly express those feelings. Why couldn't just he expose himself at you for once. It would only hurt more if he never got the chance to tell you all the things you made him feel.

His hands pulled you closer to him over the other side of the table. He had to claim your lips, to give you a hint that you weren't unloved. You had _him_. Slowly, his lips moved on yours, cleansed by every lustful emotion. 

Truth be told- If you didn't know Levi better, you'd say he was in love with you. The way he kissed you, so soflty and affectionate as if you truly was his mate and not someone to keep him company in the cold nights.

Your lips parted with the very audible sound of a pop. Levi's eyes never left yours as his hands dropped from your face and onto your own delicate palms. He held them tight, as if he didn't want to let them go; to let _you_ go. You felt grateful for that, it made you feel that for the time being he wasn't going anywhere.

"Well, let's just change the subject okay?"  Levi cleared his throat.

"Yeah... uhm.. Sasha booked us tickets for Spring break and she left me no choice but to say yes, so I guess we're not going to that place you wanted us to" a couple of faint sniffles were audible all the while you spoke as you tried to gather yourself together. You watched as Levi's face dropped a little. He had planned on getting some days off during spring break to spend them with you on a very quiet and private place. Itd be such a good chance for him to finally open up.

It hurt a little he supposed. Being announced you didn't want to spend few these days with him made him feel like you were trying to give him a cold shoulder. Without even noticing his hands withdrew from yours and a rather colder than ever expression covered his stoic face.

"Fine"

You sighed at his sharp answer. It was so obvious you had gotten him mad by that, but he wouldn't understand why you wanted to go to this vacation trip. You wanted to get away, from the cold and the severe snowfalls of Trost, to experience something different and out of the so well known to you waters. Plus you'd get to be with your whole crew. Itd be so nice for everyone to finally have a break and get together again.

Earlier in the day Sasha had announced you that Jean would tag along too, much to your dismay. Connie and Marco refused to even come if Jean wasnt either. And as she also told you, Armin was of the same opinion. They had all missed their brunet friend. It was probably unavoidable that the two of you would have to breathe the same air for once again in your lives, and instead of holding your breath and whine, you decided to take a step back, not tell this to Levi, and respect your friends. Sasha was really glad to hear that and on return she assured you that his new girlfriend wouldn't even step her foot at the airport because Connie and Marco had stepped their feet in opposite of this, to show that they respected your well being too.

"We'll be going to Miami, Sasha's uncle owns a five star hotel there and offered us free accommodation" you half smiled, even though your eyes were still red and puffy. Maybe a smile would surprisingly help you throw Levi's disappointment out of the window.

"Yeah" he scoffed "better not miss the chance, huh?"

"Oh Levi don't be like that! I swear that I'll call you immediately if someone tries to hurt me oka-"

"Who am I? Your personal bodyguard or some husband of yours? It's not like I'll bother getting on a plane just because you'll drink your ass, cause you don't even acknowledge your low tolerance. Tch, get over yourself" 

_Congratulations, that was way too harsh you bastard._

Guilt rushed all over both your bodies as silence fell onto you like a heavy, dark blanket. On one hand you had tried to make a joke to lighten up the mood and on the other Levi had snapped at you so bad like you had managed to physically hurt him. Did you really hurt his feelings so bad that he had to act like that? This was him getting offensive and you knew it. He wanted to protect himself from being hurt more at the very moment, by hurting you. By making you feel what he felt. Sorrow and sadness.

Was it really hard for you to understand him though? Why did he have to speak up about his feeling towards you in the first place. He thought that he had probably made it pretty obvious that when he had asked you to spend a few days with him and only him by your side. Acting all cold was all he could do to prevent any feeling of sorrow escaping his body in any form. He didn't want to be cold with you thought. Guilt burned and coiled his insides at the thought of him being the one to potentially hurt you. 

_____________________

 

"I saw Jean's mom today"

"Yeah whatever, just tell us how your date went with Levi" Sasha squealed and made a little jump on her spot in the couch. On the other hand Mikasa's eyes widened, body freezing on the very spot. She wasn't really updated with whatever was going on between you and her cousin. Maybe hearing this had her really shook.

"No Sasha, I'm sure Mikasa wants to hear about what Jean's mom told me"

"No... I actually want to hear about Levi, and how his foot is not stuck in your ass."

"Well uhm" you trailed off and paused, taking time to sip some of your hot chocolate. "He asked me to go out with him for lunch" Mikasa seemed even more taken aback by that statement, which got you really worked up fot her upcoming reply.

"I thought you guys had a one night stand"

"WHOAH MIKASA YOU'VE LOST SO MANY EPISODES OF THIS SHOW" Sasha yelled in Mikasa's ear as she proceeded to shook the ravenette's shoulders vigorously. If you weren't sure before, this was the moment that your suspicions about Sasha inserting alcohol in her hit chocolate were actually true.

"Levi and I have been sleeping together for more than a month now."

"So you're dating? -Sasha get the fuck off of me, I'm trying to listen"

"No..." you exhaled. "Truth be told, he hasn't said were anything yet. All I know is that he's already made a key to my apartment and barges in, to cage me in his arms. Its not like were having sex all the time"

"LIAR! I WALKED IN ON THEM ONCE! I EVEN HAVE A PICTURE. THEY WERE GOING AT IT IN THE FREAKING KITCHEN!" Sasha profoundly exclaimed and put her phone out to search for the aforementioned picture.

Truly it had been a really bad experience for you -and Levi maybe-, and it only taught you to never hide the spear key to your apartment anywhere Sasha or anybody would find it. Levi almost kicked her ass for having the audacity to take her phone out and capture the picture before her very eyes, but she was too fast to get away, and Levi too naked to run after her.

In other words _it was hilarious._

"Yeah, but he cleaned afterwards. And we're not doing it in his kitchen because unlike me he has some self control."

Mikasa looked between you and Sasha as you conversed about the places you and levi would have sex. She felt as if she should close her ear with her hands and crawl into a corner to vomit, but she had yet to ask a very good question.

"Whatever Sasha, you know what? You're always saying Connie passes out after sex and by the way congratulations on finally getting laid, but you know what Levi does? He pets my hair and kisses me all the time, wherever his lips can reach! Ha! How's that miss I need affection?"

"Can I speak now?" Your and Sasha's gazes immediately turned to Mikasa's direction. Her voice was steady and uneasy at the same time as she barely uttered the words in a dark tone. Once silence was ensured she opened her mouth and waited for words to come out flooding.

"Levi, doesn't do these things."

At this you cocked your head to the side. "What things?"

"He doesn't cuddle, he doesn't let people go with a picture of him having sex with someone because that someone asked him not to. He doesn't like sleeping with other and he certainly hates showering people with kisses or vice versa." 

"B-but-"

"Levi likes to have sex. And never with people who are like a decade younger than him. What's gotten into you (Y/n)? Why didn't you stop at that very first night?"

Mikasa was damn right. Though had you not known all these things you would still fall for everything Levi has done with you.

Wait? Fall? Fall? Fall as if: falling in love?

 

Oh Mikasa was going to nail you to death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoah.. this was a horrible chapter actually...  
> :( I'm sorry next one will be better


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter contains sexual content. Basically my attempt to write about smut after so long...

_Oh no._

_Hell to the no._

_You weren't going through the shit right now..._

_The fuck you weren't._

She was just as you had imagined her to be. Silky straight black hair and plump lips. A button nose, barely visible from afar and the most beautiful almond shaped eyed. Golden hues that shone brighter than the most expensive golden ring. Breasts definitely fuller than yours and a butt definitely treated with many more squats than yours ever had.

It was unfair.

Even her name was so perfect as if it was a freaking princess.

Pffft you'd never call your daughter like that.

_(Random name you don't like here) who names their kid like that, huh?_

_Wait, am I ever going to have a kid?_

What amused you was that she pronounced her name like the princess she thought she was. She probably was unaware of your behavior. Maybe Jean hadn't really talked to her about you. 

_Noooooo don't think about this now_

"Look sweetheart we're not Starbucks. I don't care what your name is."

She seemed to be really taken aback by your words and cocked her head to the side like a dog. Well you had to admit she was cute. And prettier that you'd ever be but that thought had to be burried within you until you reached home. There you could cry your eyes out.

"Well uhm, I'd just like a hot chocolate with marsh-"

"It's not Christmas raven hair!" You rudely interrupted. Why, hadn't Levi's company turned you into the bestest comeback monster?

"It's so offensive calling people names because of their hair! Anyway I'd like a hot chocolate and a special latte"

___________________

"I'll burst through that fucking door if you don't stop sobbing (Y/n)" Levi's practically barked at you as his hand banged loudly on the locked bathroom door of your apartment.

That's how it had been for possibly half an hour now. Levi, who had decided to visit you -always using the spare key he had made for himself- found you crying in the bathroom with no intention to open the door. He sounded so angry and so frustrated by your sobs that the thought of him bursting in made you feel afraid that he'd possibly hurt you.

"If I open.." a muffled sob escaped your chapped lips in your effort to speak upon your fear. "Promise me you won't hurt me"

Levi's hurt throbbed at that. This was so stupid and so childish and he was so, _so_ angry that he had to fall for every little thing you did. He was so mad with himself for indulging in this. Therefore he decided to him in response.

Nevertheless, all of his anger was gone that moment he saw your figure popping form behind that beige colored door. Your eyes, swollen red; puffy from all the crying and your chapped lips, the color was drained form your face. He was pretty sure this vulnerable state if yours was so arousing that it made his insides coil and his pants to suddenly tighten.

He had to pass through this though, as your arms suddenly came around him in the most desperate manner. Happily, he accepted your arms and proceeded to place his own arms around you; one on the small of your back to push you into him with much strength, and the other resting on top of your hair in the most comforting manner he could muster.

Earth wrecking sobs escaped your lips and a new wave of tears rushed through your whole body and came to stain Levi's white button up shirt. Every little tear burned on his skin and tortured him and he knew they'd torture him even more once he'd hear the reason of this condition of yours.

In a moment it was all gone. You had violently ripped your body from his, leaving him dumbfounded.

"What's-"

"All I want is for someone to finally _love me_. I don't want their lies. Why does nobody love me Levi? Do you have an answer for that, or you're just going to insult me, huh?"

Levi's eyes darkened at the spot. It didn't prevent you from continuing your nonsense though as fear was temporarily gone, bent before your need to speak up. Little did you know that Levi wanted to speak too, not caring if he had to force his words in your ears.

A hand shot out for your jaw which you quickly snapped away. "You let me talk Levi" you demanded, although the look on his face was far from stoic at the moment. It was shocked. Shocked that you had snapped his hand away and this time it frightened you to no end. His arms shot out once again, hands slamming on your shoulders and in moments, you were desperately pressed against him and the wall, body vigorously shaking from the intense hit.

" _I_ don't love you brat? After everything?"

"Love me? All we do is fuck and leave"

"Have I ever _fucking_ left you?" You were stunned into silence for awhile, trying your best to swift away from his strong hold. Your eyes looked away from his in an attempt to find something less intimidating to look at, and not the furious expression that adorned his otherwise delicate features.

The heat of his breathing that ghosted over you, making you aware of his presence, was unable to ignore. He stood so profoundly above you, just breathing, looking at a face that was turned away from him. And he couldn't accept that.

"You will look at me when I'm taking to you, you _bitch_!" Levi growled and finally grabbed your jaw, forcing you in the roughest way to look at him "Let down your hair. _Now_ " 

Obediently, you reached one hand behind your head and freed the (h/c) locks. Levi's eyes were locked on your movements, you felt that if you dared to disobey him he'd hurt you in the worst ways possible. This was the first time you were so afraid of him. Afraid of what he could to you, as this mischievous look was customizing his face.

Why had it made him snap so much. That was the truth in your eyes. You and Levi weren't anything official and he obviously didn't hold any kind of feelings for you, right?

He wished you knew his side of the story. How anger and desire to die you what you were for him had coiled in his stomach the moment you said he didn't love you. You were a brat, a greedy and unappreciative brat who didn't even consider his feelings.

You were dizzy from fear, unable to realise when Levi's had taken off half of your clothes.

"You wanna know what _fuck_ and _leave_ is? I'll show you" Levi hissed, but deep inside he knew he didn't want to do just that. He had no idea if he was trying to punish himself for being in love with you, or you for not loving him and not opening your eyes to see what he felt for you.

He harshly threw you on your bed planting his hands on either side of your head to  
steady himself. His expression suddenly changed as he locked his eyes with yours.

"Levi..." It came out as a whisper, a plea to him not to go rough on you, but you knew this was inedible. You had gotten him so furious that no plea was going to reach his ears. And it somehow excited you; this raw, carnal anger mixed with desire and fear made your stomach bubble. Levi's seemed even more dazzled than you were, lost in his own mind as he stared at you. 

Your body shook with shivers as his tongue  
pushed past your neck, as he rolled his hips into your own. He could feel himself getting harder than before, the room in his pants finally being inadequate for him. A low groan left his half part lips as he rubbed himself against your crotch once again, searching for some sort of relief from his groin. He wasn't able to control himself. He had to take you right then.

His hands came to work on his own clothes, practically ripping his shirt off and then quickly working on the belt of his pants. Sweat was already gathering on his forehead and his shoulder from the intensity of his desire.

You moaned loudly as his tongue came in contact with your neck and collarbone. His arms settled on the ends of your face and finally his tongue brushed over your lips in the most desperate manner.

The two of you stayed like that for a moment. Levi's rough kisses had made you forget you were even wearing pants. Your hips tilted on Levi's making him groan in pleasure by the sudden movement.

He took your pants off your legs in shift movements. Your legs were practically thrown to each side and wide open to him. He could tell you weren't that wet, but he didn't really care about it. If he had, he'd fuck you dry, just to prove his point.

Levi's hands were so rough once they set on your hips, they indicated hoe had he wanted to ram himself into you. His lips planted harsh kisses along your torso, suckling at wherever nakedness was evident. He had taken your bra off in no time and now he started kneading the sift flesh of your breasts with rough movements. He held you in place and began to thrust. He pulled his hips back and then thrusted  
forward once again, sinking his shaft into your heat.

His eyes were filled with fury, intimidating you so much that you turned your gaze away from his.

"Don't look away" he hissed and slammed himself harder inside you. "You're not allowed to look anywhere else but me"

You let out a loud mewl instead of an answer. You could feel him all the way  
through your vagina. Levi could sense that you were getting tighter and wetter as he hit every single spot he reminisced from previous time with you. He only groaned at the sudden increase of pleasure he was feeling.

He could feel his member twitching and throb inside your tightness; it felt as if you were pulling him to you with all your might, just like he was trying to slam into you in the roughest way. His hands were probably leaving bruises on your hips and he almost felt sorry about it.

You were a moaning mess by now. Levi was always enjoying to torture you, making you moan as loud as you could and this was no exception. His slamming was too much, too too much for you to take. It was overwhelming and unbearable at the same time. He should have given you time to become a little wet at least because until now you were in pain.

"I can't take it! Levi slow down" You yelped and gripped his shoulders in despair. "It hurts! Please stop"

As much as Levi would love to continue, the respect he held for your being didn't allow him to. He loved being rough with you, he found such and agonizing pleasure in it, but he thought it was horrible to force you to accommodate him when you weren't ready.

You groaned as he pulled out and immediately after you started panting.

"Sorry..." he seductively whispered in your ear sending a shiver throughout your whole body. "I'll take care of it" You yelped as Levi's lips kissed along your torso in a manner that begged to differ from his rough one. Setting his head between your open thighs, Levi took a bold lick of the folds that stood before his tongue. Once again a loud yelp came or of your mouth. 

For a moment you thought about being tamed and collected and try not to give in so easily, but you could never ignore what kind pleasure Levi's tongue was giving you. His eyes were locked into yours as his mouth started to work on your heat harder.

"N-no need t-t-to break you jaw... fuck" you tried your best to utter towards him and immediately thought it came out so inaudible. Levi's lips parted with your folds with a signed louder than your own attempt of speaking, or rather mewling. 

"I do what I want" his eyes looked at yours with a dark tone of determination as  his mouth find the folds of your vagina one again. After a few minutes of rough licking, his tongue decided to only with on your clit, hitting the little nub repeatedly. Your hands came to grip on his hair as more and more yelps and mewls left your throat. Levi's grip on your hips tightened as to keep them apart because he knew you were struggling. He enjoyed how your breath sharpened and mostly consisted of gasps. He lived how you sounded when overwhelmed by the swirling movements of his tongue on your sensitive bud.

"I'll- I'm about to-"

"That's it. Cum for me." Levi demanded and slammed your hips closer against his face. Good jaw was working so hard to keep your mouth open for so long that it hurt. Even his tongue somehow ached; he'd never licked anyone with such intensity and roughness before.

You felt your breath hitch in your throat and your eyes watering from the swirling feeling in your gut that was about to burst. Your legs stiffened in Levi's death grip, you weren't going to last any other second. 

Levi could hear how your breath was lacking of air. He was mesmerised by all the mewls and gasps you would let out, from how hard your grip was on his hair. Finally he decided that he should give an end to your torture and gave a hard suck on the hood of your clit. 

That did it for you. Your vision went blank and probably your lip blooded from the way you bit it but oh did you love every second of it. Levi let you ride your orgasm for as long as you needed to, since he knew that by now you were on cloud nine and every doubt of yours for earlier tonight had vanished.

Your hips backed up a bit on Levi's face for the last time just before he pulled away to look at you. The glistering fluids that had emitted from you were wiped off his jaw by the back of his hand.

Suddenly you were flipped over. In the haze of your high you couldn't realise hoe he had managed to flip you over in a matter if seconds, but your mind had mesmerised how rough he'd be when he wanted you on all fours.

"Head down" he instructed as he saw you lift you head and turn it towards his direction to see him. His voice wasn't so rough as before, you noticed, but he was definitely trying to make it harsh again. "Ass up" truthfully, this time his voice was a tone deeper and more demanding than before. Nevertheless it'd be inedible for you to understand that he wasn't really that angry, but fighting with himself on whether to tell you how he felt or not. All you could see, feel and listen was a Levi who didn't know if he wanted to be soft or rough with you.

Once again his hands grasped your hips firmly and lifted them to where it'd be comfortable for both him and you. He didn't waste any more second and entered you in the most desperate way. He let out an ear filling groan as his pelvis collided with your ass cheeks and slammed into you harder. He figured he shouldn't give you time to adjust, he just wanted to come so bad from the squeezed of your walls, that his movements could only match the animalistic feelings he was experiencing at the moment.

Sweat dripped from his forehead and torso onto your back as he thrusted and thrusted. The voices you'd let out only encouraged him to give you more, to violate you to the point he wanted to. In a movement he leaned down and stared sucking on the back of your neck. His right hand wasn't on your hip anymore it had snaked between your legs to find the bundle of nerves that rested between the apex of your thighs.

"Fuck yes... yes Levi!" You screamed and moaned as he started working fast and hard at your clit. The familiar knot on your lower abdomen started forming again as he fucked you with all his might. His breath was lessing in air too and you could feel it in the back of your throat.

Realising the position wasn't getting to him anymore he decided to roll you on your back again, never taking his member off of you so he could hear that high pitched scream you'd always make.

Immediately his mouth latched on your right nipple and sucked on it, all while still thrusting into you and rubbing your clit. You moaned his name at the new sensation, not long before he pulled away from it. He began to lick at your throat again, from the collarbone to the base of your ear.

He let out a high pitched scream himself as he felt your walls tighten around him and quickly bit the lobe of your ear to cover it. The coiling feeling in his gut started forming too as he thrusted again and again into your pulling heat. His chest collided with yours as he desperately attempted to come closer to you; to sandwich you between his body and the mattress. 

You figured he had probably done it on purpose because you felt as if you were going crazy from the feeling of your nipples rubbing against his chest. His skin was burning onto yours as his torso was practically stuck onto yours due to the sweat.

"Youre such an imbecile" he slowly whispered in your ear. " _I_ do. _I_ love you, you brat." 

Levi didn't know if you had heard him, because at that moment he felt your orgasm pour against his throbbing member with such intensity that he thought you had probably backed out for some seconds. Without even thinking he decided not to pull away form the so welcoming and tight heat and in turn he came inside you, filling you with whatever he had.

He stayed inside you for some more minutes, with his head collapsed on the crook of your neck.

"Are you... okay?" You asked breathlessly.

"Give... me... some time..." Your fingers shit out to the strands that had clinged on his forehead to push them away. It was only then you noticed that his eyes were gleaming with what seemed like tears of pleasure.

__________________

"I'm sorry I called you a bitch last night" The ravenette explained "I wasn't thinking"

You let out a sigh at him. He seemed so worn out as he ate his breakfast on your kitchen table, facing you. You mentally cursed yourself for wanting to go for another round of the blissful joyride he offered you last night, because it had obviously tired him.

Your mind was itching you to no end as you looked at him though. You didn't care that he had called you a bitch due to his anger, not thst he caused bruises, bitemarks and soreness to your whole body. You could only think about what he had said right in the moment you came around him.

_"I love you, you brat"_

Was it true or had he said it because he was about to come as well? If it was true did you have to say it back? Would he ask you to say it back?

You had lost your interest in your cereal by now. All you could do was stare at Levi's angelic facial features as he ate what you had made for him. You noticed as his pale lips puckered every time he'd take a sip of his hot black tea, but in contrast his eyes would soften in enjoyment. Your eyes slowly wandered in his jaw. Earlier he had confessed that last night it had indeed hurt while he was being intimate with eating you out, but as a matter of fact he made it clear to you that he had enjoyed it as my much as you. You wondered if it still hurt though. Your own jaw would hurt for two days at maximum when he'd decide that he wanted you to deep throat him, and therefore you didn't think it'd be shameful for him to say if he hurt. 

"I told you I'm fine, will you stop staring at jaw?"

His expression was softer than usual as he looked at you. "And eat your breakfast"

At this you giggled. "You sound like my father" and surprisingly Levi chuckled too. It was such a pure moment. His eyes were shining so bright once his whole face lit up for these two seconds, that it made you wonder why he'd never smile. He was so _beautiful_ when he smiled that it could bring tears in your eyes. Nevertheless as much as you would hate to break the beautiful expression off his face, you had to know.

"Levi... I uhm... don't know how to say this but... did you... you know, mean it?" It came out so seriously, without a single note of irony. You would never want to mock his feelings and he seemed to acknowledge that because he sighed, deeply, as if you had just taken a weight off his shoulders.

"I dont get used to saying things I don't mean... so yes. I think it's high time you know about this." Levi felt his heart throbbing so hard in his chest that he felt it would pop out in any second. He knew there was no going back to that, to him confirming he wasn't shitting when he said he loved you, but it had bottled up in his whole being for so long now. "I don't expect anything in return. I just want to keep seeing you."

You sighed once again as you looked at him, this was going to be a long ass conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this horrible? Probably.... but I guess I still wrote it... tell me what you guys think... maybe i shouldn't write smut for a while right, ughhhhh thsi was horrible I'm sorry.


	11. Chapter 11

"oh god why do you have bruises on your hips?" Sasha practically yelled the moment she entered the dressing room you were using. You were against buying a new swimsuit, but Sasha wouldn't let you live your life if you didn't. It was even worse that you had to show her how you looked in these swimsuits, as you didn't want to show her the bruises and the marks on your body that Levi had caused some nights ago.

"Sasha calm down please, Levi and I got a little violent in bed the other day"

Her eyes glimmered in excited at the hearing of this certain information. She loved being informed of whatever happened in your bed, and was never hesitant about letting you know what occured in hers. You knew that Connie wasn't as kinky and rough as Levi was from her stories and whatever happened with you an Levi made her go crazy.

"Ugh next time he's going to break them, this is so exciting!"

"Sasha!" You squelched. "I don't want to break my hips during sex, okay?"

"Whatever" you huffed "let's buy this one"

____________

Jeans girlfriend didn't come to the airport and nor did Levi. You figured out sasha had arranged that the two of you would sit right next to each other, but you honestly didn't mind. Jean was so easy to converse with for some reason.

"Well" Jean's smirk was plastered on his face like a child's smile on Christmas day. "Seems like someone set this up, right?" 

You couldn't help but laugh at that as you nodded. Jean willingly offered to put your bags right next to his to where they should be put, before he sat down. Letting out a hiss, he placed his hands in top of his knees and smiled again.

"I'm sorry I was so harsh, and uhm... my girlfriend... don't mind her, she's kind of mean and i apologize if she hurt you with her words the other day." His amber eyes were sincere and apologetic as he looked at you; one of his hands was now securely on top of yours.

You couldn't find the power to hate it though. When he left you you could never imagine him touching you again, having his skin in yours.

"No.. it's totally fine. Don't worry about me" you shook your head in an attempt to shove the thoughts of Jean touching you away. You knew this didn't mean anything, so why would you even keep thinking about it?

"Look, she's mean to me too, actually, I'm thinking waving her goodbye really soon" except for a sigh, he fell silent after that. Knowing he probably had reminded you if that fateful day, he mentally cursed himself and took his hand away.

"Aw don't break her heart, Jean"

Both yours and Jean's eyes widened at the statement. You weren't expecting it'd come out so ironically, in a tone that made Jean feel he indeed had hurt you, even though he never thought it'd hurt so much.

"Hey, I'm sorry!" He hissed.

"I'm not crying over spilled milk" well, he sure as hell wasn't so in Levi's immortal words 'you shouldn't put yourself through this'. 

Jean looked around nervously, trying his best not to have his eyes set on you for so long. He knew that he should probably not speak for a long time, because you didn't seem to willing to actually let your guard down around him and to be honest it was his fault and he could never blame you. But for some reason he didn't want to keeo his mouth shut.

"So how's Neeya?"

Your head turned to him at the sudden mention of your dog's name. You had been convinced he never wanted to talk about the dog again ever since you had to take her to your father's because Jean and you couldn't afford to have her anymore.

________________

_"I think we should get a puppy"_

_Jean and you were practically clinged onto each other to warm up, as you walked through the snowy streets that would lead to your shared apartment. His words hit you like a truck at instant. He knew you actually loved all kinds of animals and that you had had a numerous of pets back in the day, when you lived in your suburban house. But he only had a puppy he had found on the street that his father threw away as soon as his son proved to be irresponsible to take care of a living being._

_"Well, are you sure?"_

_"Yes! I want a puppy and our landlord allows it." he half smiled at you, but decided not to ruffle your hair at the very moment, since he felt that if his hand got out of his coat, it'd freeze off and fall._

_"Do you have the money for a pup?"_

_"Didn't you say your father's Rottweiler breed lately?"_

_You took a moment to remember saying the exact words to Jean, before you nodded. Well, since your father owned the male dog, there was a chance you could get a puppy for free. As if Jean would ever give that much money for an animal._

**

_In two weeks time, your father had arranged everything. You would only drive to your house and pick up the small puppy along with every little thing that you'd need to take care of it._

_From the moment he saw the little pup, Jean decided it should be named Neeya, saying it fit her so much. Truthfully the pup was ecstatic about him ever since she laid eyes on him._

_"I'm going to have a bath, so please make sure you feel her, we took her a little too salty from her mommy and she needs to be fed with bottle milk so I trust you with this. It's like feeding a baby"._

_Jean stared at you in wonder. You talked as if he had been doing this all his life, when in reality all he's ever done to a baby is make a stupid face to make it laugh. How were you so sure he'd ever fed a baby that he'd be able to feed the little dog._

_But no Jean you wanted this, you'll have to take care of it._

_Jean eyes glimmered from the cuteness of the little puppy. She was so small and huggable, unlike how she was going to be when she grew up. She was totally black with tuffs of dark brown the above her eyes and on her belly, and also a little bit on her paws. Hew paw were too big. Probably bigger than what he'd seen on any other puppy, but it was due to that she'd be very big when she'd grow up._

**

_Jeans eyes shot open from a loud thud. Worry rushed through his whole being as he stared into the darkness of the room. Checking to his side, he saw you sleeping peacefully and with a sigh of relief he got up. He carefully took the bat he kept right next to his side of the bed and soundlessly exited the room._

_Another sound filled his ears, this time of glass breaking. At the moment he knew that it was either him who would get it bad, or the person who had broken into your apartment. Slowly, he opened the door that led to the living room and stormed inside. Not seing anyone there, he tightened his grip on his bat._

_His eyes widened though as he wandered into the room. There on the edge of the couch was the little puppy, who furiously tried to get up. As he looked around more profoundly, he noticed the distraction the little animal had caused. There was a torn pillow and it's contents on the armchair, a rather botched mop laying in pieces on every inch of the living room. With a look at the pile of broken glass, he immediately figured the puppy had broken one of his mother's vases too._

_"Fuck no"_

_The puppy run to his feet the moment she saw him, all the while howling. Again, he swore under his breath because he knew this would have woke you up by now. Nevertheless he bowed down, to the level of the small creature. He avoided contact, because he was so bored to go wash his hands right after_

_"How can someone as little as you be so troublesome?" He sighed "(Y/n) is going to kill me for the mess"_

_The puppy tilted her head as she looked at him, before storming off to somewhere else that she thought was more interesting._

_Jean yelped the moment he saw the puppy enter your shared bedroom. He quickly run after it, cursing for his life under his breath, but it was too late. The puppy was already in bed, and had laid right next your face, already licking your cheek._

_______________

Jean always knew better than to wake you up. At the moment it didn't really matter that you'd been away from each other for almost six months. Sure it'd be weird if anyone on their group cared to actually comment on this, but Jean didnt really care about that. 

He was always tense when he had to fly to a place, but for some reason, he felt decent now, as he counted your breaths and watched your chest rise and fall. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't missed you, he realized. There was this strong connection you have with someone when you've been them for so many years. He was sure you had missed his presence in your everyday life as well, for he couldn't be the only one to.

He had missed waking up to you and having to cook you breakfast when you were out of your damn cereal and had certainly missed being forced to buy you pads and tampons. His new girlfriend was way more independent than you ever were and he hated it. He hated feeling unneeded and unnecessary. He had obviously scolded away the feeling of needing you back, though. You were for sure going to reject him at the moment because he knew you were still hurt.

He had forbid himself to show any kind of facial reaction to what he was reading though. Even if his head hurt from everything, he knew he was right when he had tried to persuade Marco to tell him more about you and Levi.

Who the hell was Levi to tell you to take care and come back safe to him, anyway?

"Uhm... is that (Y/n)'s phone?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's all cry tears of joy for the official announcement of season 3...
> 
>  
> 
> Also! Thanks so much for your comments and kudos!! Whenever I see them, or see that one more person has bookmarked my story i feel so motivated to keep writing, so thank you so so much for your love.

"No dumbass, (y/n) and I have the same phones remember?" Jean quirked his eyebrows to the bulky blond who stood next to him. "At least I was enthusiastic about this back then..." he then turned his head to your side and rubbed his cheek at the top of your hair.

Reiner quirked his eyebrows in turn. "You almost had for a second, and unless you're calling Levi _that,_ I suggest you put her phone where it was before I break your face"

"Reiner, man, why so much hate?" Jean couldn't help but feel a little intimidated by his friend's previous statement. He knew damn well the blond wasn't joking but his mind couldn't possibly think of any other excuse to cover for himself.

At this Reiner started poking your arm, casing Jean to flinch and start yelling at him. Reiner knew that with poking, you wouldn't really budge because you were probably sleeping really deep at the moment, but he was determined to make Jean regret for his actions.

"You've hurt her enough, and from what I'm seeing you're trying to take advantage of her right now."

"Gahhhh fucking hell, stop poking her she'll wake up!"

"That's what I'm trying to do"

"Sir" both Reiner's and Jean's heads turned to the owner of the voice, who stared at them  with the kindest look she could muster, although it was obvious she hadn't had any sleep for so long. "Could you please be as kind as to sit on your seat? There's just a little more to the flight, plus it is not kind to bother the couple"

Her blue suit was a little too loose around her body and there were bugs under her eyes. Her blonde curls seemed to have loosen up too, yet still she was here, kind as ever, trying her best to calm a fucking douche who decided to start yelling and poking other people who were attending the flight. And Reiner could respect her. He knew very well that he was indeed being seen as a douchebag to other people, and he'd sincerely listen to the steward, once he'd make sure Jean understood his point.

"Couple?" The blond chuckled. "He's been checking on her text messages"

The woman seemed to blink to Reiner's angered statement, taking a good look at the scene before her.

"Sir, please, they seem pretty close to me, we'll be landing soon so please sit on your place and fasten your seatbelt" she pleaded with him once again, making Reiner sigh and go back to his original seat.

Jean quickly closed your phone and put it between your thighs; just were it was before he had decided to take it and use the fact that you hated having your phone locked to his advantage.

Once again he rested his cheek at the top of your hair and sighed, pulling you even closer to his side and closing his eyes. He had no idea what he was going to say if you'd wake up in that moment and saw the situation you were in. He'd probably get slapped -and he'd deserve it nonetheless- but for him there wasn't any other way to show you that he had regret his actions than physical contact.

"Mhh, Levi" 

It didn't matter to him that you had said it under your breath, it hurt him that this wasn't his name and that you thought the chest your head was rubbing on was Levi's. It made his chest sting and his eyes burn and he sincerely wanted to take advantage of that for a little longer, but he knew, if he couldn't make you smile and call his name in your sleep as Jean, he wouldn't pretend to be Levi to do it.

______________

Nevertheless Jean felt as if he'd jump on you while you explained the current situation to Levi on the phone.

From what Connie had told him, you and Levi weren't in the best of terms at the very moment, but the way Levi was yelling at you and your way of yelling back was making Jean want to explode.

A series of 'no Levi, no one is going to rape me', 'I'm trying to prove to my friend as as good as she is and let her have sex with her boyfriend' along with 'no, Mikasa wants to sleep with Eren' and lastly 'no, I swear Jean's hands won't even come close to my personal space' were making Jean's head heavy and stomach coil with anger. Levi should have never even taken his place from the start.

His blood boiled, his gut took turns and he couldn't even try to control whatever he felt. All he wanted, all he needed was to prove to everyone that it was a mistake of his to say he didn't love you anymore. For God's sake, if he could, he'd crawl his way to the top of the world to scream he was a liar and a hypocrite and that he only cared about himself most of the time. He could only see what'd be good for him and he'd never appreciate the things he had. He wanted to rip his heart out of his chest to finally stop it from burning so much behind its skeleton cage and slam his head onto a wall.

Yes he might have liked two or three women with shiny black hair, but he felt like a fool when he realised that none if them could replace you. He even felt guilty for that time he had tried to persuade you to dye your hair black so he'd see how you'd look like that. All he knew was that whether your hair was black or blonde or red or whatever color you had decided to due them in those years you two were dating, all he really cared about was you being by his side.

He wanted you for himself. He wanted you to be happy with him, he wanted to be the only one who's make you happy or sad or so mad that you'd want to rip your hair off you head, because he could only feel these things with you and only you. And if anyone called him an egoist for that, for wanting you by him only for his heart's satisfaction then he damn well was.

 

_____________

 

It was all too painful for him to watch as you laughed your ass off with Eren at the club Sasha had taken you. 

After taking a couple of shots, he shook his head as if the movement itself would take away all the burning if the alcohol in his throat and started walking towards you.

"YEEEHA YO JEAAAAAAN DRINK WITH ME AND EREN" You yelled at the sight of him and by the time Eren yelled as well Jean knew you and the brunet were way too drunk. Your hands wrapped around Jean's neck and his amber eyes widened at the feeling. At instant he tried to push you away, although he knew damn well you wouldn't budge until he at least tried some of what you were drinking -that was currently being forced through his lips by one of your hands.

"IT'S SO GOOD YOU GOTTA TRY, COME ON" you giggled with a tone of desperation for Jean to try your drink. 

"Fine, fine" he laughed and took a hold of you glass as well. He really wouldn't be able to stand the pout on your face and your red cheeks if he didn't do as he was told. 

By taking a sip he almost choked, the taste was strong and yet he could still taste some Coke in it.

"Fuck, how many times have I told you not to drink such strong stuff, huh?" You burst into laughter again as you looked at him. You didn't understand why, but in your buzzing head it seemed right to wrap your hands righter around Jean's neck and bring him closer to you 

Your eyes were burning and somewhere along the lines you understood why Jean had told you on multiple occasions that you shouldn't drink strong things, but now your heavy head could only blame it on his absence in your life.

It was almost impossible not to feel or realise how close you were to Jean; so close that your lips brushed on each other's 

"But it's your fault you know, you left me and..."

Jean could not possibly try ignore the tightening feelings in his gut that made him not want to resist the urge to slam his lips into yours. The loud music and the drinks were already getting to him and increasing the buzzing in his own head.

It all went down from when he decided he's had enough and finally closed the distance between the two of you.


	13. Chapter 13

"gahhh I'm such an ass" Jean muttered under his breath and desperately buried his head between his sweaty palms.

He felt guilt quickly starting to bottle up in his gut at the sight of you right under him in the darkness of the hotel room. His gut really felt as if it'd burst any second now; he hated infidelity and was about to commit this heinous sin. What was worst is that he knew he'd never regret it later.

He should have never taken you back on his own, when he knew that you wouldn't remember anything in the morning and he shouldn't have even set a hand on you. He knew that there wasn't any respect by him for the person he was with at the moment to stop him, but what did was his respect for you.

He didn't want you to have any problems with Levi or for your gut to be burning with guilt once you figured what him and you would have done. No, it only made him feel worse.

His hands were sticking on his forehead and multiple pants were escaping his lips. He wouldn't feel this guilty, he figured, if he put you in your bed and let you sleep as peaceful as you wanted. You'd probably have a throbbing head in the morning, but he'd better deal with this and not with whatever Levi would do to you.

_________________

"We're so many, Sasha. We always go on vacation like we're the fucking Kardashians"

"Well if you cant be them, at least be like them" Sasha's infamous cheshire grin decorated her face as she spoke about the Kardashian family. Everyone knew how obsessed she was with them and her desperation to be one of them caused her to make her own saying.

In the meanwhile, you refused to leave the pool if all your friends were present, since you realised your swimsuit was much more revealing that you needed it to be. And thinking about it, it was Sasha who forced you to buy this piece and you weren't even paying attention to what options she had given you.

And oh you knew she had everything planned in her little filthy head.

"So Jean is Scott" she called and glared at you before she set her shade covered eyes on the male.

"Eh?" 

"I said you're Scott" she repeated loud and clear for everyone to hear. Jean's shoulder shrugged ad he looked at his brunette friend. Sasha's eyes were glimmering underneath her shades, her pun already at the tip of her tongue. Seeing that her plan would fail though as Jean got up from his chair , she elbowed Connie as hard as she could.

"I wanted to be Scott" Connie spoke.

"Ah no Con, you can't because (y/n) is Kourtney." Sasha grinned mischievously and with one look at her you knew where this was heading. You sighed loudly, begging that Connie wouldn't keep talking so Sasha wouldn't have to say what she was about to.

"So what?" Connie gasped as Sasha elbowed him again. "You're such an abusive girlfriend" he muttered under his breath as his eye twitched from the pain

"You see Scott's always forcing himself on Kourtney, even though he's so unwanted"

Your eyes met hers and for a moment you could sense something serious behind her childish words. With a sigh you sunk deeper into the water of the pool and tried your best to avoid everyone's gazes who were set on you for some reason.

 

"I'm not unwanted, right (y/n)?" Jean's eyes glimmered as he pouted in your face. You could only push him away for now; you didn't want to swim with anyone since your mood wasn't that good.

 

You could only look on the faces of everyone, painted with awkwardness and what seemed like guilt or even pity. What the hell had happened last night at the club exactly that everyone's faces were so blue.

 

_______________

 

As usual the weather in Trost was horrible. Levi was destined to meet you at the airport because he said he didn't have anything else to do at this time, and yet he still wasn't here as you stood outside the airport in the pouring rain. All of your friends had offered you some kind of ride to your apartment and you had profoundly declined. 

Now that you thought about it, you shouldn't. You had been waiting for more than two hours and even though you weren't soaking or anything like that, you still felt cold and numb. Nevertheless you didn't want to get in again because the possibility of seeing a couple reuniting in there made your guts turn and twist. 

It didn't take long for you to push someone to the edge so you could know the truth about that night at the club and you knew that ince Levi heard of this he'd have your guts served to you as your meal.

 

Okay maybe that was too violent

 

He would probably.... yell at you about being irresponsible when drinking and he'd shrug your whole existence off for the next couple of days. Because, hey, you can't just burst out that you almost had sex with your ex when someone has told you they love you...

 

"Still waiting?" 

 

Not even bothering to look at the owner of the voice, you sank your head between your palms.

"How could you do this to me?"

"Do what?"

 

Your nose let out a disappointed huff before you opened your eyes in an effort to set them on Jean's face. You had no idea what he was doing here but you sure as hell didn't want to know this.

 

"Seriously? I'm feeling terribly sorry for making Krista tell me this already, so don't you dare play it dump."

Jean's eyebrows raised and a sigh escapees his lips. In slow movements he sat down next yo you and extended his hand towards you, only to have it ripped off of your shoulder, violently.

 

"Don't touch me!" You barked. "I really thought that we could be cool with this, but you tried to get me in your bed again? Jean you yourself told me that you feel nothing for me. Are you that messed up?"

Jean sighed again, just to take some time to think of what he should say. "Look I... I was as drunk as you...probably.." he instantly regretted saying that very last word, and yet he decided to go on, even though he knew that he'd blurt more shit out and that he'd make you anger than you already were. "You can't only blame me though... you were practically begging for it, until you passed out!"

 

"Wha-"

" _'Oh Jean I think I still love you_ ' a-and _'just one last time Jean, come on_ ' like what did you expect a drunk person to do, (y/n)?" He hadn't realised how his tone was so much higher than before and how some glares had Ben stuck on the two of you

"You know what? Keep that for yourself alright? I don't even need to know. Fuck off" 

Sincerely, you didn't want to snap. You knew deep down that what alcohol had made you blurt out was the truth and they seemed to just add up to Jean's vast and heinous ego.

 

But what about your horrible ego?

Why on earth couldn't you just confirm that you still had some feelings for him, even after all that time, so you could go on?

Maybe you didn't want to go on completely. There was a tremendous fear of losing Jean forever behind your inability to be honest with him.

 

"I didn't mean to make you cry and if this makes you feel better, I didn't mean whatever I did... I'll go wait for my mom somewhere else"

 

You hadn't realised when tears had made their appearance down your cheeks, but that aching lump in your throat was already suffocating you. Was there ever a possibility that you'd speak before he left you alone again?

 

"Look, I want you to mean it, that's the point! I feel so dirty for it, because we're both... we..."

You didn't need to continue though, as Jean's arms were wrapped round you. You were violently pulled into his chest to sob all you wanted, and although you wouldn't ever let that happen, you decided to just relax in there. He really was repulsive and arrogant and urgent and hot headed but that was him. And now this was you. Always sacrificing something important for something that didn't worth it.

Levi could come anytime and see you like that. In the arms of the person you had claimed as the biggest douche in the whole world. You were sacrificing Levi's feelings for one familiar movement with Jean. One of the moments you had missed more than anything. And if you could you'd probably give all your life for this moment to last.

Did it mean you were still in love with Jean or was he so familiar and close to you that you couldn't even keep your hands off of him.

Truth be told, if Jean's movements weren't the exact ones it would have felt as he didn't need these moments himself. It was somehow satisfying to know that he needed these moment with you, because they used to be part of his everyday life.

 

It was even more satisfying that he didn't excuse himself. He really didn't need to apologize and even if he did, you'd never accept his apology, because he'd never mean it. He really respected whatever you had with Levi though, and made himself a goner as soon as he could. It's not like he'd want you to get in trouble, just because he was an asshole who made stupid mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know that was a shitty chapter


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kinda like a filler and it's a short chapter... I'm so sorry I haven't updated in so long, but I promise next chapter will be long and will have some smut in it too :*
> 
>  
> 
> Still enjoy some mental of pure guilt and confessions between reader and Levi

Dinner with Levi was rather awkward. He could sense some tension in you, that you wouldn't admit existed. In response, he refused to look at you in any other way than his infamous cold glare.

"Well, actually, I had a really good time. Aaand Eren said youre invited to his birthday party too."

At this Levi huffed and set his fork down and turned his attention fully on you and what you were about to say next. He was surely convinced that this brat would never let him accompany you to his birthday part, mostly because he was afraid for his well being after Levi beat the crap out of him. It was a little sudden for him to be told your friends actually accepted him and all the actions he'd found himself doing for you.

"That's good I guess, I get to have an eye on you."

This was actually a relief for you too... with Levi you wouldn't get out of hand and you wouldn't fall for anything Jean did. Still though, guilt burned your insides; it was almost impossible for you to look Levi in the eye and lie to him, hide the truth. It would feel so bad to even think Levi would ever do something like what you did, because you knew he was sincere. You knew he was true and honest and it really killed you, to the point you couldn't even force your self to eat. 

"Levi... I'm such a horrible person" his thin eyebrow curved upwards as his narrowed on your direction.

" Wouldn't doubt that for a minute, considering you're the dirtiest thing ever, even in sex"

You groaned loudly in frustration that he had to bring that up, and your mind seemed to try to avoid to utter the words you had been building up this faint courage to.

"Gah... god, okay I'm only going to say this once. Jean and I made out, because he tried to take advantage of me when I was drunk, but he was drunk too okay?" Your heart was almost bursting in your ears and whatever reaction Levi gave you was unseen and ignored. You would have never guessed guilt eating your gut out like this because you could feel you were hurting him with your words and he didn't deserve that, because he had fucking said he loved you. Who were you exactly to break a man like Levi with your lack of self control exactly?

 

"I don't think he really feels anything for you, you careless brat. He probably want to see you not ever getting over him"

 

With your jaw dropping on the floor you stared at Levi as if you had just seen a ghost. His features were calm and collected, and he was happily chewing his food as if you hadn't just said something that would hurt him.

"I expected this, I might add. I remember I told you you can't control yourself when drinking, and you didn't listen to me"

"Well..." your eyes were set in the floor and your mouth was uttering strange hints of words. "Well I got mad okay? Back then you said you weren't some shitty husband of mine"

 

"And that's the reason you didn't listen to me? You got hurt?" Levi's voice spilled amusement. It was rather hard to realise if he was being bitter or sarcastic at this point, since he was so unpredictable, but he was surely amused and getting cocky now that he knew this had gotten to you.

"Of course it hurt me." You heart was still beating so fast, almost ready to escape it's skeleton prison. This wasn't only a moment of truth between you and the ravenette, this was a moment that the ultimate and true form of your feelings had to reach the surface because if not, you'd lose him. Usually it wasnt that difficult for you, but here and now with Levi it was. You wanted to fight to keep him by your side, to prove that you were just reckless without him, and that mayne if he was there too you would have restrained yourself. And it was even harder to actually admit that he had indeed hurt you.

"For you it might have been easy to say you love me, but for me? It's not! I sure as hell feel something for you too okay? Or else I wouldn't have told you this about Jean"

 

It wasn't that Levi didn't want to scream on your face that he had struggled so much with his own self to tell you how he felt. You weren't pointless to him amd he invented to do everything in his hand to keep you by his side, even if most of the times he wouldn't act like what he believed. And to be honest with himself it stink to know that someone wanted to stand in his way of getting you all to himself and that you were so reckless and careless that you could slip away from him in the blink of an eye.

 

"So you do feel something about me too. Tch.. though you'd never say it" The ravenette took a sip of the water in his cup, that must have been cold when the two of you started eating. Not that he minded, he just wanted to clear his throat from everything he had to appetite. For what seemed like the thousandth time he stood silent as he stared profoundly in your flushed face. He couldn't help but think you looked adorable at this state of loss of words.

 

"Alright, up and into the bedroom, I need to show you who you officially belong to"

 

His command might have sounded way too stoic and sadistic to anyone else that could actually hear it at the moment, but the only thing it caused you was a bubbling tightening in your lower abdomen. Nevertheless, you wasted no time in getting the hell out of the kitchen, faster than the Flash himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's short.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this while having a really bad mental breakdown. It's still better than the last chapter in my head.
> 
>  
> 
> Tbh idk if you guys are still reading this shit , so I'm really sorry if it is actually shit... lol I should shut up and go drink bleach already...
> 
>  Edit 13/7/2018: guys I really had a bad breakdown. No I didn't drink bleach, and I don't know why I would always say my story is shit. I'm sorry I was like that. 2017 was a bad year for me
> 
> ALSO WARNING: this chapter contains sexual content

"Fuuuuuuuck" 

Your whining breaths were as loud as they'd ever get. Being too in and turned in for a dirty round or two with the ravenette, just before having to drive away to the cloud Eren was having his birthday party, had never felt so good.

Levi's sleek fingers were slowly going in and out of your core in a steady pace, occasionally going round and round as if he was aiming to ouch every inch he could. The feeling was driving you so insane that your head felt like it would burst from the lack of air your lungs were getting. His thin lips were pressed against the crook of your neck, planting chaste kisses on the soft spot, to distract himself from his urge to such your skin as if he'd rip a part of it away.

 

Levi would surely need to wear a new pair of pants because you had gotten them all wet. It was amazingly exciting for you and him probably, to have sex with clothes on, but there was no doubt he was going to kill you afterwards.

"I-i-can't... Levi I can't" Levi swore he was going insane by your lewd moans and soft pleas, feeling his own member throbbing, underneath the back of his hands. It didn't get any better when you began to move your hips up and down, or even gyrating them hungrily. Your hands were softly tagging on his sweaty hair, just to hold him securely to his place until he finished what he started. 

Deciding, though, that he had enough of not getting the same satisfaction, Levi slipped his fingers off your wet entrance and placed his palms on your barely clothes ass, digging them right under the black lace dress and finally lifting it to his liking. 

He lowered his pants in the blink of an eye, enough for his cock to slip out and only a bit of his thighs. His fingers tightened their grip on your butt, bringing your whole being closer to his, lips slamming on yours with such fierce that could crush you. 

This could only prove how much Levi wanted you, whether it was for something quick just like how, or for a whole restless night. Hed always love and worship your body, even if he liked to be dominant and rough.

 

One of Levi's hands reached his throbbing member and grabbed it firmly, groaning in the process, to slide it along the slit of your entrance. He let out another hiss as he threw his head backwards due to the pleasure the friction of his aching head in contact with your folds was giving him. You could feel the precum from his cock, oozing down and on your folds.

Slowly, he aligned his shaft outside your entrance and skillfully gyrated his hips in a powerful thrust, that caused a scream to climb out your throat.

 

As he hungrily thrust back and forward into you, you wished you had actually informed Eren, you'd be really, really late.

 

________________

 

"MIKASA DO SOMETHING!" Jean's hysterical yelling had stopped being funny a long time ago. It wasnt her fault that you weren't even giving him a bit of attention, and it sure as hell wasn't her responsibility to baby Jean with his child like behavior. After all she was _your_ friend, and if you were to know about the help she's been giving Jean, you would kill her. And to be honest if this wasnt for Marco and his kindness she wouldn't be putting up with Jean's bullshit right now.

 

"Cant you just let her be? She seems really happy with Levi to me..." she shrugged she shoulder and pointed at you and the raven haired man who were making out on the dance floor. Mikasa had no idea how you even convince Levi to come to a place like this club, even more to get him to stand on the dance floor with you, make out. Levi wasn't a really big fan of PDA.

 

Jean angrily gulped his whiskey down his throat. He knew that after a few more, the burning in his throat would be gone along with the lamp that had gathered deep in his esophagus.

 

"I want to kick him so bad right now, I swear!" Jean exhaled again, before storming off to the bar, to get a new glass of whiskey, or even pay for a whole bottle. Either way, he needed it.

 

"Knowing Levi, he won't even let him get to arm's distance, so please hold him back Marco."

 

Marco gave a reluctant nod to his ravenette friend as he watched her get up and walk away from their reserved stall. Eren had been going bizarre and wild and desperately needed Mikasa by his side.

 

On the other hand, you and Levi had absolutely no idea what was going on with everyone else. All you knew what that you had danced off to the Weeknd's songs with Eren, while drinking just a bit before Levi forced you away from your celebrating friend.

 

You were probably way too wasted on the feeling of Levi with you tonight, that you didn't really care about anything else. You only had Sasha take some good photos of you and him because you didn't want to let your Instagram page die -and because you had found the most amazing quote for him. 

Levi acted like a greedy monster, who was devouring you very slowly, in front all of your friends. There was no doubt that they were going to be teasing you to no possible end for this, since this was your first official outing with the man, especially in front of them. 

 

It's not that they didn't approve. Most of them didn't even know Levi like you did, and were mostly intimidated by him, and everything surrounding his name. Had he nit beaten up Eren a couple of years ago -for reason still unknown to everybody- nobody would have had the opportunity to meet him in real life.

 

 

"Why don't you go find a girl to dance with, Jean? You really like that song don't you?" Marco cheerfully smiled, and patted his friend's back, wishing the man wouldn't be so stubborn this time.

 

"I won't fucking do that Marco, the only match for me is (y/n). I won't dance to Beyonce without (y/n) so stop this!" He groaned. It was true that if someone wanted to put your relationship in a nutshell, they'd only have to show the world one of the many videos you and Jean had, dancing to 'Feeling Myself' like maniacs. He felt so stupid at the moment, because not only were you dancing to this song -yours and his official jam- with someone else, and not only you were having fun with that someone else, but it was Jean himself who had managed to push you so away from him, that you would be even give him a glare the moment the song was heard.

 

It was so odd and bizarre for you not to be with him. His everyday life had changed completely. No more getting to wake up next to you, or trying to wake you up, just to to torture you and no more cooking together. Sometimes he'd think about ordering food, and he'd walk to his living room, to ask what you wanted, only to be greeted by emptiness and an unfamiliar apartment, in an unfamiliar state.

 

**_I said "Yes daddy I do, gimme brain like NYU"  
I said "Teach me, n***a, teach me. All this learnin' here is by you"_ **

 

He hissed as you profoundly bumped Levi's sharp nose with your pointer finger at the hearing of the word 'daddy' and a gracious smile adorned your features as the raven haired man cringled his nose and smirked only for you to see. Sasha was screaming in excitement and scolding everyone around her, trying her best to make it know to everybody that you were kinky as fuck, by yelling at it on the top of her lungs.

 

It wasn't much later that your horrified face was lit by the light of your phone. You quickly pulled Levi out if the club, as Jean watched, still with that horrified expression on your face. The two of you never came back in, and so only after Eren and Mikasa informed everyone they needed to go.

 

The news, actually, Hit Jean like a damn truck. The man didn't even like him at all, but all these years he had spent with you had gotten the two tone haired man, had already started to feel like there was a special bond between them. So he'd never want to be in your place, having to read with his own eyes that your father just had a heart attack, and heading to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like the story though, kudos and comments are always appreciated because they keep me extremely motivated
> 
> Edit:13/718 I had realised I had put the n word there without censoring it. I'm deeply sorry if I seemed ignorant or if I hurt anyone. I'm going through editing and I just realized. Again I'm truly sorry. I shouldn't have done that


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to write this! I promise next chapter will be within next week. Hope you all enjoy, since this is kind of an essential filler for future chapters

If there was a definition of comfort, that must be Levi's entire being. You had no idea what force was making him do this for you. He was so willing to drive you from the club to his apartment to change and to the hospital in less than half an hour. His hand would never leave yours as he didn't want you to get away from his sight.

 

Levi was the most understanding. You had expected him to yell at you or scold you for breaking down in front of him again, but instead he showed you how he truly cared about you. He brought the hand that was intertwined with his and kissed the back of it, in his effort to seem as affectionate as possible. And in return, you took his actions in his heart and cherished them because they were so rare.

 

You had lost count of how many times he had asked if you needed anything, or if you were as physically fine as possible. You had heard him talking on the phone with your brother before, who had informed him that you father was alive indeed, but not out of danger and that Eren and Mikasa were already at the hospital.

So expecting to see your brother and friends was only natural for you. There would be sad moments between all of you, since your father had served as a role model for Eren and Mikasa, ever since they lost their parents. 

For years it had never crossed your mind that your mother and sister had left on April Fool's and if it had crossed your father's, he had never let it show. The thought left your mind as soon as it came, and for a moment you thought someone might have been pulling a prank on you. Your father didn't have any heart conditions so to get a heart attack he must have been hit with something really big.

You finally reached the room your father was in. Not bothering to take a look outside, you opened the door to see your father's sleeping face. Instead, you were greeted with a much unpleasant situation. 

The very same woman, who had given you the privilege of being alive, who had taken off out of the blue with your sister amd never bothered to come back, was standing right in front of you, with her dear daughter next to her. Your breath hitched in your throat and the air around you felt less and less any second passing. Soon, your body began hyperventilating, your eyes losing their ability and your hand grip tighter on Levi's before everything stopped.

 

____________________

 

 

_"Mommy! What should I wear at Eren's party today?" The tiny voice rang through the halls of your house as you run down the stairs, feeling excitement bubble up in your whole being._

 

 

_Your mother though, was nowhere to be found. Not in the kitchen, not in the living room. Ypu swiftly walked up the stairs again, not even knowing what time it was, because your mom was supposed to get you to Eren's._

 

 

_"Mommy!" You shouted once again and opened the door to your parents' bedroom._

 

_"Here I am honey!" She quickly remarked and pushed something heavy underneath the bed, before she turned her head completely to you. "What is it?"_

 

 

_"Mommy is it time for Eren's party?"_

 

 

_"Ah... let me check the time all right?" She smiled at you, her wavy locks bouncing as she tilted her head to the side. You sighed at the sight of your mother. She was so pretty, and your twin siblings looked so much like her. Unlike them, you looked exactly like your father, something he took proud in._

 

 

_In a matter of seconds she was back in the room and kneeling before you. "I have to take you to Eren's in an hour and a half sweetheart. Want me to do your hair?" She smiled again and tangled her soft palm on your (h/c) hair. Even if it wasn't the exact same as hers, people could at least tell you two were mother and daughter._

 

 

_"Yes!" You excitedly announced and jumped on your spot. "Mikasa called me a while ago and said she'll wear a dress! Can I wear a dress mommy?"_

 

 

_"Of course you can baby." She sighed and leaned in to plant a kiss on your forehead before getting up to exit the room._

 

 

____________________

 

 

Your surroundings were much different than the ones you remembered always waking up to. This didn't look like Levi's or yours room, but you were surprised to spot his head over yours, checking to see if your eyes were really open. 

"She's awake" someone announced, but still the voice seemed too blurred and unfamiliar to you. You could sense the smell of alcohol amd iodine in the air, and only then it hit you that you were in the hospital. 

 

Slowly, your senses, one at a time, came back. You could see Levi's worried form, sitting in the chair with his head in his hands, a really bad sign, and a nurse above your head. Why were you in the hospital though, in the first place?

"How are you feeling miss? You almost gave your boyfriend here a heart attack."

 

Heart attack! Yes! Your father had a heart attack! 

"I'm- I... I saw my mother" you whispered as an answer, but mostly looking over Levi, who was now locking gazes with you, signaling that he knew who this woman was. His face was contorted in concern and fear as he looked at you and the nurse. 

 

Your stomach suddenly took a twisted turn that send hot shots of pain up your throat. You felt the contents of your stomach drifting upwards your esophagus and a rush if old sweat run through your whole body from your forehead to your toes.

"Miss" you quickly told the nurse as your brain sent waves of panic to your heart, making it beat faster than it already was. "I'm going to need that bucket. _Now!_

She giggled as she gave you the bin that stood nearby the bed your were in. You couldn't comprehend that satisfied look in her face as you poured your insides to the bin, watching silently as Levi didn't even flinch from his spot in the chair. His head was buried deep in his hands again, as he chuckled.

"Is there something funny?" You asked with a face pale as the sheets thw covered your form. The nurse only giggled again before she gave you something to wipe. Her gaze turned to Levi's as she started walking towards him to give him a piece of paper she was holding.

"Here you go, sir, you can have an appointment on Wednesday, since you said you're working on Friday. Our doctor is always here" a tint of jealousy sparked inside you as the nurse seemed to smile way too bright to your man.

 

______________

 

 

"What the hell was that about?" Your voice was pinched and angry and directed exactly towards Levi, who was helping you get dressed out of the hospital clothes and into your own.

 

"What are you talking about brat?" Levi hummed in response.

 

"What am I talking about? Why was she so giggly towards you?"

 

This made the man chuckle. Of there was something that he could make out of this whole tragic situation, was that you had gotten jealous. It felt so self satisfying and it boosted his ego to no end to know that you had started getting possessive over him.

 

"They run some blood tests on you and they want us to come here for a pregnancy test on Wednesday" 

You could have sworn you jaw dropped at Levi's words. A pregnancy test? Where did that came from? The only reason you had fainted was because of the shock of seeing your mother after seventeen years.

 

"And yes, I told about you throwing up yesterday morning and the day before that" Levi spoke as if he was reading your very next thoughts. You had never even considered being pregnant, but just sick of some kind of stomach flu that had been around your neighborhood for a while now.

 

"Are you okay with that?" You managed to utter before he took your hand in his, to lead you out of the room. He didn't say anything in response. Not even a single moment of his head gave away some kind of answer, and it frustrated you to no end.

 

Nevertheless you put that aside when the two of you reached the hall of your father's room. As excpect your friends and brother were there, distancing themselves from not only your mother but your very own sister too.

 

"Oh so both of the prodigal women are back, huh?" You remarked straight away, as your sister's eyes landed on you. She stared at you up and down, seeming to admire the woman you had become. Of course the last time she had seen you, you were five years old and she was eleven. To say she hadn't changed would be an understatement. Her hair, was in lose curls, and just like your mother's, dyed a washed out blonde that didn't look natural at all.

 

"Don't be like that little sis" she smiled at you, and at the moment it must have taken Levi all his strength to hold you back from bitch slapping her.

 

"Call me sis again, and you won't even have a jaw to speak, you filthy excuse of a woman! You too bitch!" Your gaze -and pointer finger- turned to your mother, who simply smirked at your words. In the deep end, there was your brother's voice, telling you to brush it off amd ignore them.

 

"Whatever, we're not even here for you." You sister added. "We're here to see Grisha"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, hoped you all enjoyed, comment on what you liked or what you didn't because I honestly felt like this chapter was a bit off. I'm always open for suggestions and ideas too!
> 
> Thanks for reading my story and aways commentkng nice things and leaving kudos! It really means a lot!


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter because next ones are going to be consisted of full pain and sadness.
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I thought a small take on Levi past would fit really good for this chapter.

Eren hysterical laughter filled the waiting hall you were in. Mikasa was staring at him as if he'd lost his damn mind, for there was no reason the Eren Yeager you all knew would laugh at the hearing of his father's name.

 

The horrible, nervous laughter reached you too, making your throat bubble up, unable to keep it in.

 

"That was a good one. Oh god!" Eren wiped the tears out of the corners of his eyes, and wrapped his arms around his stomach. "I cant breath" he announced, but all laughter died down in a matter of seconds. 

 

"Ahh oh god, you'll have to dig six fucking feet under the ground, because that's where he is now, paying for whatever he's to Eren and Carla!" You basically barked at you mother and sister, feelings of rage overflowing I'm your whole body as you stared at them. How did they even had the nerve to come and request to see that ass of a person. You did not want to know their reasons, you did not need to hear their damn excuses.

In your haste state though, you didn't see your mother getting up from her sit to approach you, but Levi wrapping his hand around her neck and slamming her on the wall caught your attention.

 

Levi's head started spinning the moment he saw the woman standing up to approach you, but he knew damn well what her intentions were. She had wanted to hit you, maybe to show you that this was disrespectful to the dead, but he wasn't going to let this happen. 

He would be damned if anyone did any harm to you and the life you were possibly carrying, and as he claimed both, he would only blame himself for any harm that would come to you.

 

Levi's violent instincts had never abandoned him, even if he had tried his best to supress them. If it wasn't for you watching him, there would be a very high chance of him strangling the woman who called herself your mother on the very spot.

 

"If you dare to lay a single filthy _finger_ of yours on her, I'll rip your throat with my bare hands, you go it, woman?"

 

She didn't flinch nor speak nor nod, but Levi let her go, because he saw the worried look in your face. Even your brother's face was screwed up in worry, and he was sure that the old Levi would have never understand why or let this chance of killing someone slip, he knew that if he did that he would lose everyone's trust, and mostly, he'd have to face Erwin to tell him that he had failed him and the chance for a new life he had given him.

He didn't care about your mother's excuses and mostly, he didn't care about having to do anything to please you, to make you feel good.

It was his own insides that were itching him. Ever since he hears from the nurse that you might be pregnant, his internal organs had made it clear to him that they would burst. A thousand thoughts about not being good enough, or well fit to be a father crossed his mind, but for a reason the idea of being able to cause a life to come into this world made him feel like he was the best person in the world. He couldn't even imagine of the depths he'd go to see this small little human, coming out of the person he was so sickly in love with.

 

"The fuck (y/n), your father's struggling for his life, and all hell has broken lose here but you still manage to post shit on Instagram?" Eren looked at you with a hollowed look as the words left his mouth, although soon regretted ever speaking them as Levi's -almost- psychotic gaze landed on him.

 

"Hey sorry, but Sasha and I always say that we should try our best to look like our life is so good in social media!" 

 

That caused your brother to roll his eyes on you and smirk. He knew hoe much of a crazy one you became once you got together with Sasha, ever since the two of you were in middle school.

 

"Well it was such a nice picture too, I had to post it" you whispered, although it was intended to only reach Levi's ears. He seemed to enjoy seeing the photo of him and you with the caption you had put so much thought on.

 

_'out of body, that's just how I feel when I'm around you, shortie'_

 

Then again, you could only think about how it was that Levi made you feel like the melody of this song, that you had come to love so deeply. It was Jean who had gotten you into Drake's music, but you could only thank him for that, in the end.

 

A strange feeling bubbled in Levi's gut as his eyes kept on staring at the picture, making sure the image was printed in his mind like hot iron.

 

_____________________

 

 

Your hand went unhesitatingly to the sound remote button once the familiar, yet faint tune filled your ears. You had forgotten you were even were in Levi's car. Staring at the barely lit sky, you failed to see Levi's hand reaching to the same direction as yours. 

Nevertheless, you could still feel the same jolts of electricity you'd feel tun through you everytime he touched you.

 

"You know this song?" His voice was not loud, yet it still sounded pretty clear in your ears. He chuckled the moment he saw you nod, feeling a feeling of nostalgia overwhelm his whole being.

 

"What? You do too?" You quickly asked only to receive a short positive answer. The atmosphere felt suddenly heavy around him as the singer's voice rang through your ears.

 

**_'Winter's city side, crystal bits of snowflakes  
All around my head and in the wind  
I had no illusions that I'd ever find a glimpse of  
Summer's heatwave in your eyes'_ **

 

"This song is so shitty, yet-" Levi paused to take a deep breath and sigh, before he could set his eyes on the road again. "It was my mother's favorite. She would always tell me she related to it."

 

This time, it was you who sighed. You didn't know much about Levi's past, just a few stuff you had overheard Erwin tell your dad many years ago, but having him open up like that to you made you feel special in such a heart warming way.

 

_**'You did what you did to me, now, it's history I see  
Here's my comeback on the road again  
Things will happen while they can  
I will wait here for my man tonight  
It's easy when you're big in Japan'** _

 

"She also tried to force me to dance too, but I was a clumsy three year old. There weren't many songs she had liked that much though."

From what you knew Levi's mom had died when he was five, leaving him all alone in this shithole of a world. Although a strange connection of thoughts over came your mind, you tried to keep your focus in whatever story Levi wanted to say about his life. The song came out in 1988, the thought of it confirming once again in your mind that Levi was ten years older than you. You hadn't even gotten your degree but you were possibly pregnant. What if the two of you broke it off? He sure was a business man that could feed three mouths -included his own- but if there was a slight chance if him letting you go, you were fucked.

 

 

"Maman, I'd say, Je ne veux pas danser, but she would just shrug it off and take me in her arms and say ' Oh Lévi, ne sont pas un enfant si grincheux' " the ravenette chuckled again at the thoughts of his last, wishing he had more time to cherish with his mother. He was pretty sure you had no idea about the what he had just said in French, but there was something comforting in the loving way you looked at him. "I later realised it was because she was a prostitute that she related to this song so much. A song talking about a better life somewhere that no one knew her. Even though Paris was vast, she didn't want to live there. She was even rasing money to get me and her out of that damned situation."

 

"What happened then?"

 

"AIDS. She didn't have the money for any of these treatments that she could get, but she was going to die either way, then my uncle came on the day he was supposed to get my mother and I on the airport, and he found her dead. I had lost count of time, but it had been weeks as I was informed later" Levi's eyes lowered as he saw the horrified look on your face. He knew how it felt to have lost a parent, and now he was making you feel even worse by telling you the struggles of his life.

 

"I know your father will be alright." He finally said though, after a long pause, his hand rubbing soft circles on your thigh. "If we hadn't been told that he's stable I wouldn't have taken you out of there, so don't worry." 

 

Your lips aligned with the lyrics of the song for a brief moment as you tried to find the words that would form your answer to him.

 

"Well, it's not only that I'm worried about. I mean... you saw my mother and I don't want to end up like her."

 

"Oh..." he paused and briefly focused on taking the turn ahead of him before he spoke. "To my defence I never thought about being a father too. I'll be horrible nonetheless. But don't worry kid, I wasn't thinking of letting you go before, and nor do I plan to."

 

"I'm not a kid!" You pouted, as he finally pulled in the driveway of his apartment building. The first rays of dawn had already started reflecting on every single corner of the neighborhood, embracing Levi's features soflty.

 

"Oh yes, I forgot, you're a damned brat." 

 

At that moment you felt as if your eyes were blinded; his smile was so wide and beautiful and it felt so warm and nice amd you were sure he could save worlds with it. Such as smile had been so hard to see in Levi's face, even if you had made him laugh numerous of times in the months you've been together.

 

He didn't stay like that for long though, as you attacked him with your whole body, slamming your lips on his.

 

"I love you" you said, almost feeling yourself tear up because you knew it was the thought of having a kid with you that made him feel so happy. Now all you had to do, was try to calmly announce your father that about you and Levi, without making him have another heart attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I head canon that Levi is french, since the name Ackerman is a pure french last name...
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, kudos and comments are always appreciated because they let me know you like this story<3 
> 
> Thanks for reading sweeties!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being so late, but I was on some sort of vacation with some friends and I got in much trouble, plus less of motivation and almost no interaction at all on my Tumblr page, really put me down. But don't worry, I'm not even close to finishing this story, to whoever is reading this and still cares about this thing.

Jean couldn't say he was a man that someone could take pride in. Sure, there was his mother, who loved him nonetheless, but he was sure no one else, not even his own father was proud of him. He wondered if there were people who heatedly loved him, since he always hurt them the best way he could and pushed them away.

On this Friday, almost nobody had remembered to call him for a happy birthday. He already was in his mother's house since he didn't have any classes that day. Marco had promised he'd visit him and that he would try to bring anyone who cared, but Jean had been opposite to this. Marco didn't have to force anyone to care because Jean had forced this situation on himself first. He was arrogant and hot headed, brutally honest, to the point people got offended and it had taken him twenty three years to realise.

 

"I made you omelette, Jeanbo." His mother's voice was the only thing that was able to interrupt his sequence of thoughts and snap him to reality. In any other day he would have jumped at his spot and rushed to the kitchen, but he didn't want anything to reach his twitching stomach. He was going to throw everything up, in the first chance he got, of he had to be force to eat.

"I'm not that hungry mom" he simply scoffed, and went back to covering his eyes. He didn't want to see the light and he didn't want to get off of the couch he was on. His father gave him a strong glare that he knew he missed, but he didn't care about that either. Marco had assured him that you had personal issues going on and that maybe of you didn't end up calling him to wish him a happy birthday, it was because of that. He was practically glad that Marco had kept in contact with you, but he had to respect that Marco wouldn't give him every detail about your life.

 

Apart from Levi though, he could imagine how it was like. Art projects and much studying, working in Reiner's to keep up with your rent and thw recent addition of having to take care of your father. He had gotten out of the hospital pretty early considering it was only last week he had had his first heart attack, but from what Marco had told him he was safe and sound in his house once again. He had taken pretty well and calmly that you were with Levi, amd it made him angry and jealous that he was never that good with him. Did Levi had something he didn't? 

"...Jean please, talk to me"

His gaze turned to his mother once his hands left his eyes, who had almost teared up at the lack of response she was getting. He nearly pitied her to be honest. Her son was a mean, arrogant bastard who tried to push everyone away from her life and got angry even if someone was trying to do something good for him. 

"What turned out to be so wrong with him?" His mother cried out, looking at his father's face, which remained stoic and unable to take another facial expression. "All I've ever wanted was for him to be healthy and happy, and he's none of that" 

And then it hit him. His mother was right. He was a mistake, something that had gone terribly wrong. He wasn't happy and he wasn't healthy and his behavior affected others and maybe he need to be checked about this.

 

"Why did you push her away?"

 

"When are you going to get a real job?"

 

"When will you get married?"

 

He felt attacked by each sentence, each word that was being told to him felt like a stab in each uncovered part of hos soul and body, and nobody even took pity of the fact that it was his birthday. He was being constantly pushed and constantly scolded off for whatever he did. Nevertheless, the familiar tone of his ringtone filled his whole body with more anxiety than it should. He knew, it was Marco, because who else would call him anyway?

 

"Yes?"

 

_"Hey Jean! (Y/n) are coming by to bring you some cake alright?"_

 

Jean's jaw dropped for the millimeter of a second. He was damn sure he had heard your name roll of Marco's lips. A feeling of heartwarming euphoria enclosed his whole being and was instantly crushed by one of his mother's yelled profanities.

 

"CAN YOU JUST SHUT UP MOM?" 

 

_"Jeez Jean, you can be nicer than that. Make sure you don't talk to (y/n) with this attitude. She had a really nasty fight with you know who, about coming there"_

 

Jean rolled his eyes at that. He was convinced he had never acted like Levi on this subject, and he never would, but that man was crashingly possessive. Jean felt disgust run through him at the though of you having to lose your freedom to be with someone like Levi, and he couldn't even imagine what reaction he would had if you and him were still in excellent terms. 

 

"Whatever Marco, my mom's bitching about my life." 

 

_"Okay! Bye Jean, see you in a while. We're getting on the bike now so i can't really talk while driving."_

 

Once again, the male sighed as the line went dead. In the end, the only thing that would be worthy, was that you were going to be there for him in this shitty days. It wasn't like the past and he wasn't sure if this was ever going to happen again.

 

________________

 

Five hours and a couple of unanswered calls later, Jean figured out there must have been nothing really wrong. A rushed and heavy feeling of anxiety was pulsing through his veins, out of his heart and into his brain, making his lungs want to give out. His phone trembled in his hands, his mind pacing back on forth as to whether he should call someone, anyone to ask if the two of you were alright. His ringtone filled his ears before he had a chance to reach his contacts, though.

 

_"Hello. I'm calling you from Trost General Hospital's Emergencies. I found your phone from your friend's most recent calls and id like to inform you that your friends are here and I would like you to come for body confirmation."_

 

Jean's heart dropped. The anxiety that had been running through his body had come to an alt and now only sadness and despair was bursting everywhere inside his body. Body confirmation meant that his Marco and his (y/n) were dead dead dead as gone, dead an he was never going to see them again. He was never going to talk to them again, to touch them and make memories with them.

 

"Uhm l-lady" his voice was shaking as if he was stark naked standing outside in the most stormy night of winter. "Ar-re t-they bot-th dead?"

 

_"No, just one of them"_

 

One. One of them but who? Was it Marco or (y/n)? Either way he had lost someone, and was all because he felt greedy enough to ask about people coming by on his birthday. It was probably his and only his fault. He quickly headed down the stairs to his living room, only to be met with his mother and father who were watching a random show on TV.

 

"I uhm.. I need to go" he started off slowly. "Marco and (y/n) had an accident and on of the two is dead. I'm needed for body confirmation." His voice broke bit by bit as he spoke and his mother's horrified face could only make it even worse for him

 

"Jeanbo.."

 

"Don't talk to me and don't look at me." He yelled out. He didn't want the pity of anyone, simply because he didn't need it. At the moment it seemed unfair to be the one getting attention when actually the two people he loved the most needed his. 

 

Nevertheless he didn't know if he wanted to be dead too or not much jed rather be dead than have to face a dead Marco or a dead (y/n).

 

_____________

 

Levi was going to kill him. _He was going to fucking nail him to death, then cut his body onto ittt bitty tiny pieces and then throw it away in a river._

 

By the time Jean had arrived at the hospital he was informed that once he recognized both people he should call their closest relatives to inform them about the situation. Of course he had to come face to face with Marco's half body. His face was torn, just like his arm and leg. His heart was instantly torn and crushed and stumbled upon, but the fact that you were just in a a little better condition. Everything he had shared with Marco was now gone, shielded away from him with an eternal mark.

 

It was the fact that he was told that one on of the three had survived that made him dearly for his whole being. At first he had thought the nurse was talking about the other driver, but then after a small confirmation but another doctor who came by, Jean was informed that you were pregnant. So not only was he losing you to death, he was also losing you to another man's child. You were going to actually die when you'd hear that, if you were even aware that you had a child in your womb. You've always wanted children amd had had countless fight with him on that, but now for once in your life you had tried to just get away from his toxicness, and he was pulling you back into it with all his might. And he loved you so much, with all his freaking dead ass being that he wanted you to just wake up and get away from all of that.

 

He wanted you out of this bed and up from this potential comma, to live a life the way you should have without having him bringing you so much pain. It didn't matter anymore if you'd give him a chance to start over. All he wanted was for you to be alive and well and strong enough to get over any of what you were going to be told.

 

Everything hurt. Everything fucking hurt. The panic and the anxiety that rushed through him, hurt. The loss and the realization of it hurt even more and of course what hurt the most was the he felt responsible. He hadn't even realised he had started breathing hard and hyperventilating at the same time, before everything went black around his vision.

 

In the end he wished he was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I'm this wasn't a quality chapter. I'll try harder next time. I'm sincerely sorry
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway please comment in whether you liked thos chapter or not, and I will appreciate even the ones who state they don't like this, because I totally understand it


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well uhm, I know no one is going to read this, but the reason I'm late to posting chapter is that my life sucks. And there's no excuse to not being able to write more often, but nobody wants me as their friend, and it hurts to see my ex friends doing things and not including me and I have so many summer classes that I want to die. 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm also sorry if this is affecting the story...

_"I miss you."_

_"I love you"_

_You opened my eyes to a whole new world and stayed with me when it all crumbled._

_You were with me when I decided to built it up again, but once you left I stop trying to get better_

_Once in a life time though you meet someone who's so special that there's no need for you to count count the times you were with them. You don't mourn their loss, because you know they won't go. Someone you love for all their quirks, all their insecurities, all their obsessions._

_I sincerely hope you find this person, just like I did and keep them close to you and your heart. I won't forget about you, because I'd be lying if I said that there's nothing left of you inside me, so dont forget about me. But if you find the courage to love someone more than you loved me you won't have to write a letter to them just to say:_

_"I miss you"_

_"I love you"_

_I would normally say that this belongs to **us** but I want it to belong to you._

_This must have been a really depressing birthday gift._

 

Jean neatly tucked the letter behind the painting and then hang it on his wall. This apartment seemed so empty now without your presence in it. Moving back in in that apartment made him suffer more than he needed to, but he wasn't planning on leaving Trost anytime soon. Once again he had found a good chance to work and he was finally getting the connections to be able to open up a small gallery for his works.

 

In these three weeks that you have been in that comatose condition, his life had dramatically changed. He had decided he wanted to move back in to Trost, mostly to take care of you and Marco's mom, plus he had found a real good therapist. If he was at least going to take care of people, he should take care of his own self too, and he had indeed got a bit better.

 

Well, if he had to be honest with himself and his therapist, he'd have to admit that you weren't in any need of his help. Lwvi had taken the whole situation into his hands and rare were the times he was allowed to be close to you, but he didnt care. This was still the only thing he was in denial for.

 

Sure, it was horrible. You had just woken up for a three week long comma, not being able to either walk or utter a single word. The doctors had informed your friends and family that you had taken some brain injury  despite the helmet you had on, your vocal cords had taken a lot of damage causing them to have paralysed and your lower spine was yet to be healed but nonetheless none of the damages were permanent. You didn't seem to take the last part well though. He felt crushed when he saw your reaction to being told your unborn and your friend were dead. The silent panic attack you had to go through, and he could only sympathize with it.

A sigh left the depths of his chest though, as he took one last look at the painting of himself. It was indeed beautiful and pure unlike how he thought of his actual self. It seemed to stand as a reminder if how he was always viewed by you. 

 

____________________

 

"She can heal at home from this point on, sir. We will provide you with a wheeling chair and all the supplies you need, plus a prescription for painkillers and other medicine and antibiotics she is going to need. A nurse will come by to give you some instructions on how to take care of her." The nurse in front of him smiled sympathetically to Levi's face and he only nodded in response. With a quick glare at your sleeping form he sighed and buried his face in his sweaty hands. He hated this. He hated having to go through this and it only brought him so much pain to see you struggle like that.

 

"You said nothing is permanent. I need to be confirmed once again that she's not going to be mute or crippled for the rest of her life."

 

"Yes sir, there is nothing that shows her damage is going to be permanent. Since she woke up from her coma, I can guarantee you that she's is going to be like this for six months maximum."

 

Levi nodded again and pushed his lips into a thin, puckered line. Once you'd wake up he was going to tell you you two were finally going home, but he knew you'd still refuse to look him in the eye. He was aware of how bad you were feeling for having lost that baby, and even if it was still too early to scratch that wound he wanted to hold you close and assure you you were going to be alright. That this didn't matter, and his heart had almost burst when he learnt that you were in an accident. He could feel his forehead sweat in the thought of how to say to you that he was so afraid to lose you just like everybody else. 

 

And that all the while he was in pain and thinking he was going to lose you, he had to cope up with all your friends who were also crying and whipping all the time, adding up to his own anxiety.

 

Your eyes opened slowly as you felt your fingers being squeezed by the very familiar hand. You gave a weak smile to Levi's side to give him a sign of being alright, and he starts rubbing soft circles on your palm.

 

"We're going home" he informed you and brought your hand to lips, placing a soft kiss on the palm of it. "I'm going to take care of you, alright?" He could see the weak objection to your face but he quickly figured he should put this concern of yours at ease "it's fine. Erwin said I can have all the time I want. Don't even think I'm going to let one of these shitty nurses take care of you. One mistake and I'll be put there killing people."

 

You simply smiled again. It was so sweet to be able to know Levi cared for you like he did for no one else.

 

"You're okay with a wheelchair or should I carry you everywhere, brat?"

 

Slowly you raised your pointer finger at him. Your hands were the only way you could communicate with him as voice wouldn't come out at all. It was tiring. Not being able to utter a single word was tiring, and you had no idea how you could let out the pain you were going through without being able to talk.

 

"So the wheelchair, right?"

 

 

____________________

 

 

The furniture was mostly untouched into the house, except for some he had taken with him. Jean wanted everything to be in place, just like it was before, since it was the only thing he could maintain the same from that time. He found out, you still hadn't even touched the spot under the bed, where he kept countless of drawings of you. He carefully hand the numerous canvases, that had also drawing of his friends, and he took measurements of the simple sketches in his notepads so could go out to buy frames after he was done.

 

Truth be told, all the drawings and paintings decorated the place beautifully and gave a vibe of happiness to the place that Jean much needed. He didn't feel overwhelmed by looking at pictures of your or Marco anymore. He only felt that he wanted to take care of you and never let you get hurt again.

 

He wasn't planning though on stealing you from Levi. You loved the man and he knew. Levi could always give you something more, something Jean wasn't willing to give you back then. He wasn't even financially stable to give you children. He just wanted to take you under his wing and help you get through this massive loss just like he was trying for himself. And at this point it was hard to say if he could ever accomplish to have your love back, but he didn't care. As long as he could do anything to keep you safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can always send me your ideas and plots for some new series in Tumblr, because I'd really like to write some more! I know everything is black but my askbox is still open for this! 
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway let me know of you liked this chapter and I promise to add more action on the next one


	20. PLEASE READ

**Ive been informed (via Tumblr) my work has been stolen and posted on another website. This is really horrible and all I can say is that I deeply despise the person who did this. I struggle with so much self hatred and suicidal thoughts and 100 more things and now I have to struggle with people stealing my work.**

**Update, my work called anchor has been stolen and the quotev account name is Alex world. Unfortunately they took their account down once I reached out to them. I didn't attack them, I approached them like a serious person and they took down their account. I just never thought my works were something that could be stolen. I mean it's... it's... it's meh.**


	21. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM BACKKKKKKKKK!!!!!! GUYS I KNOW THIS IS SHORT BUT THIS IS ME EASING UP BACK INTO THIS STORYYYY
> 
> ALSO! warning for mentions of drug use

"Should it be that cold during July?" 

Your voice had been the sound to bring Levi's attention back to reality. A silent hum escaped his thin lips that barely reached your direction. Nevertheless it was loud enough for your to understand that he needed to have the question repeated to him.

"Do you need a jacket? Or maybe we should get inside?" He offered and felt the hair on his arms raise underneath his button up shirt at the sudden cold blow of air. "Well maybe being inside would be better, I'll cook something too, or maybe order, I... I have run out of things to cook and-"

"Levi?" You softly bat your eyes at him, wondering where all this rant had came from. It had been weeks since he had said that many sentences while talking. "Is there anything wrong?"

Levi cleared his voice before he went to speak to you. There was a certain feeling of guilt and worry that ramaged in his stomach as he tried to find some simple words to utter to you.

"I have to get back to work..." He sighed and buried his face in his palms in a disappointed manner "I know I said I'd be here until you fully recover, but Erwin was given a huge job and he needs me too."

He turned to look at you then, his dark, grey eyes glimmering in the blackness of the night, shining with the reflection of all the city lights that reached his balcony.

"Oh come on! That's fine by me Levi! I already feel bad for keeping you back at your job, and plus my friends can be visiting me after work! Jean even said he wants to help me from time to time."

"Jean?" 

"Y-yeah?" You stuttered. Maybe it was too soon for this. Too soon to tell him about still keeping in touch with Jean because Levi thought he was partly responsible for whatever had happened to you all these months ago.

"You still talk to him." Levi stated rather than asked. He didn't need much to realise that all these secretive moments you've had for some weeks were because you've been talking to him. "Is that why you're so secretive these weeks?"

"What? I-"

"Cut the crap kid. I know you like the back of my hand"

Well you could admit there had been some secrecy going on. Your anxiety about Levi discovering the fact that you've kept in contact with Jean had caused you to fear him, to fear whatever he could do to Jean, whatever he could do to himself. Because you had, as a matter of fact, realised that Levi was losing himself as he was talking care of you. He had became an emotional mess, someone who would get mad at every single detail of life -not that he wasn't getting mad at everything before.

You could tell he was tired of this. Tired of acting like your caretaker or your father, or even your personal nurse. The things between you had changed, changed so much, so fast, that it scared you. He wasn't the Levi you knew anymore, and you knew it was partially your fault. And of course, you couldn't deny you were yourself anymore. 

 

As much as Levi had changed for the worse, you had became more naive, more sensitive, ready to take any pain and be silent about it. You had no idea if your relationship had changed because of the loss that had occurred. Levi had been overly ecstatic over the thought of being a father and you had allowed yourself to drown in this happiness that was embracing his whole being.

 

"Well, I guess I know you like the back of my hand too" you lied. It didn't feel like you knew him anymore. It didn't feel like he knew you either. "But Jean needs to be helped too. He.." 

 

There was a long pause following your inability to find the right words. If it would even be considered an inability. Could you do this to Jean? And moreover could you really tell Levi about Jean's whereabouts all this time? Well sure, Sasha had told you because she cared about both of you, plus it kind of slipped her one day over the phone, but telling Levi that Jean would often be on drugs wasn't the right things to say to convince him to allow Jean's presence around you.

 

Although, Levi should understand Jean. He had been in his place. He had been under influence of drugs, he had participated into horrible, violent, inhuman things. Not that he wanted to be reminded of these things. He never wanted to be reminded of anything that came with his past.

 

"You know, you remember Petra?" He finally spoke, fully understanding that whatever was in your mind about Jean, wasn't going to leave your mouth.

 

"Your ex?"

 

"Yeah... She came back to our company. And well you know... Even though I still think about her sometimes and I still want her around me, I don't think I want to throw myself into that nasty pit of a shitty relationship, ever again." He simply blinked at you, long eyelashes flattering in a slow fashion, as if burning his point into the back of your mind. "I hope you feel the same way."

 

You knew all too well that this was targeted straight towards the situation between you and Jean, and the way you felt around him. Levi's eyes captivated your again as he run his hand through his raven hair, leaving it messier than he would usually like it. 

 

"Well you can be around her all you want" you spoke quietly, earning a surprised look from the ravenette.

 

"You've changed." You noticed as the strong wind blew his hair messily all over his face. He didn't bother to fix it. Moreover, he didn't bother to say anything else than this as he came to roll your wheelchair back into his living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this and thanks for your support! I've been getting so much love here ever since I found out my work was stolen and I want to thank each and every one of you individually for making me feel so much better by just leaving a message full of love!  
> These months I've been tortured by bad luck and unrequited feelings that should go away. I've been tortured by feelings I shouldn't even had in the first place and once again I saw what I loved being taken away from me. 
> 
>  
> 
> Next thing I'm going to post will probably be a story from personal experience and I will have Jungkook (from bts) as the main character. So I guess I you're into BTS, and also into finding out one of the reasons it took me so long to write this new chapter you should wait for it. I'm warning you it's going to be heartbreaking though!


	22. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long, but life keeps on getting the better of me with numerous tests, lots of drama llamas, and also I think my depression is kinda triggered again, BUT ILL SURVIVE... 
> 
> It took me a whole month to write this so please enjoy and share your thoughts.
> 
>  
> 
> PLEASE READ THE END NOTE

"Hey! I'm so glad you came, so don't say that you're not welcome here!" You quietly spoke as your palm wrapped around his bicep.

Jean winced at the sudden touch. He wasn't used to having any physical contact these days. Nobody seemed to want him around, except for Conny, who was trying to help him in his own twisted way. It was so usual for him to miss you, but feel fear everytime he thought of Levi. And now here you were. In front of him, touching him.

"I'll be gone before he comes home!" He exhaled.

"You better! He doesn't really want you here, but I do. And if he finds you here were going to have more fights over you."

"So I am causing trouble."

"No Jean! Look, Levi's been weird since... Then. But just for once I can count on the fact that he pities me a lot. He won't even bother with a huge fight"

Jean blinked. His hazel eyes staring deep in yours, as you swallowed hard. 

"You can sit there though. And I'll offer you something." 

Once again he looked at you in awkwardness. His orbs paced between you and your wheelchair, as if asking if you could actually offer him anything. But just like you were reading his thoughts, you reassured him you could do it.

"Yes Jean, I can do stuff on the wheelchair. I am even able to stand still for a couple of seconds."

"That's the best news I got in a couple of weeks." His eyes lit up in amazement at your words, that were spoken so casually from your mouth. "I didn't know you could do that! By the way I want some water."

"I'm getting better day by day" you announced as you set a clear glass on the kitchen table, just to fetch the water for him. "Although, I invited you here, because I got informed about your whereabouts."

Jean hissed at that. He never expected you to know about what he was doing to himself. He never wanted you to know either. It was so hard to admit that his old self had started abandoning him from his own guilt. 

"Well, look i-"

"I can't stop you from doing this Jean. It's your choice. I just don't want you to destroy your self. We're not together anymore, I know that. But I care about you. We've been in each other's lives since forever. And I dont think I can stand the idea of you leaving too. Not you Jean."

His eyes glimmered with a bit of self hope after hearing that, because he finally felt like he wasn't alone in this.

__________

"I don't know, Erwin." 

Irritation filled the blond's glare while it was set on Levi. "I asked you a simple question Levi. You should know the answer."

"I do." He muttered out of gritted teeth.

"If you do love her then don't try to figure out if Petra still wants to be with you." Erwin spoke I'm a steady, heavy voice. "She is not going to leave you, if that's what you think. The fact that she wants to help Jean isn't something that should scare you. They have grown up next to each other. It's only natural for him to take the advice of someone who has a special place in his life."

"You weren't special to me, but I took yours." Levi remarked and quirked his brow, expecting a quick answer. Erwin shouldn't be the one to try and help him with his insecurities but at the moment he felt that he was the only one willing to listen.

"Look Levi, it doesn't work like that for everyone-"

The ravenette's voice suddenly raised. It raised above Erwin's one, cutting his words off. His blood was boiling and hit white anger was churning in his stomach. He didn't want this to happen once again. He wasn't in any place to deal with someone leaving him cold like that.

"I don't want her gone." 

______________

Jean's laughter was pure and it wholeheartedly filled the entire room. He hadn't been able to laugh this hard for so long that he had started fearing he was going to spend the rest of his life mourning.

It was the ridiculous truth; you were the one to make him feel this way, the one to bring him back to his senses. You were like an oasis of water in the hot and dry desert, that he had been trying to cross all by himself without any supply. 

"This is seriously the funniest thing ever."

"It's not my fault you thought Child's Play needed a better video clip."

 

Jean's hand reached to wipe the tears that slipped from the corners of his eyes. It was another day of this week that was spent beside you and he could already feel the beginning of a beautiful era for him. It took such little time for him to see the bright side to things, to get rid of the loneliness, to enjoy every moment. 

He was with you. It didn't have to be sexual, it didn't even have to be some sort of friendship. It was an intimate bond two people could have only if they had known each other for their whole lives. He couldn't hide a single thing from you, and in return you couldn't either.

 

"(Y/n) I'm really trying hard to think here, laughing your ass out won't help me! That goes to you as well blondie!"

 

Levi's tone was strict and sharp as he spoke; something that caused you to immediately feel obligated to obey. You shushed Jean with your finger and he nodded, quietly sitting on the couch.

 

"He acts like he's my father these days. It's nothing concerning." You confirmed, trying your best to prevent Jean from getting angry. In the end, getting mad at Levi wouldn't help one bit at your situation.

Jean looked at you, thinking about Levi. His newest nickname, the way his face fell down at the sight of him, and the constant scolds he heard coming towards you. Looking in your eyes, he could never guess what had made you fall for that grumpy old man, whose behavior towards you was so different than the way Jean treated you.

 

"It's almost been a year you know..." Jean softly spoke, afraid of being heard. "I don't want to ruing what we have but I still miss you." His head leant back onto the couch, his Adam's apple facing the ceiling. You could see him swallow hard, regretting all the words he was about to mouth. 

"Sometimes.... Sometimes I think you're there when I wake up, or that you're occupying the shower. I don't know if drugs did that though. Sometimes I think you're in the studio and I'm making breakfast for two, but when I go into the room you're not there, you're never there. I stare at the sketchbooks I have with the drawings I've done of you and I can see you trying to model any pose for me. And in the end I have to fall into that fucking hole that is reality and see that you're never going to be there. You are here. You are with someone who doesn't even know how to treat you."

Sometimes Levi could see the crimson that dirtied his hands and most of these times it was so hard to shake out of his head the idea of drowning his palms in it once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ain't going yandere don't be afraid, I just want to make my characters suffer a bit and watch them be miserable for a little while. Bear with me.
> 
> Also Questions you might have (ask me anything about the story)
> 
> did Levi just accepted Jean in his house without beating the batshit out of him? Yes 
> 
> Are Levi and reader falling apart? Just as much as my life is babies.
> 
> Is Jean going to get back with reader: not even God knows
> 
> Can I request a scene for an upcoming chapter? PLEASE DO THIS! GO TO MY TUMBLR @jean-does-not-have-a-horseface and hit my inbox!!!! OR JUST COMMENT!


	23. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small casual chapter that will lighten up your hearts and then intrigue you, leaving you wondering and wanting more.

Sasha and Connie's wedding invitation arrived an early Saturday morning in the last week of August. The weather was cold, cold enough to remind yourself you lived in Trost, but Levi hadn't had the chance to bring out warmer clothes from the storage room in his apartment.

You weren't sure if that was a good choice to get married at a young age. Levi expressed the exact same concern about your two friends, although, he announced he'd accompany you to the wedding.

"I still can't understand why they gave out their invitations at such late notice." Levi spoke softly as he squeezed the contents of the dye bottle into the plastic bowl. 

"I'm not too sure they had been planning this for long." 

You watched as the ravenette poured some additional oxidant into the bowl and started mixing the contents of it as the orders in the dye box suggested.

"I don't even think it's going to be this big. I was even surprised to see your name on my invitation to be honest, since both Sasha and Connie always wanted a small wedding with friends and family."

Levi chuckled at that. He knew for a fact that if he wasn't in a relationship with you, he wouldn't be welcome to anything your friends did; not that he cared though. He considered all of you children who had no idea what life outside home is. For fuck's sake everyone was still in their home town even after graduating high school.

"Oi brat, if you don't stay still I'm going to mess with your face." He said, cutting off his own trail of thoughts, even though you were perfectly still in your comfortable chair.

"I'm sorry, dad!" You laughed playfully at this, hoping to get a small reaction by Levi. Nevertheless he stood silent as he carefully dyed each root of your hair. 

You still knew there must have been something other than Jean fogging his vision and making him cold towards you and if it was pity, just like you imagined, then you wanted out of this. You had never been one to act like that, but at the moment you didn't need anyone's pity.

"So... I was thinking." Levi broke the long silence between the two of you, as if he couldn't take it anymore.

"About what?"

"About, uhm, I wanted to go to France for a little while now, and some things regarding my mother's property came into vision." Your face dropped completely at that. He wanted to be away from you, you guessed. Levi didn't lie about anything, so the thing about his mother's property should be concerning him. That didn't change the fact that he'd be away, without you.

"Oh, that'd be nice I guess. You'll be away for a little while so ill-"

"No kid, you never let me finish. I wanted us to go together. I just need to book the tickets and a decent hotel. For Christmas maybe. It's be a nice time to go away because I have work until then and I want to give you space to be fine, completely. I wouldn't go without you, brat."

"You're exaggerating!" You giggled. It was an odd happiness that spring inside you as he said those words.

"I'm not exaggerating. I just know your way of thinking. I saw your face, too and plus by then, it will be our one year anniversary." 

___________

 

"Well it's not the best feeling in the world but I'm coping up, Mika." 

Mikasa's eyes squinted as laughter rushed through her. She knew she shouldn't laugh. She had told herself this was just some kind of practice for her phycology class in University, nothing more, nothing less and here she was. She found herself in a position where she would laugh at his small jokes, when she shouldn't.

"So why are you feeling guilty for it Beau? If something is not working out then why are you trying to fix things?" 

"Well I have a child, Mika. I know what it is to lose your mother and if I was to reveal Cecil's problems I'd get custody." His (e/c) eyes looked straight into her black ones, as if he didn't care about the world around him.

"So you're going to leave your baby with her when she's unstable?" Mikasa tried to shook her self out of her thoughts. She was here to listen to his problem, not think about how hot he was with sweat dripping off his forehead and neck due to the long run they were having.

"This is the core of problem. And if my sister finds about all of this she'll try to take my daughter to keep her away from this toxic environment. And Levi will kill me for that." Beau spoke as he wiped some sweat off his face with his shirt. 

Holy fucking shit. Why does he look so good.

"Levi is still not over (y/n)'s miscarriage to be honest." Mikasa spoke. "But I think it will be hard for you at first without your sister's help. Or someone's help as a matter of fact." 

Just then, a crazy idea hit her. It was an idea she could have gotten away with if she hadn't had the intention of mouthing, but she spoke before she could think.

"I can help you! Most of my classes are afternoon ones!" She spoke as both of them slowed down their running with the intention of a small break.

"But you have to spend time with Eren too..." Beau said as he untied the messy bun that held his hair, only to re do it. Mikasa didn't know why she stared so bluntly at his actions and movements, as if he had put some kind of spell on her.

"What about Eren?" She playfully asked, even though she knew she shouldn't have used that tone.

"I don't know... What about Eren?! Isn't he your boyfriend or something?"

"It's fine, really." Not it wasn't. And it wouldn't be fine if she wasn't able to control herself around him in the future.

Yet, she chose to think straight for a second, or until their little running session was over. Then she'd have to go home, have a bath and lay in her bed for a thousand hours, trying to figure out what was that about your brother that had taken out the fire she felt around Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cue the angst.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyways thanks for reading, let me know your thoughts about this chapter and the story? Do you have any predictions for the future chapters?


	24. Please read vol2

Okay inhale, exhale, you can do this...

 

So, hello guys. Is anybody reading this, or my story nowadays? I'm pretty sure the answer is no, but I'll just post this little notice in case there's a pair of eyes that's reading those lines of my stupidity.

It's been a while since I got any feedback on this story and I can't realise if this is because it's bad. I don't think it's bad. I'm confident in this story most of the time. I'm always confident and happy when I post a new chapter because I'm sure that someone out there will enjoy it and let me know

Unfortunately lately I haven't been getting any feedback not only on this story but also on my writing blogs on Tumblr or on my art so when i posted the new chapter on this as a warm up I was sure people were going to like it and that i would finally get to hear a 'good job evie' but I didn't.

 

It's been months since I first asked people what they would want to see in my story but I didn't get any response to that either. At first I thought I'd delete this story. Or that I would leave and never come back to finish it but I'm not like that...

 

I want to come down to this though **do you guys want me to go on with this story or not.**

I'm pretty sure I'm so tiring.. I feel like I'm so tiring but saying all this but I only started writing because I wanted people in the fandom to have more work to read, so it's natural for my fellow fandom Mayes to decide whether they want this continue or not.

Three not a day that passes by that I'm not grateful for every single comment I've gotten from this community and you should know it. I'm not greedy for feedback. I just want to know if I'm doing a good job or not. Again I'm really grateful for everything this community has offered me because I'm not even supported by the people who are close to me.


	25. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pfff, I just tried to find some spelling and typing mistakes and fixed them but I'm sure I've missed a lot of them still... Please excuse this..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after your very supportive messages I decided to post this chapter that I had written while back.
> 
> There's a lot happening way too fast. And honestly I hadn't even expected this to take this direction

"Hey"

The soft whisper of a voice that filled the room came out of your mouth in an effort to get him to talk to you. You felt nervous; especially when you saw him shifting around, you felt as if your heart was going to burst out of your chest, but he seemed calmed and relaxed in contrast to you.

"Hey" his voice sounded as monotone as always but his hands reached out to you, to pull you closer to his chest. "I figured you want to cuddle."

You choked on your words. Your voice didn't want to come out in fear of you ruining a rare good moment between him and you. You didn't even know how to talk to him, especially in a way that wouldn't make him mad.

"What's going on with us lately?" You spoke fast and loud, breaking the peaceful silence in the room. "Be honest."

It hit him like a bomb. Out of all the times he had imagined this conversation to take place at, it had to happen now. He wasn't sure if he could tell you the truth, or if he could tell you what was going on in the part of his life that didn't have to do with you. Nevertheless the only things that motivated him to give you an answer and not turn his back on you and sleep was because you were always honest.

"I had told you about Petra coming to work with us again."

"Mhm"

"I found out that she bringing her child at our daycare" Levi pinched his nose as he spoke, sighing heavily. "The kid can't be more than three and as far as I'm concerned I was with her at that time." 

He paused for a second, expecting some sort of reaction from you. He felt as if he had dropped a bomb, as if he had shot your relationship in the heart and yet you just blinked your eyes at him in total calmness.

"I've been spending some time with her and the little one. I never wanted to be the father that left his child, just like mine did. And it's not too late."

"Have you done a DNA test, at least?" 

"Petra insists on that but I'm sure this child is mine."

"So what does that mean for us? You sighed, without even daring to look at him. "And for how long had this been going on?"

"I'm trying to be your man while also trying to be the father of woman's child" 

Silence filled the room as the two of you didn't dare to say a word to each other. Momentarily you thought about calling Jean. You'd wait until Levi fell asleep and you'd call Jean to get you and then you'd fix everything between the two of you, while letting Levi be the father of his child. You felt so guilty. Guilty you wanted to call Jean when the reason why you lost Levi's child was because you wanted to go see him.

"You don't have to try to be both"

Levi's eyes widened at your words. He didn't need to think twice to understand what you meant. Suddenly he felt as if he was the one who was shot in the heart. At the moment he was sure he was probably going to lose you. And it's kill him to know that it wouldn't be death that'd take you from him, but his own self who pushed you away.

"Sleep tight Levi." You barely whispered as you turned your back away from him, wiggling your way out of his arms. Your eyes traveled to your phone as your mind couldn't even try to process everything that you had just been told. You'd only have to wait until Levi was asleep.

_______________

Your heart was tearing apart. You weren't sure why, but Jean was crying with you. The scene would be printed in your mind until the day you died, you leaning against Jean's shoulder and him doing the same thing, his car parked somewhere really far away from Levi's street and the rain pouring hard on the outside.

Everything was silent; Jean wouldn't bother turn up the music when you were like that. The only sounds were the occasional cars passing by, the sound of rain and of course some muffled sobs that would escape you here and there.

"Please stop crying. Hearing you cry makes me want to die a horrible death." Jean said, even though he knew his words would be in vain. With him you were allowed to be hurt and vulnerable. You were allowed to show how much Levi had hurt you.

"Is it my fault?" 

"What? Why would it be your fault (y/n)? You didn't do anything wrong?" Jean tried to reason you as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, forcing you, in a way, to look at him.

"I choose to come see you that night. I lost Levi's child because I wanted to see you and now he's trying to be a father to someone else's child." Warm tears flooded your eyes as you spoke and you proceeded to wipe them with the back of your hand as Jean didn't have any sort of wipes in his care, just as always.

"I don't think... Well look it wasn't your choice to lose that kid... It wasn't Marco's choice to die... You were just coming to see me for my birthday. You shouldn't feel responsible for that. I'm finally past the stage where I blame my self for everything, but clearly you're not. I can't see you like that. You helped me and I'll help you too..."

You only cried more at his words. You were unable to understand the reason as to why this was happening to you, but you set all your hopes on Jean to help you see the light in the dark.

"It's not your fault Levi's acting like that. And on one hand I understand that he might have wanted to be a father really bad. That night when your father was at the hospital, when Levi was first told he was going to be a father he was literally beaming. Even Mikasa said she'd never seen him being that happy. So maybe he's trying to project whatever he lost on Petra's child. We can't know for sure it his, so that's the only thing that should make you feel a bit better. Because of it's not his he's just made the worst mistake of his life for doing this to you. I know first hand."

It wasn't in Jean's nature to talk that much, especially at these situations, but his words pulled at your heartstrings in the worst way possible.

"How can you endure this never ending pain and always look like there's nothing going on inside you?" Jean's hand came to intertwine with yours in such a soothing manner.

"I taught myself how."

_____________

Levi would be lying if he said he didn't expect this. He had fallen asleep for five minutes before his thoughts woke him up again. He shouldn't pretend to feel  hurt or surprised when he knew all along that something like this would happen. You had every right to want to run away and he shouldn't be in pain for that but he could feel an unbearable pain in his chest.

After what seemed like hours he got up from the -now- very uncomfortable and rather cold bed he was laying on. He silently walked to the bathroom in an attempt to proceed with his morning routine. He usually hated showering in the morning, because there was no point in bathing before all the filthy every day tasks began, but he had never felt dirtier on a morning.

The hot water that run over him seemed to reason him in the slightest bit. He didn't have to run after you like some school boy  because you'd reason yourself and come back to him. You'd matured a lot after your accident so the only thing he had to be worried of were your whereabouts.

He didn't usually text, but he decided to leave a short message to your number to let you know he cared. Then, after leaving his phone on the kitchen counter he went on with having his morning tea.

   **Where are you? Please come back home**

____________

"Don't answer. If he cared he'd be after you (y/n)." Jean voiced out and Reiner nodded his head at his words. 

Your group of friends had always been hanging around Reiner's in the mornings and Jean and you didn't really think about that when you drove there to get some morning coffee. Everyone was shook with your current image; bloodshot eyes and dark circles, dehydrated white lips and the most tired look on your face. Not to miss that Sasha pointed out that you were still in your favorite pyjama shorts and a hooded jacket.

Explaining wasn't the easiest thing, but with Jean's help you had been able to go through most of the things that had happened. There were a lot of offers for help and Sasha even offered to let you stay at her place, but you declined. You couldn't stay at her house when her wedding was only on a few days. 

You settled down to staying with Jean. Not everyone thoughts it was a good idea, but you assured them that you were trying to make your love life a worse mess than it already was. 

"I would suggest talking to him a bit more about this though..." Connie said in a quiet voice. "I mean, I never thought you'd guys end like that. But you have that habit of running away. Don't get offended please. It's just the truth."

"I know" you said and your hand went to wipe a tear away from the corner of your eye. Connie was right, you were running away and there was nothing that made you feel worse at the moment. "I can't deal with this Connie."

"But if she stayed.." Eren coughed up "if she stayed she be more hurt, eventually. She's protecting her self." Mikasa nodded at Eren's words, without trying to add something else. "I'm with you, obviously, so don't blame yourself for anything. Jean's right. You deserve more than this (y/n). We won't pushed you with more questions though..."

"Yes! Let's talk about Sasha's wedding!" Christa cheered while she softy rubbed your upper arm, as to tell you things were going to be okay.

 

________________

 

Pacing back and forth wasn't actually the best thing he could do to deal with what was in his mind, but Reiner couldn't think he could stop.

It was guilt that fogged his mind, making him unable to think of anything else than that accident. The grief upon his friends was a weight to him, a weight he had been carrying for months now.

He should have fixed Marco's bike. He couldn't help but feel he had taken part to whatever was happening to you now. 

Reiner would never forgive himself for that, for not finding some time to help Marco with his motorbike. He knew Marco was constantly using his motorbike and not his parents' car and he should have helped him fix it. 

Instead he had told him to be careful with the tire and not to drive over the speed limit. 

He couldn't help but feel responsible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this!
> 
> And ugh I still don't know if reader will end up with Levi or Jean :(
> 
> As you know feedback is always appreciated


	26. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been writing this since February and i finally believe that this chapter is well written and ready to be published.

Two months had passed rather quickly since the day you left Levi. It was mid October by the time and as usually this this time of the year was when the weather in Trost started to get cold. Luckily the recent forecasts said that snow wouldn't be coming around the corner until November.

It had been a tremendous week. With Sasha's wedding around the corner a lot of stress was bottle up in you, causing you loss of sleep and extreme sickeness, especially in the morning. Jean had been the one to suggest a blood test to see if you needed food extracts or some sort of vitamins to keep you going. The doctor had made a call earlier in the morning, asking you if you had any spare time to visit his office, so he could explain a few things to you. Gladly and anxiously you agreed on meeting him in a couple of hours before you hang the phone.

"Okay, so he didn't say anything more than that?" Mikasa spoke as she sipped a bit of her bitter coffee.

"No! Just that he wanted to inform me about certain things." You said, avoiding eye contact with her through the mirror.

"I suppose it's not something serious, sweetie. And even if he is bad and I and everyone else is here for you!" Your brother spoke as he took a grip of Mikasa's hand.

You felt trapped in the backseat of his car for the first time in ages. Your mind was filled with all sorts of things that had happened through these days. Your brother and Mikasa announcing that they are together and that he's getting divorced. Sasha's break downs due to her fearing that her father wouldn't come to her wedding, and therefore he still wouldn't be accepting her. Your relationship with Jean that was probably getting more intimate than it should, once again. And now your anxiety about whatever it was that you had was killing you.

"I'll be fine Beau. I promise." You said, and somehow you knew that this probably was a lie. You were anxious and you wanted to scream at the top of your lungs for dear life because you hated visiting doctor's ever since your accident. With a quick look at Mikasa and your brother though, you tried to swallow the painful lamp that had gathered in your throat and smiled faintly. 

"We can come with you if you want to" Mikasa's face lit up as well with a sweet and caring smile. You were unsure as to why or how Mikasa was able to form a smile when her lips seeing that she had never done it before. Not in front of you at least. Maybe it was the impact that ball of sunshine you called your brother had on her. Nonetheless you let the caring smile sooth you as you gratefully accepted the offer.

________________

You were greeted by the doctor's personal assistant and her witty smile as soon as you walked in. The doctor's office smelled a tad different from the last time you'd been here.  You mentally noted that with this new fragrance it didn't smell as horribly as hopitals and in a way that made you feel a bit more comfortable. 

"How are you today Miss (y/n)?" The assistant asked and you were startled for an instant because you didn't know her name to give an answer as polite as you wanted it to be. You didn't have much to say though, now that you were thinking about it so a simple:  
      "I'm doing a little worse than last week I suppose." Should do the job of describing how you were.

"We were waiting for you actually, the doctor will see you now."

"A lot of people are waiting though" your brother remarked as he took a glimpse of the all the people sitting in the comfortable looking waiting room, before turn on his heel and walking behind you and the assistant along with Mikasa.

"We give priority to cases like the young lady's" the assistant smiled before opening the door to the doctor's office. Instantly you were greeted with a kind and welcoming smile on your doctor's face. You took a sit at the soft and comfortable leather chairs that stood before his dark colored office table that was neatly adorned with leather as well. You kept the design in the back of your mind; everything in this clinic was designed by Levi. Erwin would always trust Levi with projects as big as this.

"...Please sir take a sit as well!" Your trail of thought was cut off as the doctor's words shook you back to reality. "You must be the father I assume"

"The father?" Mikasa's eyes squinted open as the words left her mouth. Her panic though lasted for about two solid seconds before she realised what the situation was. She was extremely smart, and by seeing the look on your face she was sure you had no idea what was going on. Her dark eyes met your brother's green ones, wanting to show him that the two of them should be there for you right now.

"No no, I'm her brother" your brother coughed and came up behind you, to slightly rest the palms of his hands on your shoulders in an act of comforting.

"I wish the father was here too so we could congratulate him on your pregnancy."

"My what?"

The world started spinning around you and your vision was getting black little by little. You were supposed to carry on on your own, you'd be forced to raise your kid alone. Things between you and Jean had been progressing smoothly lately but now that was damned to hell too. Levi's face was the last thing that came to your mind though before it all turned black.

____________

Jean's ash brown hair was the first thing you saw when your eyes opened. You weren't sure how long you'd been out for, or why you were still Jean's and not at your bother's place, but you were glad that Jean was here.

"You're awake! I was so scared that we'd have to take you to a hospital again." Jean smiled at you, a genuine happiness was spread all over his face. "I couldn't bear to have you in a comma again"

"No, I... I'm just..., I don't know how to say this without hurting you and what we've been doing for the last two months."

"You're pregnant, I know. It's fine though it doesn't hurt me. You already lost one and I'd be damned to say that an upcoming life wouldn't bring joy, even to me." Jeans were glowing as he spoke those words, filling you with certainty and hope. You were lucky enough you still had him by your side.

"Levi deserves to know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and I'm sorry for the long wait. Please share your thoughts about this chapter<3


	27. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I obviously have to accept I can finish one chapter in a month

The last time Levi saw you was in Sasha's wedding. You were wearing a nice red dress, picked by Sasha as he assumed since you were her maid of honor after all. He remembered he had contemplated on whether not to go, but as he had decided while being forced mostly by Mikasa and Erwin he went to congratulate the couple of your friends.

He had been pretty busy ever since. Sadness and regret was filling his everyday life as he would often reminisce better time with you. He couldn't sleep, he don't have any appetite, but he had no reason to starve himself because of your absence. It wasn't the first time he had lost someone in his life after all, he knew what he had to do to get better.

Petra wasn't a good addition at this point in his life, he figured. She had gone into depths to convince him to take a DNA test, to see that the child wasn't his. As much as she had said she wanted him in her life, she had asked for space and for him to find his inner  peace. She said he wasn't the same ever since you left. 

And maybe she was right.

______

Months pass quickly and before Levi can figure it out it's mid November. It's been a long day at work and currently he's waiting for Erwin to come and let him know about the work plan he had submitted at the beginning of the week.

As he set his pen down, he decided to quickly check his incoming e-mails, seeing his was expecting an email from the French company Erwin had made ties with. His eyes flickered at the screen when he saw something he had not suspected to see.

It's an email from you. There's something attached with it, probably a video as he suspects, because the megabytes of this thing give out it's probably too big to be a single picture. He contemplated on whether to open it or not for a good amount of time before he heard a knock on his door.

"Leviiii"

"Get lost Hange" 

"Erwin sent me" the brunette grinned with enthusiasm as her head was poking from the half opened door.

"I don't want to hear it from you" he grunted. He couldn't help thinking about you and that stupid email as he let his head sink in the palms of his hands, in pure anger and desperation.

"Whoah there shortie, what's wrong!" Hange sprinted to his direction after shutting the door closed behind her just to make sure no sound would come out of the office. 

"Leave me the fuck alone Hange." He spoke in an unnatural tone, yet the brunette wouldn't have any of that. She knew Levi for too long to accept this kind of behavior.

"Open up Levi or I'll start screaming"

"You're going to start screaming either way Hange and I don't want any of that."

"Is it about (y/n)?"

_________

"Oh my god look how bumpy you are (y/n)!" Sasha screamed upon looking at you the moment she entered Reiner's cafe. "Guys you didn't even sent me photos of that!"

"You were on your honeymoon Sasha." Reiner remarked as you were still bubbling with laughter from your friend's comment. 

"Plus Jean is the one responsible for taking pictures." You laughed.

"I call bullshit on that! I love your bumpy belly, how's my boy doing in there?" Sasha changed her tone as she lowered her self and stuck her head on your belly. "It's auntie Sasha baby, how are you doing?"

"Is he kicking?" Reiner asked with enthusiasm from behind the counter. "Sasha your regular order right? 

"No, not today really." You responded at the same time Sasha nodded at Reiner. You already had your meal in front of you but you had paused as Sasha had arrived.

"He even started kicking? Man I've missed so many things! It's like the next thing you're going to say is that you figured out a name."

You didn't know how to respond to that. There had been many thoughts running through your mind ever since you were announced you were expecting a son. Especially when it came to naming him. You remembered talking about this on one of the videos you had sent Levi but upon not getting a response you were still indecisive about the name.

 

"No Sasha. The baby kicking is the only thing that has changed." You sighed deeply. Sasha's gaze was fixed in you, adorned with sadness and what you convinced your self was pitty.

"So Levi hasn't answered any of your emails yet? Have you tried texting? Or calling?"

"I have Sasha. His phone number was out of order for a long while and now there's someone else who owns it. He doesn't use social media. The only thing I know is that he is probably in France by now."

You could feel Reiner looking at you from behind the counter all the while he was putting Sasha's order together, watching you in silent consideration. It was true he had been the one -along with Jean- helping you the most throughout this hard time. Reiner had stocked your apartment with enough diapers and baby wipes to last you a year and Jean would buy you other very necessary baby products such as clothes and pacifiers and many toys here and there. 

"You're lucky you have Jean, most girls' exes don't even want to see them, and raising a child with your ex? That's kinda crazy."

Jean had decided he would take responsibility of helping you raise the child since Levi was no where in the picture. It didn't matter if you had a relationship in the past; ever since you figured out about your son you and him had stopped fooling around. You couldn't say you were in a relationship, and Jean had never introduced himself as the baby's father, but he was there for you. If your baby thought Jean was his dad it wouldn't even bother you anymore.

"I still want Levi to be around you know? I know he'd be a lovely father"

"(Y/n)..." Sasha's tone sounded harsh as she called your name. "You even said yourself that for the last seven months or so he hasn't even made an effort to contact you. He's ghosted you, I know that he is the father of your child and this will always be a part of you, but it'd be better if we completely stop referring to him."

Sasha was right. No more emailing Levi, no more referring to him.

_________

Levi could say he regretted never opening your emails. You had stopped trying to contact him after New year's and if he wanted to be honest with himself, he kind of had expected this. 

He had wanted to respond but in a way his mind would think that whatever was in those emails he didn't really want to know. He feared that it would keep him away from finishing his business in France. Though once in a while he would think about you, he eventually decided against contacting you. He knew though that one of these days he'd open your emails. Maybe for once in his life he could have a proper closure to a relationship and- 

"Snap out of it brat!"

Levi blinked at the hearing of the sudden comment and shook his head in hopes that would cute off his thoughts. Nonetheless he wasn't even surprised by the perosn this voice belonged to, even if he hadn't seen him in years.

"Kenny."

"I'm surprised you're not in jail yet Levi." Levi swore he rolled his eyes even if he tried to avoid doing it. He hadn't seen Kenny in more than twenty years and he honestly didn't want any of his remarks.

"I'm in no mood for your shit Kenny, I just want to get this thing over with. I really want this property since it was my mother's and since neither am I or you in any place to go to court we have to figure this out."

Kenny smiled as Levi finished his sentence. He sure would love to make Levi suffer a bit.


	28. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what this actually is, but I'll explain details in the nexts chapters... Please have the heartbreak ™ for now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also... I'm finishing this story and I got a new one in mind. I promise my updates will be weekly <3

"He's such a pretty child (y/n). I hope he's forever healthy." Hange looked extremely happy as she held your son in her arms. You'd never seen her interact with kids this small, but she was doing extremely well so far. She was quiet and she didn't talk that much, because she was afraid of destroying the peaceful and beautiful environment you had created for your baby.

"You're naming him after your father?"

"Yes. I can't think of any other name that could suit him actually. I'd never want to name my children after my parents but that name really, really suits him."

Erwin smiled as he looked at your son. Even in this tender and early age he could see the striking resemblance the boy had to his father. Dark chocolate locks and steel grey eyes. He was a sweet and queit little baby who cooed in his mother's embrace all the time. Erwin often imagined what it'd be like with Levi in the picture and he felt bittersweet about it. He had offered to support you financially as much as he could but you had assured him that everything would be fine. Connie was finishing college with a major in preschool education; he has said he'd be glad to watch over your little one because it would also help him gain some experience.

"Shouldn't Jean be here?" Hange quietly remarked as she held your little baby on her arms and rocked him back and forth.

"His mother had to go to the hospital because lately she's not really that good. I promised I'll be fine. My brother is always one call away."

"So are we, and all your friends." 

"I know" you nodded and gave out a tired smile. "These months could have been hard but I never missed out on anything." Erwin smiled at you as he got up from his comfortable seat on your couch. He admired your inner strength and the way you chose to mask that pain that Levi has caused you when he ghosted you for the sake of your little one. "I still want you to work with us (y/n). Our daycare services started working last month. It's going to be really handy." 

You proceeded to kindly thank Erwin for his offer, although you couldn't just leave your baby yet. It felt weird. It felt weird because for some strange way you didn't want your baby to stay with someone else. His father had abandoned him without even knowing about his existence and for some reason to leave your child to day are services while you worked sounded as some type of abandonment too. Maybe you were drowning in insecurities and maybe you were crazy to think like that but you couldn't let your son to be alone. He only had you in this world.

______________

A loud knock on your apartment door woke both you and your baby up. A loud cry filled the room as your kid started whipping in his crib, mournimg the loss of his precious sleep. You were quick to jump out of your bed and throw on a robe before taking him in your arms and as expected, he immediately stopped crying.

In your sleepy and tired state you could only curse, angrily, under your breath at whom you thought was on the door. Jean had probably left his keys anywhere and lost them and here he was, knocking on your door in the middle of the fucking night, just like many other times.

"I sweet I'm going to kill you Jean. I've told you so many fucking times that the baby is sleeping at this time. Take your fucking keys because there's a fucking baby stuff this hous-"

A high pitched scream left your mouth as you finally encountered the person behind your door step. Your eyes were going to pop off of your skull any minute, and you momentarily thanked any good out there that you didn't drop your baby at the sight. In the midst of your reaction, you closed the door and opened it again, thinking that it was your mind playing games with you because why on Earth was Levi at your doorstep. At this time. 

But no. Your mind wasn't playing games. It was him. His eyes were bloodshot red while dark, purple, circles were accessorizing them. His hair was unshaveled and messy and his lips dry; He looked as if he had just had a breakdown. And yet his eyes wouldn't even blink as the looked at you. Wide and shoked. 

His grey irises we're going back and forth between you and and the baby in your arms and his heart was ready to burst inside his chest because how could he have been so ignorant. How could he have ignored all your efforts for communication? How could he be so selfish and take a job opportunity in France and leaving you. Why did he have to ruin everything in his life to a point of no return? His thoughts brought him to his knees, they made him want to rip his hair out of his skull and cry like a mad man into eternity. 

"I don't know what to say, but please don't cry. Come in." You uttered while feeling a painful lamp in your throat and tears forming in your eyes. This had to be a dream because Levi wouldn't show up at your door right? And you were kind enough to let him in while he was crying with heart breaking sobs instead of closing your door on him and shutting him away from you.

"I'm sorry I made you scream, I just, I just wanted to see you. I didn't even look at the time, I'm sorry. I just came back from France. I changed... I just... I don't know why I ignored you but I'm such a fucking dick." He sobbed. He sobbed and you swore your heart broke in half as you heard him and you didn't know what else to do than start crying as well. Baby or not in your arms, you were shocked to actually see him after this long. After everything that had happened and you couldn't hold it in.

"I didn't even know what to do and I tried to contact you but i never got an answer. I didn't want you out of our son's life, I didn't want to be away from you and I kept sending things every month, hoping that you'd read them and send something or call. I couldn't deal with having your child when you weren't around. Not when I knew what happened when I lost our other baby in the accident." 

Words left your mouth like vomit and tears poured our of your eyes like rivers as you puted your feelings for the first time in months. Your head was spinning because you were crying so hard; there was a fire in your gut that wasn't going to be put out that easily, seeing that you were filled with pain.

Nevertheless, your baby didn't seem to mind anything that was happening at the moment. His eyes had closed as he was in a peaceful slumber state, sucking on his navy blue pacifier, a gift that Reiner had thought was really suiting to most of his clothes. 

"I-im going to put him in his crib and I'll be b-back..."

Levi nodded but didn't dare lift his head to look at you. Shame rushed all over him and momentarily he thought that he was the worst person ever because not only did he do all the things he did to you, but he came back and made you cry rivers at a really late hour. Honestly in his mind he was the worst, once again.

"I'm sorry I cried like that, Levi. I never expected to see you actually." There was still a faint sob hidden in between your words and you hoped he didn't notice. You were so valnerable in his eyes, as always, but you know he didn't want to see you crying. "Please look me in the eyes as I tell you this..." Steel great eyes met yours in desperation. His insides hurt to see your own eyes red and puffy but he had to take it. 

"As much as I'd love to talk about this in the morning I know I'm not going to sleep tonight. I want to talk about everything and figure this out with you. It hurts me to see you having a breakdown. It hurts me to know your probably beating yourself. But we are here, now and I really want you and me to take responsibility for our actions." 

Levi stared at you as if you weren't even speaking the same language as him. You seemed to have grown up mentally since the last time he talked to you, that night when he went to sleep and woke up without you by his side. Yet you assured him that this time you'd hear his side of the story and then you'd tell yours. Because you were all ears for someone you didn't want to walk out of your life again.

"Well, my side of the story I guess is that I got kinda crazy. You lost our child and almost died along with Marco last year and I promised myself to take care of you. I couldn't even count the times I got jealous and mad at Jean hanging out with you. I should have been patient with the boy. And yet I acted so bad. I then convinced myself that somehow I was certainly involved with Petra's child. She didn't even remember who the father was she had informed me and somehow i lost myself in between trying to keep up with all those standards I had for myself. I wanted to be the best man for you and I wanted to be sure good father. Then you left." 

A faint sob escaped both of you at that with the exception that his eyes started watering at whatever he had to say next.

"Then you left and I honestly didn't know how to even cover that gap. I wasn't that kid's father. I had lost you and I didn't want to be back in your life and make you miserable again. I went to France to take care of my mother's property issues with my uncle and to materialize a very compromising business deal that Erwin was dying to seal. I ignored your emails, youe texts, anything that reminded me of you so I could forget you but it didn't work. I don't even know how I managed to do that."

 

It was interesting and heartbreaking at the same time to hear his side of the same story that you had lived in but that didn't t discourage you from trying to speak up and say what had happened from your side. He had to know. You were mature enough to take responsibility on your behalf for leaving him asking for him to do the same in return.

"I still love you and it's really hard for me to think about what I should do. But I missed sleeping close to you and that's all I want to do. So can we please pretend to forget about everything just for a few hours? I don't care if that's not what I'm supposed to do or not, but can we please make that exception for a few hours?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who's still reading this and thank you if you've ever left any comments or thinking of commenting. It means a very, very lot.  
> Also a huge thanks to anyone who's been reading this from the beginning
> 
> Oh oh! I post snk x reader fake texts on my Tumblr @jean-does-not-have-a-horseface so if you want to check that out and leave some requests I'm in!


	29. Chapter 27

The first rays of sunshine broke through the window and into your bedroom not so long after you had found yourself falling into sleep's -and Levi's- tight embrace. A small cry that quickly escaped your little baby as the light disturbed his peaceful slumber was what made you open your eyes. It was time to get up, to feed the little one but despite all your efforts to get up, Levi, who was still unconscious, kept holding you down in his arms with so much force, that you found yourself unable to oppose to him.

"Hey, Levi, the baby woke up and I need to feed him" you whispered and noticed as his eyelids started slowly opening, revealing his blueish grey orbs.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine." 

You couldn't do anything but stare at him as you got up to reach for your son, avoiding to set your gaze on anything else than him. Levi was quick to get up right after you, following you suit to the crib, curious as to what his son looked like. Last night he didn't get to see him much with everything that happened, and all he wanted was his son's face curved in his brain until the day he died.

"He looks like me."

"He looks too much like you, Levi." You sighed. With soft movements you took him in your arms and craddled him as you asked for Levi to set a changing pad on your bed. "He's peed so much! Ugh Kurt why can't you cry once you pee so I know?"

Levi looked at you startled once you uttered the boy's name; he didn't know what he expected to be honest. Of course you had given a name to him. He had left you and naturally you had concluded that he wasn't coming back so he didn't, obviously, have a saying you his child's name. And yet he spoke up.

"You named him?"

A slamming sound that startled you the moment you began uttering the start of your answer made both you and Levi turn your heads in it's direction. "Hell yeah she named him. I didn't know we had to wait for your Majesty to appear to name the kid."

"Jean!" 

Levi's grey eyes bored into Jean's furious hazel orbs as the brunet male spoke his part. There was so much violent tention in the air, as Jean felt his blood boil inside his veins. Nothing you would say was going to stop him either. You could only imagine that seeing you with Levi, after everything that happened only made him mad. Mad because you knew he thought this was unfair for you. Unfair for your little one.

"Why are you here now huh?" Jean shouted as he took quick steps towards Levi's direction. All he wanted to do was throw a really hard punch at the man, even though this probably wouldn't hurt half the way you had hurt over these last months. All he wanted to do was throw a punch on Levi because he couldn't just come into your life and wreck you, take you and the baby away from him. And so, he did.

Although, as he figured, it was a pretty bad idea. As long as he recovered from the sudden hit, Levi, who stood as silent as ever, grabbed Jean by the collar and dragged him to the nearest wall, where he pinned him. Jean felt numbing pain spring from his back and the back of his head as Levi stared at him silently, rage pouring out of his whole existence.

"I didn't do anything to deserve this, Levi. You needed that punch though."

"Why? Because I'm here?" 

"No! Because you weren't here! I can't let you enter her life like that. Where were you when she couldn't stop crying. Where were you when she had cravings, when she was in pain. When she couldn't sleep? And when she cried over you? How can you be here now and pretend it's fine." 

His tone was low and filled with hissesdue to the pain he was enduring, but that wasn't going to stop Jean from speaking his mind. He noticed how Levi's irishes flickered, how his bottom lip trembled and how his jaw tightened with every word he was uttering. He noticed that you had tear filled eyes as you held your baby close to your body in your effort to keep him calm. There's wasn't any point in fighting, Jean thought, but at the same time he wanted to ring bells of shame for Levi, he wanted to break that courage Levi had mastered up to come here, but he simply wouldn't do that. 

Levi's grip on Jean's collar loose in a matter of seconds; he didn't feel as if his body was strong enough to cause damage or perform any sort of violence. He only felt numb and heartbroken. 

"Jean, let him be. It doesn't matter. Look, we all make mistakes and the truth is I really can't blame Levi for anything. His life has been so fucked up and her he's still able to sleep at night, he carries himself with all of this on his shoulders." 

Levi's orbs still flickered while his gaze was set on you. He was aware that you weren't going to go into details about his early life just as much as that you didn't pity him. The tone of your voice, the tender side to it, just made him want to hide. Because who could ever forgive and forget about situations similar to yours. Who could ever love someone like him and still root for him after everything? He was in no place to demand anything and yet you spoke of him in a tender manner.

"I can't tell you not to hold him and I can't tell you to go away, Levi. I don't want to. And Jean, it's so hard for me to just tell Levi to go away. I hope you understand." 

You couldn't bring yourself to look at him as you spoke because he had done so much for you. He had loved you to no ends; you and the baby had been safe mostly because of him and probably this was no way of behaving towards someone like him. In your mind he had every right to be angry and he had every right to feel betrayed or feeling like he never wanted to see you again.

"This is how it fucking is huh? The moment he's back in your life I'm out? Was he the one who held your hand while you were giving birth? Or was has he ever bought anything for this baby? Is he the one trying to balance everything in his life just for you and the baby to never lack of anything? No." 

You heard the trembling in his voice and his was right, but you still didn't even know what would be the right thing to do.

__________

 

Levi prayed to any god like being that would never forget the first time he got to hold his son in his embrace, not even after he died. It was clearly the most astounding moment of his entire life and there was nothing that could probably come close to even be able to compare to it. He wondered if that was what his mother felt when she held him for the first time; that overwhelming happiness that made him want to cry and laugh and never let him go at the same time. There was this beautiful, fuzzy warmth that came from his son's small body that he didn't want to let go of, he wanted to protect this little being until the end of his days and even after that, to never let anything harm him. 

He felt shame and sadness wash over him because he hadn't been there for you since the beginning and he probably couldn't make up for all the lost time but he'd be damned if he let anything happen to his son, and you, who brought to life that amazing little bundle of happiness. Nothing of his past mattered to him anymore. Not that had to kill humans to survive, not that he had lost his way, way too many times. His mothered died, his uncle's upbringing was horrible and all his friends died too, yet if a man whose hands were dirty like that could hold a baby in such tender way then anything in this world was possible.

You probably hadn't even realised how big this moment was for Levi as you shoved the baby with rush in his arms to go after Jean, and he could hear some shouting going on in the background but he couldn't even move an inch as his little son cooed in his arms, a little smile covering his sleeping face.

"How can you sleep through all of this, baby?" Levi cooed just like his son and decided he was going to kiss the baby's chubby cheek. "You're so pure for this world."

 

"I'm sorry I left like that" 

Levi's head turned to the direction of the sound of your voice, only to see you in a disheveled appearance, probably because of all the running. Your eyes were startled; probably due to coming in to see Kurt holding Levi's finger and Levi smiling like an utter idiot while softly rocking his body left and right.

"It's fine. I got to spend time with this little guy here." 

"Ah" you sighed and crossed your arms around your torso "he's like the little copy of you! did this kid even come out of me? It's so unfair."

Levi only smiled dorkily at that. You only wondered why did all of this had to happen and why did you have to miss out on Levi being such a cute dork and out of his stoic shell. The baby seemed way to fond of his father; he even began showing signs of discomfort and even cried once you attempted to take him in your arms and honestly that made you really fucking happy.

"I'm sorry I didn't ask to hold him, I was too startled when I saw him last night."

"It's alright Lee. Though! Please break this spell you casted in our son because he needs to eat and he just cried because I took him away from you."

Levi only smiled at this and set his gaze on the baby once again. This time his big, round grey eyes staring back at Levi's similar colored ones, and at the moment Levi couldn't be bothered with anything else. 

"I'm never going to leave you again"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I'm getting closer to the end I want to say that I'm thankful for all the feedback I've ever gotten. 
> 
> If you enjoyed this chapter please leave a comment. 
> 
> Also please tell me your thoughts on the story so far.
> 
> Ps. Please read my other stories too! You might find something you really like. Also for BTS fans I have something for you too!   
> Love you all and thanks for reading.


	30. Not my usual update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is the plot chapter of one of me new series! Please read if you enjoy my works and if you like it give it a try! I've already posted it on its own and I'm going to update it really soon!

"I fucking hate him, I am not going back there. Not even in a million years." You cry out loud as both Hange and Isabel stare at you in sadness. Expressing your distress to go to the basement isn't a first, but in this case they can't help but understand you. "He had the nerve to not even apologise."

"(Y/n), Levi is in denail about a lot of stuff in his life. He won't apologise anytime soon if that's what you want to hear. Especially when he thinks he's doing the right thing" Isabel tries to comfort you the best way she can. She knows well that you need it; as much as she loves Levi like an older brother she reckognises when he was in the wrong and she isnt't afraid to pick sides.

Hange hasn't uttered a word in a bout half an hour or so. She is shook in all honestly as it only must have been a month ago when she helped you and Levi to make up again. She can't even think of a way as to how Levi would do something like that. How he would be so out of character when drunk, enough to marry a striper. At Vegas. 

"...I mean, who marries a striper!" Isabel sighes, locking the brunette out of her trail of throughts. "Right Hange?"

"Anyone who can Isabel. That's who!" Hange laughes at her own response as she finds it is a somehow hilarious comment that could probably make you smile a little. It's not though, she realises once she sees a new wave of tears flooding your bloodshot eyes and she profoundly apologises over and over again.

__

"Man it's so cool to have a striper as your wife." A long sigh of relief comes out of Levi as he leans back into his chair, momentarily closing his eyes and letting his mouth curl up to a small smile.

"Levi are you sure this is you speaking?" Mike comments with a tone of uncertainty. It is unsual to see Levi act like that, and even more unsual to see him smiling.

"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know" Erwin starts, gesturing to Mike that he was the one handling things from now on in this conversation. "You obviously acted like (y/n) stopped existing, went and married a striper and it's been a week that you haven't uttered any sort of cuss words at us."

"We're worried, in other words." Farlan adds. 

A can of beer cracking open is the only sound that can be heard in the room for no more than a minute. Levi takes a big sip, movea it around his mouth for a second and then swallows, finally being able to come up with an answer. 

"Well don't be. I'm perfectly fine. That's the lifestyle I'm supposed to live and I don't even know how I let (y/n), a bossy brat, try to change this fact."

"(Y/n)'s not a bossy brat. She genuinely cared about you. Hell she even found a job for you"

"Yeah and that's why I quit that job."

Erwin sighs and burries his head between his palms at this, unable to believe whatever comes out of Levi's mouth. "Just how stupid are you exactly?"


	31. Not my usual update it 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last dialogue was inspired by ask-secretrivamika 's art (she's on Tumblr) 
> 
> Anyways, this another plot chapter although this is long af. I hope you enjoy! Sorry for not being able to put notes in my stories, whenever I try to do that ao3 crashes. 
> 
> Also this is kinda nsfw-ish towards the end, hehe hope you enjoyyyyy
> 
> I also posted this on it own so give it some love if you like it

Erwin swears to himself that he's never going to mention military balls to Hange ever again. He contemplates on whether he's going to tell her to shut her mouth or dismiss her without going into further detail, because her over excitement is unbearable at the moment, while his head is throbbing in pain, but he knows that he has to put up with that for the time being.

"I can't bother to go there at this point but they insist on wanting at least one of the higher ups with his double one."

"And we're sending Levi? And I'm supposed to chose his plus one!" Hange exclaims excitedly and her eyes shine with happiness. It's been a while since she's given the chance to practice her matchmaking skills on anyone and she's so overwhelmed that Erwin is trusting her with this.

"Hange this is all about diplomacy. The Wall's been breached and now they invite us to the annual military ball." Hange suddenly stiffens as Erwin blinks his cold blue eyes into hers and she proceeds to simple nod as a response; she realises that it's indeed a serious matter of diplomacy for the Scouts so there's obviously no place for careless behaviors. There's not a single hint of that glorious excitement on her face anymore, even if that was written all over it some more seconds ago. 

"I'll go downtown with cadet (L/n) of Mike's squad tomorrow for her to chose a fit then sir. If you agree with my choice I might as well be dissmissed." 

"Very well Hange. Please also arrange that both Levi and miss (L/n) get the day after the ball off." Hange once again nods before she starts walking towards the door, and finally excusing herself as she takes her leave from the commander's room

________

 

"Hange no! I don't even know how to dance!"

"That's not an excuse you know."

Hange is basically dragging you through the barracks and towards your carriage at this point; it's always been obvious that she can't take no for as an answer but you're deeply worried about your squad leader and how's he's going to react to you slacking off the moment he sees you at his door, dressed in casual garments. You can almost hear him scolding you and telling you that you cannot go downtown and that, especially at the young of your age, you should not by any means miss training.

 

But no. He simply smiles and tell you you looks delightful and refreshed in your casual dress and waves you and Hange off, even telling you to have fun. Not long after receiving permission from your squad leader, Hange forces you into the carriage and you spent the next thirty minutes talking about the ball. Details on what you're expected to wear, on how you're expected to speak and who you're expected to speak to, as well as who you'll be accompanying.

You'd be lying of you said that you didn't feel some sort of happiness once you heard you'd be Levi's plus one but there was no way you could show that feeling. It's been months ever since the two of you did the uspeakable and as a matter of fact the two of you had decided against ever speaking about it again for various reasons. One of them beai g that both of you had had a bit of liquor in your bloodstream that night and bold decisions under such influence should be excused. Having the opportunity to accompany him to that ball though seemed really bright for you though, because you'd get to spend some more time with him outside the military life just like it had been up to a few months ago. 

 

"We're here! You're gonna love the lady who runs this store!" Hange exclaims and for the first time for today you smile at her and nod I agreement. Might as well pick something nice, you think and position yourself to step down of the carriage.

______

 

"Blue would be an excellent choice! I'll bring you more patters my dear!" 

You can't shake how nice this lady is and how patiently she's treating your demanding ass. She has sampled quite a few delicate cloths with extravagant colors and patterns on them and yet you seem to not be pleased with any of them, because the thought of your mother and her words always comes in your head. She's always told you that a girl of your class should avoid gowns with patterns and always opt for minimal pastel colored dresses, just like she always did.

"Perhaps you should show me those beautiful pastel shades there ma'am. I grew up in a farm, wearing patters, vibrant colors and saten dresses will make me look utterly ridiculous." You say, your tone lingering on the low because you are so embarrassed to have her go through such effort to find something that you, a hunter's daughter would like. 

"This shade looks so nice on you (Y/n)!"

(A/n → see the shade right here babes https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0250/5534/products/Nude_online_shop_grande.jpg?v=1530600828 )

"And the fabric is really nice too. Nothing too fancy!" Hange adds and moves her hand to adjust her frames onto her nose.

"Ah I see darling. I've always had an amazing design in mind for this one, ever since it came." The lady smiles and bring out what seems like a sketchbook from the pocket of her apron. She is searching through the pages for the design she has in mind and you take note of all the beautiful designs she has there; clothes for ladies of upper class than yours with so maybe ribbons and trims and lace and they honestly amaze you because what girl like you wouldn't be jealous of such dresses.

Right when you think you'll never going to see a design that could much your social and military status, the lady stops at a page that pays homage to a very minimalistic design. It's an evening gown with a broad deep neckline that stands almost almost off the shoulder. A beautiful plaeted bertha that reaches until where the end of the breasts should be, emphasizes the pointed waist of the bodice. The skirt is as simple as it can get, with beautiful pleats and a lace trim at the end that matches the trim of the loose sleeves.

"Ah! It's so elegant! We love this one!" Hange holds back a scream as she speaks because she can only imagine how good this dress will look on you. It's no secret that you are one of the really good looking Scouts and for some reason she wishes to see you in a dress, like a proper lady.

"Would you be kind enough as to undress so I can measure you, love?" 

You blink rapidly at this. You're a little ashamed of yourself for not wearing underwear that ladies should wear because your mother always told you that ladies should wear men's underwear but you haven't had the chance to get your hands on anything lady like ever since you became a soldier. Not that you wanted to any way. Yet, the need to apologise run through you.

"I must apologise ma'am. I'm not wearing undergarments that are appropriate for a lady. Please don't judge me based on this."

"(Y/n), the lady knows we are soldiers. She won't judge. But please lady Mathilda add the essential undergarments in our order. And don't forget the corset."

________

 

"Levi's clothes for balls are always tailored, so he's definitely going to look good!" Nanaba says as she takes a look at your dress that is hanging from your dresser waiting to be worn.

"Ah yes, Levi can never look bad, but I'm sure that you'll be as beautiful as the man in a while." 

You flinch as Hange starts pulling on the straps that are supposed to lace your corset. You had almost forgotten how painful this has always been for you. When your mother used to lace your corset ever since you wear a kid, just to get you used to the garment she would always tighten it so much that you couldn't even breath, not caring that this wasn't how tight it was supposed to be.

You can feel Hange's foot resting on the small of your back as she starts pulling the straps once again and you take a deep breath, hoping this will end soon. You hate corsets with all your might and back then you'd wished you'd never had to wear once again when you chose to be a soldier but here you are.

"Ah, fucking hell this is going to bruise me Hange, are you sure this is the proper way to lace a corset?"

"Yes, that's the way my mother would lace it too (Y/n), Hange is doing a good job." Nanaba approves of Hange's lacing and it somehow scares you but you have no time to complain as another sharp pain makes it's wait to your ribs.

"Goddamit Hange that's enough!"

__

To say that Levi is shocked by your appearance would be a mere understatement. 

He can't help but feel utterly shocked as to how you've transformed into something so beautiful as he didn't know someone like you could get any prettier than they already were. The choice of the color and the fabric of your dress is simply gorgeous, just like the design. He can already see the men that would come up to you to ask you to dance with them; although he's not going to let that happen though, and he hopes that nobody there scares you off.

"Ahhh so pretty! I'm going to brawl my eyes out!"

"Thank you Squad leader, you seem like my father sometimes!" Your soft smile catches Levi's attention once again. He knows he should join the conversation until the carriage comes, yet he can't help but feel he's going to disturb your higher up from tutoring you.

"And don't forget, you stay by Levi's side no matter what!" Nanaba adds. "Men are going to try and chase you as if you're some sort of prey. They're pigs, though."

"Don't worry Nanaba. Miss (L/n) and I had a talk about all of this before she started getting ready." Erwin says and the look he gives you is filled with hope and pride and maybe a ton of expectation too.

"Tch, stop scaring her. The carriage is here so we should get going." You sigh as you nod in approval before you go up to the raven haired male. 

The ride is as long as you expected it to be. Levi and you don't talk much too, as a weird form of tention fogs the air around the two of you. You can't help but think he wishes you weren't here with him. It's very well known among the Scouts that him and his squad member Petra Ral are really close to each other and you somewhat regret ever being happy that you were requested to be his plus one.

"...worry. Oi brat, you listening to me?"

"Huh?" You shake your head in an attempted to clear the thoughts that run through it. "No sir, please repeat."

"I'm not going to leave your side and we won't stay for very long so you don't have to worry." Levi grunts in annoyment as he repeats his sentence, mostly because he wishes he knew where your mind was traveling to.

"Thank you sir, the only reason I'm worried about though is because I don't come from such social status as the people there are from."

 

"Me neither but here I am, heading to some shitty annual military ball because Erwin decided he's not going to bother with it this year." You let out a giggle as Levi rolls his eyes at his own statement but you're sushed before you can even open your mouth to speak. "You have excellent manners though, (y/n) and great looks to match them. Pittiful women talk shit nevertheless." Your smile vanishes for a second and Levi can't help but notice it.

"So, you know how to dance, right (y/n)?"

_______

 

Levi is positive that your laughter bubbles throughout the whole headquarters, but he doesn't mind, he feels like laughing as well. His heart is somehow throbbing at the thought of you looking so pretty in this dress, smiling so bright that you can light up a whole room. You're just a shy little thing when you haven't had some drinks and Levi's glad he hadn't let you get wasted. You hang onto his neck for dear life as you laugh, unable to keep your knees of supporting you. 

"You're so funny sir. I had missed hearing all the funny things you say now that you're with Petra." You confess, fully aware of what you said. You definitely miss him and you can't keep this inside for some reason. You've been bottling it up for so many months that it's just burst out.

Nevertheless your face falls in the blink of an eye as you realise that you've ruined the moment. Your Corporal is now slowly opening the door to your room and you suppose you should just come to your senses. You're nothing but comrades, you have to remind that to yourself because your faces are so close and the air is so very thin around you. His eyes are set on your lips and his breath is heavy and you pray to God that he just leans in and kisses you but he just pushes you inside your room and closes the door. 

 

You definitely need a moment to relax after this because your rational though is not in the picture and your heart is flattering so hard that it's probably going to burst through your chest.

Maybe a shower shall help you think straight again. Levi's not yours, you shouldn't even pray that he kisses you, but for some reason you can only think of that one time you were naked underneath him. Why is it so wrong to want that again? Your head is spinning with those thoughts as you slip out of your gown and undo your hair. 

 

How are you even supposed to have a shower though if that stupid corset won't budge.

_______

 

For the thousandth time for tonight, Levi is shocked by you. Just a little while ago he had to stop himself from kissing you and now here you are looking like a mess before his door, wearing only your undergarments. 

"Sir, I have to unlace this corset or else I can't have a shower."

Your eyes shine with plea as you stare at him and he knows he can't control himself around you when those alluring eyes stare into his cold gray ones. Why do you have to make it so hard for him to forget you, he wonders. You were supposed to leave his thoughts after that eventful night but you've been occupying his thoughts ever since.

"Tch, come in"

His hands are careful and they don't roam any inch of your body as they work on their task and Levi's amused with his self control.

"Dammit, shitty glasses tightened this thing way too much. You must be bruised all over."

You only hum in response. Your head is not spinning anymore and the alcohol influence in your system seems to have at least passed a bit because you can only remember your mother right now. What she was going to say if she ever found out that one man, especially one of your higher ups was unlacing your corset. She would call you our for being an inappropriate young lady who seduces men, not taking into consideration how tender you felt for the man. She would have probably killed you if she knew that this very man had also taken your virginity, before marriage.

"Oi, what's up with you zoning out today?"

"Sorry sir, I was thinking about my mother."

"What about her?"

"Well..." You start, lowering your gaze even more due to embarrassed, despite not even facing him. "She would have killed me if she knew that I have a man doing this job for me and that I am no longer a virgin. She would have killed me twice if she knew that this man and I are not..." 

"Together?"

"Yes, sir"

Levi's fingers linger on your chin as he softly tugs it for you to take the hint and turn around. His eyes stare deep into yours as silence fills the room for a few seconds but you decide to ruin that moment.

"She would have called me a seductress too, had she known that this man belongs to another woman."

Levi's eyes darkened at that. He was well aware of the rumors spreading about what his relationship with Petra was but it was so bold of you to assume things when he hadn't officially stated anything. He has to teach you a lesson for that.

 

"You can bathe here. Higher ups have warm water all the time." He offers and sees that once again you're staring at him with those puppy eyes.

"I don't want to bathe here." You whispered and avoided his gaze.

"Then you should go to your room." 

"I don't want to go to my room either, sir"

"For fuck's sake. Stop calling me sir, it's driving me crazy."

 

There's another long pause as the two of you stare at each other. You come to grips with the fact that his shirt is unshaveled and undone and this is driving you wild, just like he has to rapidly blink to take your image in his mind. The tention between you is so fucking thick and all he can do is close the space that stands between you and him.

His tongue is dancing with yours as his hands take a good grip on your waist and spin you around; your back is touching his chest and you can feel hair erection throbbing on your lower half, through his pants. His fingers delicately roam at the waist band of your drawers not for long before they dip in, finding your core immediately and making you moan St the sudden feeling of pleasure. His lips are hot stuff the crook of your neck despite how cold his words are.

"Don't get the wrong idea, after this..." He pauses for a second as he feels your hand land on top of his throbbing member and grunts, hard. "We're nothing."


	32. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end you guys! 
> 
> I just want to say thank you so so so much for sticking with me until the end. Thank you so much for your amazing comments and all the support I've gotten. I love you all so much you have no idea. I'm so emotional now that this story is over but I promise to give you more dad! Levi x mom! Reader in the future.
> 
> Please enjoy my new series. 
> 
>  
> 
> Once again THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH MY LOVES
> 
> ps, this is not my most favorite chapter but it's a nice closure

"Dad! Mommy burned the cheese puffs!"

"I just said don't tell Dad, Kurt!" Levi rolled his eyes the moment he saw you chasing after the six year old boy who was running towards him, laughing his guts out.

"We had a deal (y/n) I take care of the kids and you take care of the cheese puffs! Literally the only thing I let you bake for this party." Levi spoke as Kurt finally went to hide behind his legs. 

"Yes mommy

"I'm sorry Lee"

"Papa, the cheese puffs for my party are ruined!" Your older son exclaimed.

"Daddy, I'm hungry"

"Food, yay! Let's make food Papa!"

"See what you do to me, (y/n)? They're not going to stay still with you and I'm not going to buy anymore cheese puffs!" Levi's tone is a bit harsh at you, and to be fair, he was right; had you not been too distracted by decorating the living room you would have probably not burned the cheese puffs, literally the only type of food Levi had you supervise while he spend some time with your sons.

"Babe I'm sorry."

"Don't babe me!" Levi cut you off and proceeded to set the two year old on his arms down. "Kurt, take care of your baby brother so mom and dad can talk" 

The kid just nodded as he took his younger brother's hand and walked towards his room, followed by your other little one. Levi waited patiently for the kids to be out of the picture before he turned to look at you, disappointment masking his whole face.

"I take full responsibility on that I swear I'm gonna go buy some new ones-"

"Don't worry brat, if it's for you to decorate the living room like that again you can burn all the cheese puffs in the world."

You felt your heart melt at that; Levi sure wasn't one to be romantic and you had no idea why he just hadn't go on full rage on you, but his answer just made you feel less nervous about the revelation you had for him.

Levi's eyes shome into yours as he came closer and closer, just to steal a kiss from your lips before he had to go back to the three boys waiting to play with him. He sincerely missed being home for that long without being so tired from all his work. He barely managed to steal some time to be intimate with you or spend quality time with you and the kids. 

His hard working had paid off though as you had finally just bought this amazing house on the outskirts of Trost, with lots of room to play and be comfortable, unlike Levi's previous apartment, in which you could barely fit anymore. He had no idea how the two of you had managed to balance life with three kids -or how you came to have three kids in the first place- in that small apartment.

A small moan escaped your lips as Levi's hands gripped around your behind, his lips crashing against yours a little bit more lustfully.

"Leviii- we're expecting people in a little while..."

"Yeah but we haven't done that in a while."

"I know but-" 

"Ew dad's kissing mom!" A small, extremely familiar voice caused the two of you to turn your head in it's direction. The little kid hid behind his brother's bigger form, leaving the older one completely exposed before you.

"Sorry dad." Kurt mouthed, without even looking into his eyes.

Levi clicked his tongue as he let go of you and brought a hand to his face to push his hair back while sighing. "It's fine, wanna go get dressed? All three of you?"

______

 

"Mom, Becka is nagging me!"  
Kurt's cry ripped through your skull for the hundredth time for tonight. "No auntie no! I didn't!" Your niece screams and you can feel your head pounding, the insides of your stomach turning, the worse your head would throb.

"Leviii!" You call out, as loud as you could. You probably had to tell him the fact that you're pregnant as soon as possible but for some reason you couldn't even imagine how his reaction would be. The two of you were only growing older after all. "Please take care of Kurt, because my head's going to burst."

Not long after, you reached out to Sasha and Jean to help you go to the bathroom as feeling of fainting had made it's way through your body.

"Pregnant again? Seriously?"

"Do you two even know what the word protection stands for?" Sasha burried her head between her palms as she talked, only making Jean laugh tremendously loud at her. 

"Jean don't laugh!" You softly nagged his arm while you laughed as well. You couldn't help but feel so grateful that he never left your side, all those years ago. You may not had found an eternal lover in Jean but you definitely had found your best friend. You really couldn't help but feel emotional.

"Are you alright here?" 

It was your husband's voice interrupting you from the laugh you and your close friends were having that caused you to swallow hard. 

"Yeah yeah, we're good Levi!" Sasha spoke and patted Levi's back softly. "Although (y/n), Jean and I were talking about your baby plan you know"

Oh she was so dead after this.

"How many did you guys were plan to have" Sasha questioned with a painfully irritating smug on her face Jean smiled devilishly as well as she spoke each word, as if pushing you to get a response out as fast as she finished talking.

"Three"

"Five"

The two numbers sounded simultaneously and you and Levi were left staring at each other dumbfounded. You noticed Sasha and Jean in the corner of the room, holding back laughter as the tried to take exit, before you came to murder them.

"Yeah... So is four negotiable?" Sasha burst out before she run way, taking Jean with her to the safety of the living room.

"Four? You're pregnant?"

"Yeah, but I understand if you don't want us to have it, we just moved here and-" 

You're cut off as Levi's hands came to wrap tight around you, engulfing you in a warm and loving embrace. "Maybe this time we're going to have a daughter!" He said excitedly and kissed you. 

The tears that had formed in the corners of your eyes started to fall down on your face as you melted into the kiss. 

You could only wonder how the two of you had gotten so far and what the future held for your not so little family.


End file.
